Ask Me Help Desk - Is she planning on cheating on me?

Hi, I have been going out with my girlfriend for about a year and she's been living with me for 8 months, after she left her home to come be with me because I had left for school. We each found different pt jobs and we have been going to college so we are really busy all the time. Now my problem is that my girlfriend has been talking to a co-worker, usually with text message or email. And she usually carries on lengthy conversations. But now resently she has gone and hung out with him usually when I'm at work and she has been trying to hide it. I really don't think that she has cheated on me because I trust her to an extent. But I am worried that one day she will. What should I do?

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because I trust her to an extent

Come on you either trust her or you don't, it's that simple. She can have male friends in fact you should encourage her to. You both need to mix well with other people, this in turn will help you guys to have a well balanced and happy relationship with each other. Worrying about whether she will cheat on you on day is stupid, because you cannot control this she either will or she won't, so what's the point in playing out this fantasy?

If I were you I'd chill out and if its really getting to you then you have no choice but to talk this out with her. Good luck.

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Originally Posted by LA LOVE

Hi, i have been going out with my gf for about a year and shes been living with me for 8 months, after she left her home to come be with me because I had left for school. We each found different pt jobs and we have been goin to college so we are really busy all the time. Now my problem is that my gf has been talking to a co-worker, usually with text msg or email. and she usually carries on lengthy conversations. But now resently she has gone and hung out with him usually when im at work and she has been trying to hide it. I really dont think that she has cheated on me because I trust her to an extent. But I am worried that one day she will. what should i do?

Well the problem is that I'm losing trust because she has lied to me. And I have talked to her about it already. I told her I didn't really like the fact that she was hangin out with him, when I wasn't around; and I told her I would feel much better if she just stopped. So she told me she wouldn't talk to him no more, but I know she has afterwards and she hung out with him while I was at work.

Have you told her that you know she is going behind your back with him?

Are they talking about work? Ever met the guy? Be open also with the possibility that she shares a particular interest (that you don't have) with guy that's why they spend a lot of good time.

Talk about it calmly. You should be open about your feelings on her "meetings" nicely and she should assure you though words and actions that she loves you faithfully and as well that nothing will happen.

She will cheat if she wants to cheat. Just get there when its confirmed but for now, do your part and try to communicate well to prevent what's unpleasant thing yet will happen.

If she's hiding and lying, there's something wrong there. Even if her contacts will lead to an argument, still she should not hide.

Just be honest w/ her and tell her that you're not comfortable w/ her hanging out w/ other dudes. Honest is the best policy in relationships. You teach people how to treat you... and right now by not honouring yourself you have essentially told her that to disrespect this relationship is OK by you. Is that the case? Is it OK? Because if it's not you need to tell her. She may not be the girl for you... it's you who gets to choose whom you surround yourself w/. Why not choose someone who has the SAME morals as you.. maybe if you said something she'd be "in the know" and actually rise to the occasion. COMMUNICATION IS KEY.. it's all there is, really.

I have met the guy. I'm not really sure what they talk about, but she must feel its fun being around him to be doing this, I guess. The way I've know about them hanging out is by going through her things like her email. When ever I've brought up the subject and tried talking to her she usually gets mad and tells me why I've gone through her stuff. I also think my mistrust might also be triggered by jealousy, but who wouldn't be jealous of his girlfriend hangin out and having fun with another guy.. . and she has told me once that she was with him, but I don't really know how many times they have been talking and hangin out. I haven't told her that I know she hung out with him after she said she wouldn't. I know if I do she will only say how do I knoe? And get mad. Or something like that. And ask if I've been going through her things again.

The only way to resolve this is to sit down and talk to her about it.You need to tell her how you feel.

While it may be okay or even good to have friends of the opposite sex I wouldn't say that it is a good idea to just trust her totally. She could get use to her freedom and go with how ever far it goes. If she is giving him more attention and seems happier when it comes to him I am not sure how much I would trust her. So I can understand your trust her but not sure.
One thing I would go by is if she is willing to include you in their plans and when you do go along with them anywhere how do they interact? So maybe your best bet would be to try and hang out with them when possible. If she is not comfortable with the idea or always making excuses I would tend to be concerned. Maybe even tell her to invite him over for dinner.
Right now she may not be doing anything but that doesn't mean she isn't having an emotional affair. The last thing you want to do is be confrontational, nagging or accusing because that will only make her hide what she is up to.

Unfortunately were all created unique and we can't be someone else to make the other person happy and sure we have to take THE RISK of sharing our love one's time to other people to give them space & provide individuality.

There's no other way to know if your girlfriend is planning to cheat. If you want, talk to the guy so seek answer, not fight. If there's nothing going on, you'll see answers right after.

I'm not so sure how good talking to the guy would work. She could get mad and claim you were going behind her back because you do not trust her, which would be as bad as accusing her to her face. If they have been doing anything chances are he wouldn't admit to anything anyway. Best thing to do is sit back and watch for red flags and add 2+2+...

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Originally Posted by LA LOVE

Hi, i have been going out with my gf for about a year and shes been living with me for 8 months, after she left her home to come be with me because I had left for school. We each found different pt jobs and we have been goin to college so we are really busy all the time. Now my problem is that my gf has been talking to a co-worker, usually with text msg or email. and she usually carries on lengthy conversations. But now resently she has gone and hung out with him usually when im at work and she has been trying to hide it. I really dont think that she has cheated on me because I trust her to an extent. But I am worried that one day she will. what should i do?

Hi there, my name is Robin I just joined today! Well I can see where you are coming from I really don't think anyone male/female should ever get that involved with a co-worker. I can tell you know if it was my husband I would be very upset, as he would with me. I believe you go to work for one reason, and that is to make a living for yourself, and family. I think it is OK to be nice and speak when spoken to because you can't walk around being a unsocial mute all day because then your just causing tension for yourself, but to get that close to a co-worker is asinine so I would definitely keep an eye on her and if they were just friends then why would she be trying to hide anything from you? That is the icing on the cake there I would really sit down and do some talking to her and ask her how she felt if you were the one doing it, and if she said she wouldn't care well that is just BS! So the next best thing is ask her to respect you, and that this relationship she has started is making you feel very uncomfortable, and see what her response to that is, and if that don't work then give her a taste of her own medicine and either she will stop, or possibly not care and if that is so well maybe you 2 should not be together. Look I have had a friend since I was 13 years old with a male and we never done anything with one another other than be friends but I sure didn't meet him at work, I introduced him to my husband told him where we stood as friends when we go out my husband is always invited, my husband has even grew to like him very much, but I never make my husband feel like he is of less of importance nor do I hide anything. So I think something has to be going on. I am a women and have worked in many a places and had men try to hit on me and the sad thing is they don't care that you are married or in a relationship some are even relentless to point that I have had to be right down ugly to them so it is her ultimate decision to decide if you are important enough to her to know when to say no and put them in there place and maybe she feels that you aren't telling her the things she needs to hear enough so she is eating it up from someone else well look either way I sure hope everything turns out OK because evidently you care enough to be concerned which is great she just needs to open her eyes and see what she has before she screws it up and loses it.

Good luck!