I wonder if my fiancé is gay.
Okay, for your sanity's sake, this is the (super) shortened version. Just know that I'm 23, female, have a HUGE libido.. And I've tried to talk with my fiancé about this numerous times (civilized-like.. No women hysteria I promise.)
He never initiates sex.. Ever. It's a big problem (for me) because of the huge libido. I hate asking for anything, though. A little bit of begging is sexy, but not when I have to take him play by play through the entirety of our lovemaking session..
Now, don't think that I can't not be in charge and I'm forcing him, because I'm not. I'm EXTREMELY submissive by nature. I wouldn't even ask for anything unless I was absolutely desperate for any kind of sexual attention (which I am). I don't want to have to tell him what to do.. I want him to do it without me asking, to get the urge to do something.. Anything.. To think of ways to make me feel good.. Because he wants to make me feel good, you know? I know I get the urge to make him feel good all the time. I'm always giving him blow jobs (also without him asking), backrubs, doing what turns him on..
At face value, it looks like he doesn't enjoy making me feel good. I've asked him that, bluntly, and he says he enjoys it, he just doesn't get the same urges I do. I asked him some time later how I could spend the rest of my life with a man who didn't get the urge to make me feel good. He didn't answer.
I don't think the problem is that he feels inadequate, he lasts as long as he wants, as long as *I* want, he's normal sized.. He tells me I'm beautiful all the time, and sexy, so it's not my body turning him off.
He isn't straying, he's so attentive to me out of the bedroom, we are, for sure, absolutely in love. He's cuddly, touches me intimately, holds my hand, rubs my back, cooks for me..
So anyway, I love snooping (like most girls) and most of the time when I find he's been looking at porn, a lot of it is of gay guys or transgendered.. girl/guys (The chicks with tits and a penis). He's sucked off guys before.. A few of them, in fact, so it's not just a one time experiment. I have no problem with this, of course, because I'm pretty kinky myself. He loves it when I play with his butt, inside and out.. Again, I love doing it..
But.. Sometimes when he's drunk, he makes comments that really make me wonder.. He's told me he'd suck off a guy for me.. FOR me. We've talked about those things before, and I'm interested in it.. But the way he says all of it.. He seems truly excited about doing anything with a guy.. Whereas he never seems excited about doing anything sexually with me. I don't remember precisely what he's said, but I DO recall the vibe I got from him when he's talked about it.. He's also mentioned letting a guy him.. Now, I would enjoy watching him with a man.. But it doesn't seem to me like it's about all of us, so much as him with another guy..
I don't know, maybe I'm just upset because he never initiates sex.. But there has to be a reason why he's so shy about initiating sex with me, aside from the fact that he's submissive himself, you know?
Anyway, I'm up for suggestions.. Sorry for the epic post.