Okay, for your sanity's sake, this is the (super) shortened version. Just know that I'm 23, female, have a HUGE libido.. And I've tried to talk with my fiancé about this numerous times (civilized-like.. No women hysteria I promise.)

He never initiates sex.. Ever. It's a big problem (for me) because of the huge libido. I hate asking for anything, though. A little bit of begging is sexy, but not when I have to take him play by play through the entirety of our lovemaking session..

Now, don't think that I can't not be in charge and I'm forcing him, because I'm not. I'm EXTREMELY submissive by nature. I wouldn't even ask for anything unless I was absolutely desperate for any kind of sexual attention (which I am). I don't want to have to tell him what to do.. I want him to do it without me asking, to get the urge to do something.. Anything.. To think of ways to make me feel good.. Because he wants to make me feel good, you know? I know I get the urge to make him feel good all the time. I'm always giving him blow jobs (also without him asking), backrubs, doing what turns him on..

At face value, it looks like he doesn't enjoy making me feel good. I've asked him that, bluntly, and he says he enjoys it, he just doesn't get the same urges I do. I asked him some time later how I could spend the rest of my life with a man who didn't get the urge to make me feel good. He didn't answer.

I don't think the problem is that he feels inadequate, he lasts as long as he wants, as long as *I* want, he's normal sized.. He tells me I'm beautiful all the time, and sexy, so it's not my body turning him off.

He isn't straying, he's so attentive to me out of the bedroom, we are, for sure, absolutely in love. He's cuddly, touches me intimately, holds my hand, rubs my back, cooks for me..

So anyway, I love snooping (like most girls) and most of the time when I find he's been looking at porn, a lot of it is of gay guys or transgendered.. girl/guys (The chicks with tits and a penis). He's sucked off guys before.. A few of them, in fact, so it's not just a one time experiment. I have no problem with this, of course, because I'm pretty kinky myself. He loves it when I play with his butt, inside and out.. Again, I love doing it..

But.. Sometimes when he's drunk, he makes comments that really make me wonder.. He's told me he'd suck off a guy for me.. FOR me. We've talked about those things before, and I'm interested in it.. But the way he says all of it.. He seems truly excited about doing anything with a guy.. Whereas he never seems excited about doing anything sexually with me. I don't remember precisely what he's said, but I DO recall the vibe I got from him when he's talked about it.. He's also mentioned letting a guy him.. Now, I would enjoy watching him with a man.. But it doesn't seem to me like it's about all of us, so much as him with another guy..

I don't know, maybe I'm just upset because he never initiates sex.. But there has to be a reason why he's so shy about initiating sex with me, aside from the fact that he's submissive himself, you know?

Anyway, I'm up for suggestions.. Sorry for the epic post.

Yes he is completely gay,

OK, no, he sounds like he has various sexual habits or fantizies, if he was completely gay he would not desire sex with you at all. He may be bisexual, or just have some group fantisies and so on. Everyone has their own ideas, I have often said that people should try ideas to keep things from getting old, OK not group, but dress up, games and more.
Some guys are afraid to ask, they were turned down too many times in past. So they don't ask any more. ( maybe a old ex broke his spirit_

Whether he's gay or not, you two don't seem to be sexually compatible to the level that you need in your life. I say cut your losses and move on.

He's obviously bi without a doubt. But I'd take a guess and say he also has a low libido. Not all guys are horndogs that will hump anything that moves and some that won't.

Its not unusual to have cases where one person has a high libido and the other a very low one. As has been mentioned that alone is a good reason to reconsider your relationship and move on to find a closer match to you.

Decided to edit this.

Has he been under any great stress recently for any reason, and does he have any medical conditions that has him taking meds? Is he depressed etc. these are all things that can cause a low libido on an otherwise average guy.

Hey! I am going to seem like an idiot, but what is a libido? I am guessing that it is something that makes you horny or getting turned on a lot. I just don't know, and I guess I have never heard of it. I was just wondering about it. As far as your fiancé, I think he might enjoy being with men more than women. He might really love you, but I think sexually he would rather be with a man. He may be using you as a cover up. If I were you, I would move on and let him fulfill his fantasies and you should fulfill your fantasies and your sexual desires. Thanks!

Libido is your desire to have sex.

Websters definition


Libido

Main Entry: li·bi·do http://www.merriam-webster.com/images/audio.gif Pronunciation: \lə-ˈbē-(ˌ)dō also ˈli-bə-ˌdō\ Function: noun Inflected Form(s): plural li·bi·dos Etymology: New Latin libidin-, libido, from Latin, desire, lust, from libēre to please — more at love Date: 1909 1 : instinctual psychic energy that in psychoanalytic theory is derived from primitive biological urges (as for sexual pleasure or self-preservation) and that is expressed in conscious activity

2 : sexual drive

The only think I can think of in terms of stress that he's under is that he doesn't have a job right now.. Not that it matters much because he lives with his parents and doesn't have to pay for anything. ;)

I don't want to end the relationship.. I am 100% sure that I want to spend the rest of my life with his man. We have the same interests, have pretty good communication skills, and most importantly I absolutely trust him. Outside of the bedroom my man is perfect. I couldn't be happier with him.. And when I ask him for things, he'll do them.. He never seems to not want it.. I don't know, I was hoping for more suggestions as to how to ask him to pull me into the bedroom without telling him flat out that I want him to do me.. heh

He is bisexual and as far as I can tell, you are somewhat excited by the prospect of more than just him in bed with you as well.

By the way, Anal stimulation does not preclude you as gay. Just wanted to clear that up.

If it does not seem to worry you, perhaps you could try the multiple partner thing-but you would have to agree totally and (unfortunately, runthe risk of perhaps getting jealous, considering his apparent excitement at the prospect of homosexual sex).

I think that if you can handle his bisexuality-things might work out for you both, but if you can't stomach the bisexuality-then I think you may need to leave.

I suppose my topic was a bit off.. I mean, I truly am worried that after all of the effort of wherever our relationship might take us, I will end up anywhere from 1-100 years older with a husband who suddenly decides he can no longer be with me because he is gay.

I have no problem with him being bi, after all, I am bi myself. I just want more attention from him in the bedroom.. I want him to be as dedicated to making me feel good as he is to playing his damn playstation.

As for sharing in the bedroom, I've done it in the past (with mixed results) and while I doubt jealousy would be an issue, I'm just not in that much of a hurry to bring somebody else into the bedroom to get his attentions when he can't even completely fulfill my desires, you know?

I wasn't advising you to bring in another so that HE could feel better per se, I was trying to see if you were okay with it-which you are-good for you!

I would dump the playstation. That is a no-no for sex! I would give him an ultimatum, give me what I want on an agreed term/frequency or else, if he doesn't ot want to (and sorry, but the too tired, too pressured etc. rule does not apply, he needs to satisfy you) if you vcant at least come to some sort of arrangement-then maybe YOU may need to find another partner with or without his knowledge..

Heh. You know, with any other man I've been with and been unhappy, I've considered cheating.. I never did, of course, I dumped them before I got that desperate.. I've always hoped to find a man who was poly amorous so that I would have enough partners to satisfy me..

But this man.. This is the first time I've ever not wanted to cheat on anyone. Like I said, I never have, but I've certainly seriously considered it in the past.. But. That is absolutely not the answer in this situation. Sure, I need it, but I respect him far too much. That was one of the first things that made me decide that he is the one. ;)

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Originally Posted by Jurney

The only think I can think of in terms of stress that he's under is that he doesn't have a job right now.. Not that it matters much because he lives with his parents and doesn't have to pay for anything. ;)

I don't want to end the relationship.. I am 100% sure that I want to spend the rest of my life with his man. We have the same interests, have pretty good communication skills, and most importantly I absolutely trust him. Outside of the bedroom my man is perfect. I couldn't be happier with him.. And when I ask him for things, he'll do them.. He never seems to not want it.. I dunno, I was hoping for more suggestions as to how to ask him to pull me into the bedroom without telling him flat out that I want him to do me.. heh

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He may not have the stress of rent and utilities so without knowing him its hard to guess. But still for the average person losing ones job does knock you down a few rungs on the ladder of happiness. Problem is sorting out what's going on in his head because there may be different things that could get him motivated or nothing depending on his thought processes and situation.

I've been laid off before and that really does take the wind out of a guys sail. However I did have rent and utilities to stress over as well.

Was he this way before losing his job? Or was he like this before? Just trying to get a better understanding of him before formulating some ideas.


With that part said I think some of what you are asking is a guy his age usually has a lot to learn about women and what they want and like. That's why you see so many older guys with young women. That's not a plug, I'm married.

Women your age are more mature than the average guy is, just a fact of life. A key is how willing and interested is he to learn? Perhaps you could use this as an opportunity to teach him. Trust me women are a mystery to most men. What you may see as obvious to you he might not even see or understand.

I had a jump start in college in that I had a girlfriend who was bi. Was a huge shock to me at the time but being a typical horny guy I obliged. They both gave me lessons in what women like ( literally not figuratively) brcause I was a typical 18 year old guy who thought he knew a lot more than he really did at that time that have served me well over the years since. I'm forever in their debt.

Sure enough, he is a gay, gay and gay only. But, is there there any chance of survival of the relationship and can she continue to be his fiancée and later MARRIES him, or should she say ADIEU I mean bye-bye to that GAY fellow!!

Is there any possibility that he may be no more GAY, or can he get rid of his GAY-SHIP?

I'm ignoring the previous post because it's completely ridiculous lol.

Now, from the time we've been dating until now (about a year) he's been the same. Even when he had jobs and money he seemed indifferent as to how our sexual life went on.

I guess I never mentioned, He turned 28 in January, and now that I think about it, I turned 24 last month. Oops lol.

Anyway, I've tried to teach him. When he plays with me, I ask him to do things, and every time he does something good that I like, I tell him I like it and how good he makes me feel, hoping he'll hear that and remember what he was doing so he can do it again.. I sure as hell pay attention to him when I notice I've done something that makes his toes curl because I want to do it more for him.. I thought that's what lovers did..

Most of the time as soon as I say I like something, he starts doing something else.. Or I have to remind him of what to do. He always says he knows what I like… And he isn't stupid. After I ask him a zillion times to lick my ear, then whimper and turn to goo in his arms when he does, he sure as hell should realize I like it. Yet, he never does it without me asking. He's fingered me 4 times (in the last year), and every time because I asked him to.. For only a few minutes, because it hurts his hands if he does it too long… Which is fine, I can understand not doing it too long.. It's not even that specifically that I want..

I only need a little.. Just the fact that he wants to… Well, I know he wants to do what I ask him to… But I want him to get the urge to make me feel good in the first place without having to tell him.

You know, I've always known that I was a special girl.. Now, I'm not saying that because I'm stuck up or anything, because I'm not.. I'm extremely kinky, I'll try anything twice, very open about things.. I hoped that when I found the one, he would appreciate me and my sexuality.. And have a libido to match mine. It's kind of disheartening that I've fallen in love with the only man I've ever met who isn't a horndog.

I guess I've known all along that it was going to turn into a decision to settle or to spin the wheel of life again and hope for something better.. The problem is that he is so absolutely perfect outside of the bedroom.. I cannot emphasize this enough. And it's not like he's bad in the bedroom, per se.. We still have passion.. I just have to tell him what to do. Isn't that every woman's perfect man? He does whatever I want.. Doesn't complain.. You know, re-reading over this, I just sound whiny.. He's a pretty good guy. Maybe it's me who doesn't deserve him. *sigh*

I've heard that getting on medication for depression curbs your sexual drive.. I'm not depressed, but maybe it would help..

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Originally Posted by Jurney

I'm ignoring the previous post because it's completely ridiculous lol.

heartening.

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Really?

Why?

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Jurney

I'm ignoring the previous post because it's completely ridiculous lol.

Now, from the time we've been dating until now (about a year) he's been the same. Even when he had jobs and money he seemed indifferent as to how our sexual life went on.

I guess I never mentioned, He turned 28 in January, and now that I think about it, I turned 24 last month. Oops lol.

Anyway, I've tried to teach him. When he plays with me, I ask him to do things, and every time he does something good that I like, I tell him I like it and how good he makes me feel, hoping he'll hear that and remember what he was doing so he can do it again.. I sure as hell pay attention to him when I notice I've done something that makes his toes curl because I want to do it more for him.. I thought that's what lovers did..

Most of the time as soon as I say I like something, he starts doing something else.. Or I have to remind him of what to do. He always says he knows what I like… And he isn't stupid. After I ask him a zillion times to lick my ear, then whimper and turn to goo in his arms when he does, he sure as hell should realize I like it. Yet, he never does it without me asking. He's fingered me 4 times (in the last year), and every time because I asked him to.. For only a few minutes, because it hurts his hands if he does it too long… Which is fine, I can understand not doing it too long.. It's not even that specifically that I want..

I only need a little.. Just the fact that he wants to… Well, I know he wants to do what I ask him to… But I want him to get the urge to make me feel good in the first place without having to tell him.

You know, I've always known that I was a special girl.. Now, I'm not saying that because I'm stuck up or anything, because I'm not.. I'm extremely kinky, I'll try anything twice, very open about things.. I hoped that when I found the one, he would appreciate me and my sexuality.. And have a libido to match mine. It's kind of disheartening that I've fallen in love with the only man I've ever met who isn't a horndog.

I guess I've known all along that it was going to turn into a decision to settle or to spin the wheel of life again and hope for something better.. The problem is that he is so absolutely perfect outside of the bedroom.. I cannot emphasize this enough. And it's not like he's bad in the bedroom, per se.. We still have passion.. I just have to tell him what to do. Isn't that every woman's perfect man? He does whatever I want.. Doesn't complain.. You know, re-reading over this, I just sound whiny.. He's a pretty good guy. Maybe it's me who doesn't deserve him. *sigh*

I've heard that getting on medication for depression curbs your sexual drive.. I'm not depressed, but maybe it would help..

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He's not dumb. He's oblivious.

He has a woman that will entertain his kinks (which are not little ones) and he basically ignores her needs. He doesn't realise how few really will. Many 20 something year old women are still stick in the muds at least when I was that age they were. Lot of women don't really open up until past 30.

You aren't doing anything wrong. Its he who can't recognise what he has in front of him. Like they say. You can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink.

I'd skip meds. You seem to have a real healthy and open minded approach. Why ruin it. There are lots of guys who do care that would give their left testical ((figuratively) to find a girl like you.

I'm sorry Delight, were you actually giving me real advice? If you were attempting to, then I offer my apologies.. Because the way I saw it, you hadn't actually read my post.. Or if you had, then you completely missed what the conversation was about.

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Originally Posted by Jurney

I'm sorry Delight, were you actually giving me real advice? If you were attempting to, then I offer my apologies.. Because the way I saw it, you hadn't actually read my post.. Or if you had, then you completely missed what the conversation was about.

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At certain places, I could not make out your English, as Im Indian and am weak in Queen's lingo, and I ll try to reply after I improfe my English. Thanks for soft corner for me, and sorry again if I hurt you anyway.

I'm not the kind of person to take crap.. Growing up I was always made to, because as a child you really have no control of your life and who you are surrounded by.. But now that I am an adult, I don't see any reason to.

I am also not the kind of person to sit back and let problems work themselves out.. If there is a problem, ignoring it isn't going to make it go away, and odds are that if I sit around and think about it, it'll just get me in my unhappy place..

So, I'm open to new ways of dealing with problems. That's why I was thinking about meds.. If they cause no adverse reactions to me, and they help the problem, then what's the harm? I'm only looking to curb my libido.. heh.

Sure, and fine. Keep it up, and everything would be smooth.