Ex and I had agreed to a parenting plan, and on the day we were supposed to sign, he called the mediator and said he is not signing. I am not sure why. I agreed to everything he requested with the exception of the summer vacation and we agreed the judge would decide. I believe he wants a 50/50 plan or something so that he does not pay child support. I am not an unfit parent, I have been the primary caretaker since birth. I know that shared parenting won't work for us because we can't even have a decen conversation without arguing and we live 45 minutes apart. We are both representing ourselves. How is a trial usually carried out when we are pro se.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by cunfuzed

ex and i had agreed to a parenting plan, and on the day we were supposed to sign, he called the mediator and said he is not signing. I am not sure why. I agreed to everything he requested with the exception of the summer vacation and we agreed the judge would decide. I believe he wants a 50/50 plan or something so that he does not pay child support. I am not an unfit parent, I have been the primary caretaker since birth. I konw that shared parenting wont work for us because we can't even have a decen conversation without arguing and we live 45 minutes apart. We are both representing ourselves. How is a trial usually carried out when we are pro se.

---

The Plaintiff presents his/her side and proof; the Defendant presents her/his side and proof. If the Judge is in a good mood, the Judge will lead you. If not, the Judge will jump all over you - repeatedly - for your ignorance of the law.

It could be lengthy, it could be quick. You basically should have everything you want to say and present written down, be prepared to address whatever the other side brings up.

No arguing, nothing off point.

It is going to be difficult to prepare if you don't know why negotiations broke down, why he backed out.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

The Plaintiff presents his/her side and proof; the Defendant presents her/his side and proof. If the Judge is in a good mood, the Judge will lead you. If not, the Judge will jump all over you - repeatedly - for your ignorance of the law.

It could be lengthy, it could be quick. You basically should have everything you want to say and present written down, be prepared to address whatever the other side brings up.

No arguing, nothing off point.

It is going to be difficult to prepare if you don't know why negotiations broke down, why he backed out.

---

I am not sure why things broke down. We went to mediation and came up with a plan. Actually, everything is what he wanted. EOW, EOH, midweek. I agreed to it. The only think I disagreed with was the summer visitation. We both were on the same page and said we were in agreement with everything and that thejudge could decide the summer schedule. Then, on the day we were supposed to sign, he called the mediator and said he would not be coming to sign, that he wants a trial.

We have been on a temp order for 8 months. I filed back in may and he stretched the case out by not responding to the summons, not appearing a the first hearing, not appearing at the first paternity testing. When we finally did get in court, he still was unemployed. His older child is 10 yrs old and he has voluntarily been out of her life since she was 3. He has an order for visitation and child support but doesn't exercise it. While I am not saying he is a bad father to our child, I do sense he may do the same things shortly after these proceedings end.

Would it be a good idea to ask for a continuance so that we can go back to mediation. The temp order lasted 8 monhts because the court never scheduled our mediation and it had to be continued.

It will now be up to a judge on all issues. If he wants 50/50, you will need to show why he would not be a goo parent, why this would be hard on the child ( school, how do they get there and so on)

But to be honest more and more fathers who want to be part of their child's life are getting it.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by cunfuzed

Would it be a good idea to ask for a continuance so that we can go back to mediation. The temp order lasted 8 monhts because the court never scheduled our mediation and it had to be continued.

---

At this point I think I'd give up on mediation - obviously things are so strained between you that he didn't even explain his decision not to follow through with your agreement. I think further mediation just wastes your time.

Honestly, I'm not a big fan of mediation in the first place. I've seen the less knowledgeable of the two parties take a beating in mediation and not even realize what they've lost.

I'd go right to Court - just my opinion.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Fr_Chuck

It will now be up to a judge on all issues. if he wants 50/50, you will need to show why he would not be a goo parent, why this would be hard on the child ( school, how do they get there and so on)

But to be honest more and more fathers who want to be part of thier childs life are getting it.

---

I have no problem with that, but we live a good distance apart, and traffic is crazy here. Also, our child's daycare is at my job. He never said he wanted 50/50. He said he wanted me to have residential custody and he have standard visitation. He wanted the entire summer. If that means he wanted 50/50 then that schedule is not fair that he should have the entire summer.

I may need to ask for a continuance to get a lawyer

Why do you think that arrangement is unfair? If you live far apart then the only way to have 50/50 is for him to have the child the entire summer as well as every other weekend.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by stinawords

Why do you think that arrangement is unfair? If you live far apart then the only way to have 50/50 is for him to have the child the entire summer as well as every other weekend.

---

He did not ask for 50/50, and asking for the entire summer, when it's the best time for summer activities (its not like I live in Florida where its warm every day) isn't fair. I would like the opportunity to have time in the summer. He wants two whole months with no breaks. A court would never approve that. That's typical with parents who live extremely far apart. He is only in another county.

It is likely that the judge will award every other weekend and two consecutive weeks in the summer as well as every other holiday to the father. That is the general arrangement when parents live as close as the two of you do. You said you lived a good distance apart which to me means that you live multiple hours apart which is why I posted that summers with him wouldn't be out of the question.

If you are good with a standard possession order which is basically first, third and fifth weekends and a month in the summer with you getting the child the first, third, and fifth weekends of that time. Just be calm and do not get into it with your ex in court, it makes you look bad. Be prepared to say why it would be difficult on the child to have a 50/50 arrangement if that is what comes up. I went through mediation and while we did agree and sign he still doesn't follow it, so really, it hasn't made much of difference anyway. But, remember to keep your cool and do not let him upset you.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by fabjenjen

If you are good with a standard possession order which is basically first, third and fifth weekends and a month in the summer with you getting the child the first, third, and fifth weekends of that time. Just be calm and do not get into it with your ex in court, it makes you look bad. Be prepared to say why it would be difficult on the child to have a 50/50 arrangement if that is what comes up. I went through mediation and while we did agree and sign he still doesn't follow it, so really, it hasn't made much of difference anyway. But, remember to keep your cool and do not let him upset you.

---

Where is this visitation schedule "standard," what State?

If I got a lawyer now, could he/she just show up with me for the trial, or is there some kind of process that we need to do before he/she can present my case

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by cunfuzed

if I got a lawyer now, could he/she just show up with me for the trial, or is there some kind of process that we need to do before he/she can present my case

---

He/she would simply have to file a notice of appearance, a notice to the Court that he/she is presenting you.

The Court doesn't want to tell both of you the same things twice - they would tell your Attorney once, your Attorney would have authority to speak for you.