Ask Me Help Desk - Is it right for his mother to control me?

So my husband and I got married this past spring. I moved down from Iowa to Texas where he lives. His parents currently own 2 homes, so we live in one right now. His mother is a bit controlling. I would LOVE to work with children, such as babysitting, and I was helping a friend out by watching her two kids, it was in a crime filled area and when she found out she made me quit. She won't let me babysit for anyone unless its through a daycare place.
Anyway, a while back she asked me if I was taking birth control pills, and I told her no. Because I am terrible at remembering to take a pill the other day, its just not reliable enough for us. So we use condoms every time. Apparently knowing that just makes her crazy. Its like she just sits there and it eats away at her. Today, she called us, WHILE She's AT WORK, and is all freaking out that I'm not taking birth control pills. She's called us twice today and the first time didn't bother me more than normal, it was just her normal talking about it, but the second time she wanted to know my birth date. She was making me an appointment at planned parenthood for birth control pills. I have to go, if I want to or not because I live in her house. I have to do everything she tells me to because I live in her house. I haven't gotten pregnant yet so you'd think she would get that we are taking care of it. Why does she have to be this way? Is it right for her to do this? Is it right for me to be angry with her over this?

Some added things, My husband thinks she is doing nothing wrong. He is constantly defending her and acts like I'm crazy because I get upset. I keep asking to move to an apartment and he will say he will look in to it and then he never does. I feel like its just me fighting against a huge army. I don't know how to get past this. I just want some freedom in my own life. Has she ever thought that maybe I want a baby? We aren't going to have one because he's not ready yet but she just doesn't think of what I want. They told me she has a plan for me, and I guess next year shes sending me to college to be a nurse. I don't want to do that at all. I just don't get her..

No this is not right for her to do this. Your husband needs to sit her down and talk to her.

You can tell her that you can't take the pill for health reasons. There are many health reasons a woman cannot use the pill.

She cannot force you to take the pill, but perhaps if remembering the pill is a problem try alternate methods such as a shot or where the put something in your arm and it can be active for years. Its up to you when you want to take a stand

Please don't edit your original post, it gets confusing as we have already answered the original question, then you go back to add more. Just scroll down and type in the Answer this Question box.

If your husband won't take a stand, it sounds like he is a Momma's Boy. This won't change without some action from you. If he won't look for an apartment, why can't you?

Stand up to your mother-in-law and tell her that you are an adult married woman and quite capable of taking care of yourself.

Stand up to her. I had this with my exs mum and she was so controlling. In the end I had to say something and stopped going round there (though obviously you can't as you live there). It is wrong for her to map out your future. You need to be able to do what job you want and plan a family as and when you are ready to

Whew, my advice... I have been in a similar situation. Have you tried to have an open discussion with her?

Is there a reason your husband hasent defended you? Perhaps you and him should discuss that you guys are married/team and he should really back you up in being the leading and respected lady in things that pertain to your family.

I had to consider the options: 1. Discuss the issue in hopes of there being a resolution and
2. be prepared for the consiquences, have a plan and be able to support your plan. I hate to say it, but I think you know, if you don't stand up for yourself, she will continue her ways.

Good Luck!

This mom is over the top. Your no child how dare she make an appointment for you and try to make you go. Your husband will stand up for you and he accept it. Was she this way before you got marry? Take a stand, your not a child and not her child for that matter. If you wait around for your husband to do it, he never will. This will only cause problems for you if it continue. I guess you don't want you to have kids with her son. You don't have to share any personal information with her, it's none of her business.

Talking to her is next to impossible, well getting her to listen. I've been trying but she is like this person who ALWAYS gets what she wants because her family, for 32 years, has just let her get her way because it was so much easier than fighting. She just doesn't listen to me. I fought for a while with the babysitting because I really would like to do that, I don't do anything else, and my friend really needed the help. The whole time she went on this rage of screaming, and my husband got most of it. She called us in the middle of the night and he was sitting in the living room, I heard her yelling in the kitchen. The next day I had to go to work with her, so she could make sure I didn't go babysit that day. All day she kept telling me how stupid I was for watching my friend's kids.

Recently I've been really stressing out because of her and I think I'm actually getting sick because of it. I really need to get out of her home and start actually living a real life. I keep thinking I'm being like her when I bother my husband about moving out. I am always on his back about it. The only time I have some peace when I'm around her is when my father-in-law is around. No one wants to upset him because he's days are numbered. (He's got cancer) I don't know how to get my husband to listen to me about it, he just doesn't understand what I'm going through. He is so used to it, its not like a big deal to him, but I want to live my own life, not live according to what she tells me to do. I don't want to be her puppet. I have been trying everything I can think of to get him to listen. He plays this game, its tabletop, and so a bunch of people come over once a week and play for hours, sitting around the table pretending to have magical powers. (D&D) He hates playing it in this place cause we can't pick up things and move them out of the way for the game, cause its not ours. He wants to be able to have his own space.. I have been working on tempting him with his own space at an apartment. The list with what I've been tempting him with is endless. We both want to get dogs really bad but can't because she won't allow pets in the house. So there's another plus. No matter how I explain it he won't listen. I feel so trapped.

Quote:

Originally Posted by deathbladex34

So my husband and I got married this past spring. I moved down from Iowa to Texas where he lives. His parents currently own 2 homes, so we live in one right now. His mother is a bit controlling. I would LOVE to work with children, such as babysitting, and I was helping a friend out by watching her two kids, it was in a crime filled area and when she found out she made me quit. She won't let me babysit for anyone unless its through a daycare place.
Anyways, a while back she asked me if I was taking birth control pills, and I told her no. Because I am terrible at remembering to take a pill the other day, its just not reliable enough for us. So we use condoms every time. Apparently knowing that just makes her crazy. Its like she just sits there and it eats away at her. Today, she called us, WHILE SHES AT WORK, and is all freaking out that I'm not taking birth control pills. She's called us twice today and the first time didn't bother me more than normal, it was just her normal talking about it, but the second time she wanted to know my birth date. She was making me an appointment at planned parenthood for birth control pills. I have to go, if I want to or not because I live in her house. I have to do everything she tells me to because I live in her house. I haven't gotten pregnant yet so you'd think she would get that we are taking care of it. Why does she have to be this way? Is it right for her to do this? Is it right for me to be angry with her over this?

Some added things, My husband thinks she is doing nothing wrong. He is constantly defending her and acts like I'm crazy because I get upset. I keep asking to move to an apartment and he will say he will look in to it and then he never does. I feel like its just me fighting against a huge army. I don't know how to get past this. I just want some freedom in my own life. Has she ever thought that maybe I want a baby? We aren't going to have one because he's not ready yet but she just doesn't think of what I want. They told me she has a plan for me, and I guess next year shes sending me to college to be a nurse. I don't want to do that at all. I just don't get her..

Sounds to me that you married a mommas boy.
Either you talk to him, and tell him what it is, and how he can fix it
Or you talk to him and tell him to sign that dotted line, and wham, divorce.

Of course that's the last thing you want to do, but if you're trapped. Then it. Live your life, and not be with a little mommas boy. You're supposed to be married to a man.

Lost, is right.. I was about to say the same thing.. have you tried scaring him straight... leave for awhile and do what makes you happy, you may find that sometimes the love of our lives are not truly the ones we are meant to be with. Quit honestly it doesn't sound like your ready to do anything about it, c'mon girl, you can do it! You will find yourself with much more self confidence. It's healthy to be happy!:D

How do I leave? I don't have a job, all my family is about a thousand miles away (literally), I can't drive down here. I have no car here even if I could drive.
I'm so frustrated.

If your serious, you ask your family for help! Its your only choice, a plane ticket and go get a job when you get home. Be sure to tell your family you need the opportunity.

Quote:

Originally Posted by akez

If your serious, you ask your family for help! its your only choice, a plane ticket and go get a job when you get home. Be sure to tell your family you need the opportunity.

All right, I think I can do that. Thank you so much. This really helps. I think I already knew what I have to do, I just kind of needed some reassurance or something. Again, thank you.