Ok, I am the happiest wife ever that's what everyone around me thinks. Yea, I know I must be grateful for having such an amazing husband... but I'm not in love with him.

We dated a couple yrs then got engaged. That engagement period 7months was kind of long & something had changed during that time. I totally lost interest in him physically & emotionally somehow. I love, respect & care him but there's no in love action from me to him. We've been married only a couple of yrs so everything together we've been together for 4yrs. (He's 25. I'm 30)

HE IS AMAZING I must say this. He helps me with chores, works hard, goes to school, tells me that he loves me all the time, kisses me a lot, admires me, says I'm hot everyday, he wants to pleasure me, etc. He's just really really nice husband. I don't know what is wrong with me for real. He is good looking & now trying to lose weight to get his 6pack. But weight isn't an issue for me, sure it'd be nice to see him with 6pack but he never had 6pack from the beginning of our relationship till now. So I think it's not a big deal with me.

I'm trying really hard to get in love with him again. Kiss him, tell him that I love him, hug, hold his hand, send texts, try to have sex & so on... I know I'd love to see a marriage counselor but we can't afford it.

I kind of think, that, maybe because I'm kind of hot(I know it's stupid to say this but I'm trying to be honest) & get lots of attentions from guys (from my work, stores, everywhere) so I might be thinking I could've done better or something. But, I do know I couldn't have done better since my husband is the best. You can't find anyone better than him. I have NO complains about him. It's just me... Another thing, I think maybe because I was bullied a bit when I was in mid school & high school so I didn't get lots of boys but now I get lots of attention so maybe I'm trying to win back something I couldn't when I needed it so much. Right now I flirt with guys a lot hotter (outside-wise) than my husband. I don't know why I do this either... It's so lame of me I don't know what to do...

I just need to get back to who I was. I need any advice, please help I can't live like this. I really need help, please I don't want to end up cheating on him... I don't want to hurt him.

Sounds like your marriage is in a rut and complacent and it really isn't so much about not being in love with him as it is you are looking for something that you feel isn't there.
Most relationships do go from being all IN LOVE to settled and now this is what you got.
You say you have a great husband so learn to appreciate what you have. The grass isn't always greener and often women decide they want to see what is out there so they divorce only to regret. Love isn't about butterfly feelings and emotional highs, it is about commitment, each giving to the relationship and building it to be strong.
Stars, musicians and many other couples have a hard time staying together partly because once the spark is gone they think it means the love is gone to and then they just move on to the next.

I am about to say things that you may already know.. but putting them down on "paper" sometimes really helps...

1. Marriage is a sacred foundation, those vows mean something and should always.
2. You may be lacking something that you didn't get in the past, but there are a million or more women that would "kill" for what you have. Mom used to always teach us; "count your blessings and be grateful, they may disappear, and never come back..."
4. Love is something you don't keep, it is only LOVE when you give it to someone. He has apparently given you his unbridled love, many should be so fortunate.
5. In my humble opinion, only when you love someone more than you love yourself will love last and flourish.
6. Marriage counseling; there are social services for those who can not afford it. I am surprised that you didn't look into this.
7. If an event didn't happen to make you "fall out of love with your husband" then I think that I would question your desire to "fall in love with him again." I know this sounds blunt but being that self centered and "full" of yourself will not allow you to really be totally in love or commit with any other man either. Not until you grow up emotionally and realize the total benefits of giving and receiving love. It is very precious!
8. Bottom line, I sincerely question your commitment to loving at this stage in your life. Even if you and your husband somehow work this out and you come to your senses, I would suggest that you personally seek some help or this problem will follow you through out your life. And when you finally do realize what you had... it will probably be too late. Romance novels a full of this stuff... or so my wife tells me.
9. You didn't mention if there were any children, I hope not at this point, as they will really be the ones to suffer.

In summary, you get what you give. If you are truthful with yourself and you do not love him and you see no chance of that changing then do HIM a favor and ask for a divorce. He sounds like a good person and I am sure (as you have said) that he will have no trouble finding a nice "loving" wife in the future.

This post is somewhat out of character for me as I am always encouraging people to work things out and to really try to save their relationships and marriages. But somehow your thread struck a negative cord with me this time. Maybe I need to look to myself to find out why? I have known (as most of us have) people that are very self centered, only about them. These people probably will never find happiness in their lives, they will ALWAYS be searching for something around the next corner. That's not always a bad thing, but you have a husband that you once loved and he his head over heels in love with you... what a crying shame.

I know that you are probably going to say that I was hard on you and that you only wanted help... I couldn't help giving you advice though. Maybe in the above words you can find some of the help you were looking for?

Sorry for being so straight forward, maybe you can find something in what I posted that can set a spark... who knows... good luck.

Stringer

Thanks for your advice, I think I'm appreciating my husband, how great he is. I love him I think he is hot & everything. If you think I'm not appreciating enough what I have now, let me know what I can do more. Thanks, again :)

You just need to realize what you wouldn't have without him.
Many girls leave thinking they are missing out on something only to regret it because they realize what jerks they end up meeting and then their ex doesn't want them back and it is too late for them to be able to appreciate what they had anymore.
You just need to realize what you would be missing without him there for you to love and appreciate.

NH, knowing you, he will benefit greatly... he's out there hon.

WOW! I swear this one hits home with me kind of... only I sound like the husband you are talking about! Right now I'm really in no position to say much cause I currently have problems in my marriage as well but what I wouldn't give for my husband to treat me the way yours does you!! I would really hate to see you miss out on what could be a great marriage and do something drastic like cheat on him and or leave him and then live a life full of regret. That is not a life to live at all. Have you talked to your husband about how you feel at all or is he clueless? I may be wrong but sounds to me like he adores you and this may be scaring you to death, like its too perfect or something and your expecting something bad to happen? If that is the case then let me just say stop dwelling on the negative because if that is what you are looking for to happen then usually it will... be positive and positive will happen. There are A lot of women who would kill to have what you have and be appreciative of it. I wish you nothing but happiness and hope you are able to work this out. Best wishes

Hi Naomy,
I know exactly how it feels. When you are with someone that is a good person, but something just doesn't feel right. You feel guilty for not having the same feelings towards your partner as they have towards you. You try very hard, and yet still don't get anywhere.
Everyone here will tell you that you have it really good and should be thakfull, but they are not in your situation and if I wasn't in the same boat as you I would have told you to stop winging and be happy.
There is nothing wrong with falling out of love with someone, no matter how wonderful and good they are. HOWEVER, I am not encouraging you to leave until you have tried everythng and still feel like something is missing.
You have made a first step by looking at your past and identifying some things that are affecting you now as a person. You are on the right track, I don't think seeing a marriage counselor will help since its you at this stage that needs help.
There are lots of good self-help books (from libraries) that will help you identify what it is that's missing in your life, and you may realise that it has got nothing to do with your husband!
In the mean time you can tell your husband that you are going through some personal growth/change in your life, and from what you said he sounds like a man that will understand and support you.
Finally, I don't care what anyone says, we should all try and be happy in our lives. If you are not completely happy you will never be able to give your husband what he deserves.
I wish you best of luck.

Thanks for spending your time to answer my question, I really appreciate all you guys. I haven't told my husband about how I feel. If I ever tell him, he'd get hurt but I know he'll try to work things out. I'll try harder to keep this marriage & look for books to help my problems,too. It might be a tough way but I'll do whatever I can do.

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Originally Posted by naomy

Ok, I am the happiest wife ever that's what everyone around me thinks. Yea, I know I must be grateful for having such an amazing husband...but I'm not in love with him.

We dated a couple yrs then got engaged. That engagement period 7months was kind of long & something had changed during that time. I totally lost interest in him physically & emotionally somehow. I love, respect & care him but there's no in love action from me to him. We've been married only a couple of yrs so everything together we've been together for 4yrs. (He's 25. I'm 30)

HE IS AMAZING I must say this. He helps me with chores, works hard, goes to school, tells me that he loves me all the time, kisses me a lot, admires me, says I'm hot everyday, he wants to pleasure me, etc. He's just really really nice husband. I don't know what is wrong with me for real. He is good looking & now trying to lose weight to get his 6pack. But weight isn't an issue for me, sure it'd be nice to see him with 6pack but he never had 6pack from the beginning of our relationship till now. So I think it's not a big deal with me.

I'm trying really hard to get in love with him again. Kiss him, tell him that I love him, hug, hold his hand, send texts, try to have sex & so on... I know I'd love to see a marriage counselor but we can't afford it.

I kind of think, that, maybe because I'm kind of hot(I know it's stupid to say this but I'm trying to be honest) & get lots of attentions from guys (from my work, stores, everywhere) so I might be thinking I could've done better or something. But, I do know I couldn't have done better since my husband is the best. You can't find anyone better than him. I have NO complains about him. It's just me...Another thing, I think maybe because I was bullied a bit when I was in mid school & high school so I didn't get lots of boys but now I get lots of attention so maybe I'm trying to win back something I couldn't when I needed it so much. Right now I flirt with guys a lot hotter (outside-wise) than my husband. I don't know why I do this either...It's so lame of me I don't know what to do...

I just need to get back to who I was. I need any advice, please help I can't live like this. I really need help, please I don't want to end up cheating on him...I don't want to hurt him.

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You know its so funny how I was going through a phrase just like yours. But my husband was a horrible one lol But maybe I think you wasn't ready to settle down and get married. I kind of understand your situation because I am going through something like this but very different. I think you wasn't ready to settle down with one guy and get married because now you are getting attention from other people and that makes you feel good and sexy. Maybe you wasn't ready to settle with just one guy. Also, maybe you just not in love with him.. There is a huge difference between loving someone and BEING in love. Your young and good looking and you want to explore and there is nothing wrong with that. However, you are married and you can't do that. I think you should take time for yourself and figure out what you really want and understand yourself more. See what you really want and what your looking for.

I now how you feel about flirting because I used to do the same thing because I wanted attention and affection that my husband wasn't giving me. Plus, the guys are very attractive and ever since we got married, he only wants to look good for other people than me.

Think things through and I wish you the best

Are you possibly a member of the... "I wouldn't want to belong to any club that would accept me as a member" association?

Do you deep down think something is wrong with him if he likes you? This is not to put you down in any way. It is just that sometimes IF a person has low self esteem , you think that anyone who likes you must not be that great. If this isn't you, then that's great. Just something to consider.

Thanks "secretgyrl16", for taking time to tell me how you feel. So your husband was lame kind of like me. I'll try to clear things out with my life.

"cozyk" Maybe, you're right. I don't know, I think I might have low self esteem. When I was getting married to my husband I was thinking "I wouldn't be able to find someone after this guy because I'm not worthy inside." I still think I'm not good enough. I'm not an awesome girl inside. I'm trying to be a decent person though... anyways, thanks for a new view for my problem.

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Originally Posted by naomy

Thanks "secretgyrl16", for taking time to tell me how you feel. So your husband was lame kind of like me. I'll try to clear things out with my life.

"cozyk" Maybe, you're right. I don't know, I think I might have low self esteem. When I was getting married to my husband I was thinking "I wouldn't be able to find someone after this guy because I'm not worthy inside." I still think I'm not good enough. I'm not an awesome girl inside. I'm trying to be a decent person though...anyways, thanks for a new view for my problem.

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IF this is you, then you are in luck. It is so much more about you than it is him. You have power over this. Now, your journey is to seek ways to untangle the wires that got you thinking that you were less than. I have suffered from low self esteem in my life too. Today I feel pretty good about myself, but that doesn't mean it never creeps up for a visit.
It's an on going process. Be your own best cheerleader. Know that you have things about you that are uniquely yours alone. That makes you special. What ever it is that you admire in other people, you can admire it in you too. I wish you the best in this endeavor.:)

What cozyk said hits home for me as well too cause right now I'm kind of or was going through something similar with my husband, he is so down on himself and thinks that he is no good to me or anyone else and feels like he has let me down in some way that he actually thought about divorcing me because he felt like he was saving me somehow and that I could do better when actually I adore this man and all he had to do was talk to me about how he was feeling and when he finally did I made him feel better by telling him I loved him good or bad and that is what I took those vows for. If your husband is with you shows you affection and is the best thing in the world to you maybe if you tell him how you feel he can help lift you back up which is what your significant other is there for to be with you and stand by you when you are going through something. Im sure he wouldn't want you feeling like you alone and can't come to him if you need help. Sounds like he is the kind of man to stand by you and be there. If he sees good things in you then there has to be good things there about you or he wouldn't be there. I hope and wish for you all the best and can get through this.

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Originally Posted by naomy

I know I'd love to see a marriage counselor but we can't afford it.

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I do believe that a divorce would end up costing more. What I mean is that if counseling is what you need to have a happy marriage, it's a small price to pay considering the alternative. But I do agree that maybe counseling just for you would be better to start.

I know of some personal training that will do just that... help you stay in love and love each other everyday... but it will take 100% from the both of you. Contact me if you are interested. Love is not cheap. Some where it will cost you.

Until you can love yourself, and do the things to make yourself happy, you will have nothing to share with anyone.

Work on you, and your issues, and learn to share the love you have for yourself

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Originally Posted by talaniman

Until you can love yourself, and do the things to make yourself happy, you will have nothing to share with anyone.

Work on you, and your issues, and learn to share the love you have for yourself

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To that I say, AMEN!:)

First I just want to say that I love the way you wrote your post. "I want to Love him" vs I don't love him.

You just need to rekindle some things by the sounds of it and get out of the "rut".

What may help is "pretending" you aren't married. And by that I mean have fun dates and horse around like you would have pre-marriage. You don't have to spend a lot of money doing this either.

It seems to be working for me and my boyfriend. (though I had way more complaints about him than you do about your husband LOL)

It seems on the days we flirt, rough house, tease each other, I feel that "love" again. Especially when he puts forth an effort to help me where I need it.

I never lost the love for him... I have always loved him. We just grew too comfortable and bored with each other.

Thanks! "ConfusedInAK"

Sounds like you really a sweet person:) I wish I could do that... Maybe, I really should try,huh. Yea, I will.