Hello,

I have been in a two year relationship with my boyfriend. I know deep down that he is the one, and that I want to marry him one day. The past year we have been fighting about the same issues- he says I'm too clingy and he has a hard time communicating with me. Whenever we have fought in the past, he would drop me off home and wait until the next day to discuss it, or we just act like nothing ever happened. I know I am clingy, but its because I'm so afraid to lose him- (I lost a guy prior to him and it was very hard on me). I love him more than anything. He broke up with me on Sunday but was crying and didn't want to do it. He just told me he doesn't know what else to do because we have the same issues come up all the time. He then went to a mutual friends house and cried that he made a mistake and regretted it. Later in the week I confronted him and asked if we could make it a break or try again. He said no, then reconsidered. He then said he wanted to think about it. When we talked he said he doesn't want to lose me, that he loves me and that he is not looking for another girlfriend. He just said he had no time to himself when he was with me (he likes alone time) and he had no time to play his music or to even go to the bathroom without me around. I know I am really clingy , I just don't know how to change it. He then said he wanted to make it a break, and that in two weeks we will sit down and try to work it out. Is he telling me the truth? His brother just got engaged so I'm wondering if that scared him into thinking he might have to marry me and he's not ready. Anyhow, what should I do? Give him this time or talk to him? Do you think that its because of my clingyness? Or is that an excuse?:confused:

tirednhurt86,
I can't tell you what he is thinking but I can tell you that it is no fun being clinged to. As you are aware it is no fun to be the clinger either. I think you should work on your insecurities. He is not your ex or anyone who has hurt you. You should give him credit for that. We are only responsible for things that we do. I used to be clingy too. I simply tried to let my boyfriend go a little at a time. I would try to keep my fears to myself and give him the benefit of the doubt. Just try to keep busy while he's gone and slowly you will teach yourself how to let go. As long as he keeps coming back and you don't have any reason not to trust him you will find that it's not that hard to do. It's actually healthy to be apart. You should find something to do without him as well. I am not an expert but I found these things work for me. My husband once told me that if he doesn't give me any reason to doubt his faithfulness (which he didn't) then it was very insulting to him. He said that if I expected so little of him then that is just what he could live up to. What he was saying is to raise the bar and have reasonable expectations. With no reason for my clinginess why be that way? I don't know if this at all answered your question but it's what I can offer. Take care.

I agree with aqua@home. I went through the same thing and had to teach myself not to. It really hit me when one of my ex's did it to me. I couldn't even go to the bathroom alone!! Anytime I would be out with my gf's or even family he would call and leave messages. I realized then that I had to change or I would be one of those people that they called stalkers. I can now trust myself to trust my man. Work on you and slowly learning how to do it and everything should work for you. Ttyl

Any relationship should be one of trust and love, one must understand and show compassion and caring. One rule is live by is never argue, try to discuss the problem, if one argues, 5 minutes later you still have the same problem only your blood presssure is boiling. Just my opinion

By the way... I forgot to mention that if all you do is think and worry and try to prevent it from happening and it happens anyway, then you've wasted all of that energy for nothing. I would just try to enjoy him and the relationship you have more. If he's going to do something he shouldn't your clinging and worry won't change that. If anything it might push him away. Take care.:)

Hi!

I think you were given excellent advice in all the above posts.
There's only one thing I'd like to add, I think you would highly benefit seeing a therapist who will help you build a higher self esteem, and a better trust at least in the people who are important to you. This, in turn, will greatly improve your life- and theirs.
Take care,
Millie:)

Hi, tirednhurt,
It could be you are too "clingy" as your boyfriend says, or, it might be your boyfriend wants more time to himself.
Have you talked with a Counselor? Have you both been to a Marriage Counselor? I know you aren't married, but a Counselor, seen together, might be able to help you both work it out.
If you go alone, you might find out how to stop "mis-trusting" someone; because that's what it is.
Marriage is trust, love, caring, compromise; but most of all... trust.
If you can't trust him, then it's over!
Please talk with someone, such as a Priest, Minister, Rabbie, or someone who can talk with you in confidence about it; face-to-face.
I do wish you the best, and good luck.

I think things happen because this is our life. We can`t do anythning. I know that`s terrible.. But everybody have to try to make himselves life better than now:P

Don't push him further away.
There's no need to be clingy or needy. Be secure of yourself.
He loves you.

Please read some previous threads and pay particular attention to some things that wildcat says. Being clingy only pushes people away. I know it is hard not to be though but you have to try. It will best for the both of you!

If he's told you repeatedly that you're too clingy, then you probably are. Actually I think you should take a break from him for a while. Don't call, e-mail or IM him and don't respond when he tries to contact you. Be busy and involved with other activities. See if he'll then miss you and start to chase you. If he does then you can pick right up from where you left off. If he doesn't then you may have to accept the fact that you need to forget about him and move on. You seem to really need him and are afraid of losing him. Why? You'll probably go through lots of guys in your lifetime before you actually settle down and marry someone. Obsessing over him is one of the worst things you can do. That will serve to push him away. If you want to keep someone you've got to be prepared to lose them. That may sound ironic but it's true. The less you care, the more he will once he senses that he's losing you. Give up your obsession and you take back your power. Try it and see.

You HAVE to do what s_cianci says. It will be for you own good as well.

Your significant other is part of your life, not your life! If you are all worried they might leave - then they probably will. You need to be cool with the fact they might just leave and life can be just as fun without them.

How old are you? You just seem to be a very sensitive person and maybe he is to immature to handle it. Maybe you should review your options!! It does not hurt to speak to a therapist it might help this or future relationships

Use this time apart to work on making yourself better and give your b/f room to think and work things out in his own mind without you. As you say you have issues you need to resolve.:cool: