Ask Me Help Desk - Am I being a baby?

Am I being a baby?

I came out of a long term relationship 4 months ago. I no longer think about my ex 27/4 nor do I have the desire to see or speak to her. I didn't think I was capable of getting over her, but over the past month or so I've been thoroughly enjoying being single, largely because I've built strong relationships with the people around me and I've been able to get to know myself again properly. I go out and party a lot but since the break up but I haven't had the urge to involve myself with any females... until the other week that is. I can honestly say that this girl is the first to turn my head in a very long time. So the usual series of events occur, we spend the evening getting to know each other, numbers are exchanged, the next meeting is arranged. Now we met for the second time last night in a bar, she had her friends with her I had mine. She was pretty much all over the place, it seems as though she knew everyone in there. She would come over to me frequently but only for a couple of minutes at a time. I found it hard to hold her attention so I decided to forget about it and just enjoy the night with my buds.. but as time went on I found myself becoming so uptight about the girl and her actions (she was touchy-feely with everyone) my friends noted that she was over friendly. I became stand of-ish and very uptight whenever she'd approach me. I noticed whenever I was talking to girls she'd squeeze herself right in there, which inturn pissed me off even more. She noticed my bad mood and told me that I was too sensitive and that I didn't understand her world. She was right, I've not met a girl like her and I'm not sure what to make of it. I don't even know her but I must admit she had me pretty jealous. One minute she's telling me she doesn't give her number out to just anyone and the next her arms are draped around another guys neck. I started to just flat out ignore her, turn my back on and told her I hated my taste in girls as I was leaving. I feel like a jerk for reacting the way I did.. I think I've completely lost the plot when it comes to dating :(

Hey, don't beat yourself up. I think that you should move to the next chick. If she was all over everyone else and not you then she may be like that all the time. My cousin is like that. She will go out with one guy and then while they are at the club or bar she starts talking to all the other guys that she knows and the other ones who she is trying to impress and she sleeps with over half of them. So, I would be weiry of this chick if I were you.

Hearing you loud and clear.

I think you got caught up in her little game. She was all over you and every other person around. It hurts a lot when you realize that the one you thought was amazing is really scaming you but the good news is that not everyone is like her. Pick yourself back up and find someone better because people like that are out there. Don't lose hope

Well first there's no reason to get your panties in a bundle over a girl you just met. At least she wasn't making out with all the guys she was touching. You can look at it that way I guess? Ha
That probably didn't help any but there you go

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well first there's no reason to get your panties in a bundle over a girl you just met

Im a very laid back character but when it comes to lovers/ potential partners/ girls whom I'm very physically attracted to, I know I can be pretty intense from the get go which I don't understand.. I never used to be this way.

It appears you have boundary issues. I suppose that's fine when referring to someone you've dated a long time and we're talking true "over the line" actions by others.

None of that applies here. You have no boundaries with a girl you just met. None. She's a free spirit. I truly doubt she was playing games that night. I think she was having FAR more fun that night than you were, you're problem, not hers.

Also, she's going to be this way going forward, too. Being free-spirited and overly friendly doesn't mean "cheater", though, not at all. It just means this person will always be having fun and flirting with her environment. The world is going to be her oyster.

If you LIKE oysters, then this is the girl for you. She will always be entertaining, and when necessary, self-entertaining. That could be pretty awesome.

But only if you practice shaking off those boundary issues... your issues, not hers.

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If you LIKE oysters, then this is the girl for you.

Thanks for this perspective. I agree that I have been unfair in the way that I have judged her when it has not been my place to at all. She is a very out there character, its shameful to admit but I don't think my little boy ego can handle the way she is. Its sad but it feels as though id be disrespecting myself by trying to get to know her better now. I guess I have a lot of growing up to do.

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Originally Posted by HeadsHigh

Its sad but it feels as though I'd be disrespecting myself by trying to get to know her better now.

Maybe, that's your call. But at least you realize you have to BE YOURSELF, and yourself simply cannot be at ease with every type of girl out there, it's not practical to expect that. She may not be your cup of tea, regardless of how attractive she is in other ways.

It is a maturity level to spot girls who are fine the way they are but not "for you". You don't so much judge them as judge your known compatibility needs.

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I guess I have a lot of growing up to do.

Don't we all! But what a ride!