Ask Me Help Desk - Is it me? I don't understand what he is doing.

First of all, I am new to this site and would like to say Hello to Everyone!
My problem:

I have been seeing a man for almost 2 years. He is 10 years younger than me. Hes 34. Our relationship has been the most beautiful thing to happen to me. He is poetic, sensitive, a great cook and caring. On the flip side he seems tight with money and has trouble communicating with me, even more as of late.

Anyway, I stay at his place 2 - 4 times a week. The problems started in March when I found him on a personal site. He said he was networking his photography biz and trying to meet people to introduce them to a poetry book he was getting ready to post on Amazon. It flipped me out to see that he was talking to women and sending poetry to them but I tried to be understand though I did freak out a lot when I first found it. Then about a month later, I found a site that he was on that was a modeling site. This modeling site has lots of naked women on it that is more porn than actual nude modeling. Not all but a lot of the portfolios are like that. Well, that freaked me out. Its like a big networking myspace sort of thing and he was leaving poetry on lots of girls pictures. I was so upset seeing poems to naked teenagers though some were just women in clothing. The site upsets me because its bad enough he is looking at naked girls, he writes to them. Well this has caused lots of tension. He bought biz cards and put a pic of a girl looking seductive on it that said he would take pics for free to build theirs and his portfolio. I thought he was trying to shove it in my face and without thinking I just ripped the card in half.

He has told me that if I don't like him wanting to take pics of women that I should just leave, but I really love this man. I keep packing my bags then I come back. He says he does not believe me anymore. Anyway, he said that I call him too much and he turned off his cell phone.

This past Saturday, I went to his house and he was packing for a biz trip for his real job. He has not wanted to make love to me because he says he is too angry with me. I just ask him to please show respect for my feelings and that I can't stand him telling these women how beautiful they are. He should be saying these things to me.

Anyhow, he practically ignored me and he just got into his car unexpectedly to leave for Washington dc, I asked when he will be coming back. He said whenever I come back. He was meeting about 7 guys from work who are all single to convoy for this 7 hour trip.

He never told me where he was staying or when he was coming back. He has not emailed or called me.

I don't know if we are broken up or not. He said. ' I am putting my foot down, I don't like what you do." i said, " I just want you to show attention to me and consider my feelings for you talking to people on personal sites and naked model sites."

This is the first time we have not spoken everyday since we met. I feel like I am going crazy, I keep thinking he is cheating on me since he has refused to be intimate with me in 2 weeks. He also seemed to pay special attention to his looks by going to get his teeth whitened and buying new clothes, haircut etc... but I don't want to read into anything.

Please somebody give me some thoughts on all this. Does it seem like he left me for good? I have a hunch he probably won't come back until after this holiday is over which is a week from now.

I am not sure if you realize it or not, but you have written an honest and personal goodbye letter to him -- through this site.

There is NO reason to fight for this relationship.

Why? Read your own words.

No one could recommend you fight for a relationship in which you are demeaned, ignored, insulted and disrespected. Don't let his delusions become your reality.

Every day I tell people that this takes GUTS. Some have it. Some do not. The ones who cannot face moving on immediately will get there eventually or suffer on and on. But, the ones who do grit their teeth, find rewards a lot quicker...

Bye. Bye buddy. I am rooting for you LovelyGirl

When in-love line goes " He's a druggie- boxer but he gives me flowers every morning, kiss me so sweet and bring breakfast in bed"

When falling out of love, line goes " He really loves me but his hair is receding, he snores bad and his feet are smelly.

In a nutshell: When in love all you see is good thing, everything else is trivial, when falling out of love, everything is bad, nothing is good.

So dear, its not you. The fact that he doesnt consider you feelings and blames things on you only shows that things are "not as sweet as it was before"

From what you have said, he's been incredibly disrespectful. If he has secret internet life, what other secrets does he have? Also, although he may not be cheating on you physically, he is cheating emotionally with these other girls.

"LovelyGirlAmI agrees: I think somewhat.....but am really don't want to leave. i just want us to communicate."

I know you don't. But he is not much of a communicator and I am not sure he respects you enough... I think you may have to take some time to find yourself - and this poet can find the door. Until then, feel free to talk here.

Typical horny old men =/

Find a guy whose going to respect you.

Thank you to those who are taking the time and have compassion for me. You don't know me but I appreciate it. I feel like I have no one to really talk to. My parents are both deceased and my brother just died and my sister is difficult to talk to. My friends don't seem interested in my love life since they do not even have a relationship. So I found this place and I just need a peace of mind.

You all have said that he shows a lack of respect. I just want my story to be clear. I have not been an angel. I really got very upset with him when I found the personal sites etc... I know that he has not cheated on me because I have really kept an eye on him to the point where I feel like I am almost a stalker. I just need affirmation all the time since what I saw him do took away my trust. But he says that he did not actually do anything, I know he sincerely wants to sell his poetry book and get a photo biz started. I am just jealous over how he is doing it.

I am a singer in a band and about 2 months ago he made a surprise visit to my show and I saw him sitting with a lady. I walk over to him and he said that she was a friend. Talking further I realized that he met here through personals and he had his paperwork out to show her photography. I said "is this a photo appointment?" And she said, "i thought we were on a date.". I said, "I am his girlfriend." she left and I freaked out on him. He said she had a picture of a dog and he wanted to get photos in his portfolio with her and the dog. He said, 'if I was hiding anything from you, then why would I bring her to your show, I would go behind your back." This feels like a weird head game to me but he says he just wants to build his biz.

Are guys just crazy?

Quote:

Originally Posted by LovelyGirlAmI

But he says he just wants to build his biz.

This guy is a RAT after all he has done to you!

Let him build his business,while you continue life without him.

Remember the NO CONTACT rule.

I think you can't handle the line of work he's in and that's the problem. He photographs girls some nude, beautiful, with bathing suits, etc. You need to accept otherwise move on. On his business he' going have a girl looking seductive that's what sells. He's going network on these sites looking for new clients to help build his career. That's where you start and sometime when you starting a new career you will offer something in return. Free picturs for them sounds good and any starving person that wants to be a model would go for this deal because pictures are expensive and at the same time he's getting experience.

Also, if he's sending them poetry he might be trying to promote his book of poetry he's about to sell on Amazon. You have to advertise some how.

I think your just insecure and turn this situation upside down. If I was in his shoes I'd be very piss at you too. I don't think you could happen his career and that want is bothering you the most. I am unsure if he'll come back to you or not but right now the space is good.

I do not think he is a good match for you and deep down you know it I'd bet. You are not crazy. This is just not for you. Don't let him make you think he is the only fish in the sea. He is not. Sorry but I am not a fan of this nude photo poet dude. You can do better.

He doesn't want to do nude photos or so he says. He just networks with girls that are willing to pose nude.

Yes, I have grown very insecure. I thought he was into wedding photography when I met him.

I am also insecure because he doesn't give me any indicators that we will be together for real. He says he would rather live together than get married but that is not set in stone.

I think if I had more of a commitment then I would feel secure. I told him I felt used after all this time if we don't get together and then he stopped wanting to be intimate.

He said well if you feel that way then I won't be with you in that way and I am still furious with you.

This is the first time we have not at least said hello each day. It hurts me deeply that he won't even let me know he is OK or when he is coming back.

He just said , you break up with me at least every 3 to 5 weeks. If you don't like what I do leave,

I just want him to be the person I first met. He made me feel secure and special and now I feel like I share him with these other women.

Regardless of who is right or wrong, it sounds like your relationship is chaotic. It does not sound like it is good or healthy for either of you. Do yourself and him a favor and move on.

Quote:

Originally Posted by jjwoodhull

Regardless of who is right or wrong, it sounds like your relationship is chaotic. It does not sound like it is good or healthy for either of you. Do yourself and him a favor and move on.

Its chaotic because he won't give me the security I need. If he did, I would feel I could trust him. I sato him what do you want from me? He says no stress and drama is what I want. I say if you make me feel secure, if I know we will be together for real then I won't feel stress. I can't feel like I am up in the air. I need to know what we are doing. I told him I wanted to marry him. I never said that to a man before.

I feel like I would live in a box just to be with this guy, I just want respect for my feelings, I do not know how to make him understand.

Quote:

Originally Posted by LovelyGirlAmI

He just networks with girls that are willing to pose nude.

Believe me,this is just as bad,as the temptation (yes,the opportunity,too! ) to photo
These girs in the nude is ALWAYS there. :(

... He only has to ask.

Quote:

I think if I had more of a commitment then I would feel secure. I told him I felt used after all this time if we don't get together and then he stopped wanting to be intimate.

Why do you want this guy,and more commitment? You've said that you feel used,and,
That's exactly what he is doing to you. :(

You said that you told him you want to marry him... WHY? Getting married will not solve the problems in your relationship.

I feel I need to know for sure what we are doing. 2 years everyday has been spent. I can't go on in limbo. I am 44. He says that he can't imagine life without me then, why is he doing this to me? Why won't he just say he wants to be together for real? I don't understand.

I am upset about how he networks but I don't want to throw it all away. When its good it's the best I ever felt with any man. This is making me sick.

You seem like you want more than he's offering. Why would you think he would want to get marry when your breaking it off 4-5 times within weeks apart. Do you really think if you get marry you would security? Your two don't need to be together. You really need to move and work on in any issues you have within yourself and don't ever settle. You can't make someone do or be something their not or don't want.

Quote:

You really need to move and work on in any issues you have within yourself.

There are far too many issues in this relationship for it to work. These issues MUST be resolved!

Quote:

Originally Posted by LovelyGirlAmI

Thank you to those who are taking the time and have compassion for me. you don;t know me but i appreciate it. I feel like I have no one to really talk to. My parents are both deceased and my brother just died and my sister is difficult to talk to. My friends don't seem interested in my love life since they do not even have a relationship. So I found this place and i just need a peace of mind.

You all have said that he shows a lack of respect. I just want my story to be clear. I have not been an angel. I really got very upset with him when i found the personal sites etc...I know that he has not cheated on me because I have really kept an eye on him to the point where i feel like I am almost a stalker. I just need affirmation all the time since what I saw him do took away my trust. But he says that he did not actually do anything, I know he sincerely wants to sell his poetry book and get a photo biz started. I am just jealous over how he is doing it.

I am a singer in a band and about 2 months ago he made a surprise visit to my show and i saw him sitting with a lady. I walk over to him and he said that she was a friend. talking further I realized that he met here through personals and he had his paperwork out to show her photography. I said "is this a photo appointment?" And she said, "i thought we were on a date.". I said, "I am his girlfriend." she left and I freaked out on him. He said she had a picture of a dog and he wanted to get photos in his portfolio with her and the dog. He said, 'if i was hiding anything from you, then why would i bring her to your show, I would go behind your back." This feels like a weird head game to me but he says he just wants to build his biz.

Are guys just crazy?

See that part? Why would she freak out if you told her you was his girlfriend?

That is a red flag right there regardless of his post-comments about they were friends.

DUMP HIM.

Yes, say him good bye and in a way, you have communicated your feelings and you just need to say it to him personally or make it reach him, and if you do not want, do not.

The chapter is CLOSED for good, literally, and virtually!!