Ask Me Help Desk - Child Custody.

My brother's girlfriend gave her daughter to the father three years ago. There was no court order or custody order done. She just gave the baby to him. Now, three years later she wants to go get her daughter back. He now lives in a different state with the little girl in his parents home. She wanted to know if there is any way that she can get her daughter back. She was talking about going out there and knocking on the door and just taking the kid back and coming back to our state. I told her that she can't just go take the baby from the father who has been raising her for the past three years with no help from her. I told her that she would probably end up going to jail for kidnapping. So, my question is, what actions can she take that are legal for her to start being a part of this child's life? I am pretty sure that she can not get full-custody of the child since she has not been around for three years. But, I am not sure what the law is if there is no custody order or child support order. Can anyone give me advice to give to her? Thanks!

The father needs to start custody proceedings NOW. Have him go see a family law facilitator or clinic attorney right away. Or you could go and get the forms for him. He should get an attorney though if not familiar with the proceedings and get this matter filed with the courts today and her served ASAP.

She has every right to do the same thing of course, but since she has had no part of the child's life, unless father could be deemed unfit by the court, no court is going to give a 3 yr old child to a parent who has had zero contact with the child for the child's lifetime. They will probably grant her visitation rights though I would think as most courts deem it best for the child to have access to both parents. Her filing for custody is going to be tough as the child is a resident of another state too.

Why did she give over the child before and why the change of heart now?

The father can also try to get child support from her? She'll have to go to court and she can start by contacting court to find out what she has to do and get a lawyer.

Quote:

Originally Posted by no harm trying

The father needs to start custody proceedings NOW. Have him go see a family law facilitator or clinic attorney right away. Or you could go and get the forms for him. He should get an attorney though if not familiar with the proceedings and get this matter filed with the courts today and her served ASAP.

She has every right to do the same thing of course, but since she has had no part of the child's life, unless father could be deemed unfit by the court, no court is going to give a 3 yr old child to a parent who has had zero contact with the child for the child's lifetime. They will probably grant her visitation rights though I would think as most courts deem it best for the child to have access to both parents. Her filing for custody is going to be tough as the child is a resident of another state too.

Why did she give over the child before and why the change of heart now?

I read this as the OP being concerned about the mother's rights to the child, not the father's. If the mother wants visitation (or whatever she wants) she's the one who has to petition the Court, not the father. The father already has the child - and has had the child for some time. Or am I reading this wrong?

The mother would have to file in the jurisdiction where the child resides - and that appears to be in another State. "Usually" she would contact an Attorney where she is and that Attorney would contact an Attorney in the father's area on her behalf. Better than just picking a name out of a phone book!

I doubt legal aid (or anything similar) will be helpful because two different States are involved.

Of course, this could very well involve the mother having to travel back and forth for hearings and evaluations. Depending on the circumstances she could be awarded supervised visitation with the child - I am sure she won't get full custody - and that will involve travel back and forth.

And you are right - she can't just show up at the door and grab the child without being arrested.

The mother and father have equal rights to the child until the Court decides otherwise but if she has been absent from the child's life pretty much since birth she is a stranger to the child the Court will not be as flexible as if she had been in the child's life or in and out.

She should be aware that once she files for custody/visitation the father's Attorney will file for support - has she been paying support all along?

Why did she give over the child before and why the change of heart now?

I have no idea! I guess her seeing my 3 year old daughter may be making her think about her daughter that she gave up. She was 15 when she gave the baby up and the father was 18 or 19 I think and she just had a son like a month ago. So, I am not sure why she had the change of heart. I would never be able to give my kid up like that, for this exact reason. But, she has no real family out here, so I think that is one of the main reasons she gave it to the father was because of lack of support. Now she is supporting her other child on her own and she has my brother behind her as well. I hope that she could at least be a part of the child's life, for her sake.

Quote:

Originally Posted by ANB428

Why did she give over the child before and why the change of heart now?

I have no idea!! I guess her seeing my 3 year old daughter may be making her think about her daughter that she gave up. She was 15 when she gave the baby up and the father was 18 or 19 I think and she just had a son like a month ago. So, I am not sure why she had the change of heart. I would never be able to give my kid up like that, for this exact reason. But, she has no real family out here, so I think that is one of the main reasons why she gave it to the father was because of lack of support. Now she is supporting her other child on her own and she has my brother behind her as well. I hope that she could at least be a part of the child's life, for her sake.

And she won't be the first or the last to make a mistake and want to correct it. And I never say never - you just don't know.

If she was 15 with no family support and the father was 18 or 19 with family support the child was probably better off with the father.

Is she positive that the father was never awarded custody? Does she support the child?

The father already has the child - and has had the child for some time. Or am I reading this wrong?
Yes, the father has the child now.

And you are right - she can't just show up at the door and grab the child without being arrested.
That is what I told her! I told her that if my daughter's father tried to do that with our daughter. I would call the COPS forsure!!

She should be aware that once she files for custody/visitation the father's Attorney will file for support - has she been paying support all along?
No, she hasn't paid anything to my knowledge.

Is she positive that the father was never awarded custody? Does she support the child?

She said that neither one of them have custody. But, I am not positive that he doesn't.

To my knowledge she hasn't supported the child in any way.

Quote:

Originally Posted by ANB428

Is she positive that the father was never awarded custody? Does she support the child?

She said that neither one of them have custody. But, I am not positive that he doesn't.

To my knowledge she hasn't supported the child in any way.

He must never have formalized legal custody.

The fact that she has never provided support is not going to help her and I would expect support to be ordered if she tries for visitation/custody.

My point mainly was there does need to be custody established now that both parents are legally adults. She needs to contact the court in the county where the father lives then and find out if he ever started any custody proceedings. I doubt it as is not mentioned that she was ever served anything. She can petition the court but it will take some doing and will be very mentally and emotionally trying, plus she has to go to the state where the child is. She can work with the father and set up an agreed visitation schedule and they can both file the motion with the court, since stipulated (agreed) the courts will most likely grant it as they like parents working together in the best interest of their child rather than playing tug-a-war with the kid.

I realize this is all hard on her, but she has to realize how hard it would be on the child even more so to just be ripped from the arms of those she knows and taken to live with a stranger.

She does need to become involved in the child's life in a non-threatening manner. Ask to visit with the child, let the father or grandparents be present so the child can get to know her mom. That is what is important and what is best for the child.

Now that she is an adult, she should also be trying to provide support for the child as well. If she can get along civilly with the father, there are many online child support calculators for them to see if she should be providing child support. I realize since she was a minor that was the furthest thing from her mind, but her and the father should consider it as well.

Judy has this pretty much handled so all I'm going to add is that she needs to expect to have to make all the extra effort in gaining visitation. She will have to go to court to petition the judge to allow visitation first and she would be much better off with a lawyer especially because she has to go to the other state.

Okay, thank you all for all of your help. I will let her know!

[QUOTE=Comments on this post
no harm trying agrees: Yes, I was thining of the best interest f the child to protect the child from being kidnapped and gave a impartial point of view, sorry.

It's not a matter of being impartial. It's stating the law and answering the question which is how does the mother get the child back - ?

If it were this simple the mother would call the father on the phone and they could/would arrange something.

What the father would or could or should do is immaterial here.