Ask Me Help Desk - Custody change?

Hi. My husband has physical custody of his 14 yo daughter. He has had physical custody since she was 2 yo. Now.. 12 yrs later, her biological mother is going to take us to court for custody of 14 yo. She has never been steady with paying child support, we have taken her to court about 3-4 times for that. She has never been involved in anything in her life, school, medical, dental, activities, nothing. Only the last year or 2 has she even bought her a couple outfits for school! She has never contributed to anything that daughter has neede. Father has basically supported and raied her alone the last 12 years! She takes her mostly on her visitations, every other weekend, e/o major holiday. We have found out through 14 yo that mother talks bad about biological father, says she hates him, and other things in front of daughter. Daughter has expressed interest in living with mom... so she can "have more freedoms". She has said that she can't listen to music that she wants and watch whatever movies she wants. That is her "freedoms" she has told us. We know for a fact that biological mother has been asking her for about 2 years at every visitation "who do you want to live with". Why would she do that to her? My questions is... how good of a chance does biological mother have to get physical cusody of her?

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Originally Posted by smc0615

She has never been involved in anything in her life, school, medical, dental, activities, nothing. ...She takes her mostly on her visitations, every other weekend, e/o major holiday.

Those two statements are contradictory. If she has been getting the girl for regular visitations then she IS part of the girl's life.

As such, she stands a decent chance of getting custody. However, if the daughter tells a judge its so she can listen to her music and watch her moves, I doubt if the judge will grant it. It will look like the mother is indulging the girl to get her to want to move in.

I would suggest though, that you loosen up on the girl. You may not like her taste in entertainment, but, at 14, she is entitled to some leeway here.

I can see your point. Mom is some what involved, but nothing other than visitation and sometimes child support. We are leinient with 14 yo. What we do is we review the movie to see the content before we let her watch it and also we look at lyrics before she can listen. If it's all about sex and is filthy, obviouly we won't let her listen/watch. We believe it's just an excuse, because we really have no restricitons and daughter gets to do pretty much everything she asks. She is a good kid. It's probably just 14 yo normal pushing the boundaries. At 14, I didn't like to be told anything either. But back to custody, if mother is badgering daughter and slandering father, can we use that in court? I have read a lot about how a judge looks harshly on any parents who puts their child ina position to choose one parent over the other. That is what we feel she is doing. Planting negativity into the daughter about her father.

If you can prove it, certainly you can bring up that the mother is brainwashing the daughter. If she does file for a custody change, you need to get a lawyer to help you prepare your defense.

And though this is Family Law not Parenting, and while I do understand your screening your daughter's entertainment, frankly, I would be more open. If she wants to listen to a song with lyrics that are all about sex and/or are profanity laden, don't stop her. Explain to her that you disapprove on the content, but don't stop her. A good part of the attraction is forbidden fruit. If you keep things from her, she will want them more. But if you let her have them but don't condone them, you are putting the responsibility on her shoulders. If she is a good girl, she will want to show she is ready for the responsibility.

Scottgem... thanks for your help and your opinions! That is a good point and will think to do that the next time we encounter an issue with daughter!