Hello, My name is Kelly. I am eighteen years old and my boyfriend is twenty-four. We have been living together for over a year now and I love him with all of my heart, but there is a problem. He won't kiss me, we won't hold me, we don't have sex anymore, we watches porn all the time even though I've asked him not to and told him that is makes me feel ugly and that it makes me feel like I'm not good enough. I am bipolor and I can't handle this. I haven't eaten in a week because I feel fat, I cry everyday, we fight all the time, he hits me and chokes me, and he calls me names all of the time, like, and whore. He really hurts my feelings. He also has a problem with spending all of my money. I get 800 dollars a month and he gets every cent and he don't even appriciate it. I mean here I am working my off to take care of myself and I can't keep any money because he is a drug addict.
I've met this guy who is really sweet and very attractive and we have amazing chemistry. He wants me to move in with him but, I do love my man with all of my heart but I cannot handle this anymore. I feel like such a whore even thought I haven't really done anything but feel something for someone else. Please help me. What should I do? Shuld I leave or stay? And if I stay, how can I fix our relationship?:confused: :confused: :confused: :

Get out of any relationship that involves any type of abuse. Right now you are being mentally and physically abused. No one deserves to be treated that way for any reason. Don't wait any longer, go somewhere safe.

... and you continue to stay with him because..?

He calls you names, chokes you, takes your money, why don't you take your money and run??

If you call what he does love then you need help asap.
WHAT is there to love about him? You CAN do way better! You are lying to yourself and wasting your time and life.

Listen to me, and listen very carefully okay! LEAVE... don't even wait to do it... LEAVE NOW! YOU cannot fix this relationship! Your LOVE cannot fix him! He is mentally, emotionally, verbally, physically, and financially ABUSING YOU!. AND he is a drug addict. You could end up badly hurt or DEAD!

Please TRUST ME! I know what I am talking about here okay! It can happen to you in a split second, and you won't be able to defend yourself. I have been there, and all the love in the world won't change him and he WILL HURT YOU!

GET OUT WHILE YOU STILL CAN!!

I know, I'm so stupid. I just wanted so much to believe that I could help him and love him.I think I love him too much. I feel like I can't get away. :(

Please please please leave him. I was with an abusive drug addict and we had a daughter together and its not a good situation to be in. it has affected her really badly and ruined me. I have only just learnt to get stronger. If you don't leave him soon it could be too late. You are not alone there are people who can help you. If you don't have family or friends to help you can get a domestic violence officer through the police and there are place you can go where you will be safe.
I under stand that you love him and think that one day he will change, but they never do, trust me I waited 4 years for that day and it never came.
You got to look after yourself
If you need to chat feel free to contact me, don't feel alone

You NEED to get away. It is only going to get worse. He sees you put up with it. He disrespects you because he knows he can. He has absolutely NO reason whatsoever to change. He WILL only get worse. You are lying to yourself and in denial to the potential harm he can and will do if you stay. You will only destroy your life, he sees nothing in him that needs to change or be fixed.
Normally I never advise someone to leave and jump into another relationship but if this other guy is your only hope then you need to do it---yesterday!

You are not stupid, but you do need to go before he really hurts you even more than he's done now okay? This is NOT your fault. There is nothing that you could do different to change the way he is acting. There is nothing you have done to cause him to act this way. This is HIM PERIOD!. NOT YOU!

I know it's not easy, but this isn't love honey, this is fear! He has got you believing that you love him! Love doesn't hurt like that. Love isn't just a feeling. You need to love who you are first, and you can't do that with him anywhere near you.

Pack your things when he's gone, call your new friend and ask if he can help, and get the hell out of there! Leave without your things if you really need to, and bring a police officer to go back with you.

I am in the same situation, except he told me he cared about me but then he would make me cry every night luckily we did not live together. Until he choked me so hard I thought I was going to be killed that is not love.. its going to be hard but you have to move on its not going to work the first time he laid his hands on me I forgave him but never forgot the second time I realized it was not a good thing I could have lost my life. Believe me I love this guy I thought he would be my future but you can't change anybody. I have reported him to the police for what he did it hurts inside so much but I didn't deserve it. You should as much as it sucks get away and make yourself strong on your own you are so young and you may think you are bipolar but hun its not you its them playing with your emotions makes your emotions go crazy. I wish you the best good luck!

National Domestic Violence Hotline, 1-800-799-SAFE.

There are professionals that may be able to assist you on preparing to leave the relationship. Do NOT move in with another man right way. You need to to take a time out and focus on getting yourself together.

One more thing also. DO NOT let ANYONE... especially him, tell you that any of the things he has done is your fault. I've heard it all before. What did you do to piss him off, why didn't you do this different, or that different, why didn't you lose weight, why didn't you gain weight, why didn't you get your hair cut the way he wanted you to, why were you such a B*tch! Well if I was a B*tch, I can give you a million reasons!

DO NOT LISTEN TO ANY OF THAT BULL!. and don't wait until you are sitting in the hospital with a bunch of broken bones and a badly bruised lung like I was.

I hope we aren't hearing from you because you are busy packing!

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Originally Posted by Sad_and_Broken8

I've met this guy who is really sweet and very attractive and we have amazing chemestry. He wants me to move in with him but, I do love my man with all of my heart but I cannot handle this anymore. I feel like such a whore even thought I haven't really done anything but feel something for someone else. relationship?:confused: :confused: :confused: :

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Is he looking for work?
Does he use any drugs?
Does he drink until he throws up, blacks out or calls in to work?
Does he have a strong hatred toward his ex? his sister, or his mother?
Does he get physical with anything (including walls) when he drinks or when he is mad?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, do not move in with the new guy. Sometimes there is a pattern of abuse.

You need to talk to a professional that handles domestic violence.

Can you call your mom or dad or another family member.

Do you have a car?

Do you have a cell phone?

Okay, I understand that I need to leave. But I don't want to get the police involved, he'll go to prison for 7 years and I don't want to do that. And I'm not so sure that moving in with another guy is a good idea but I don't have anywhere else to go...

What makes you think he will go to jail for seven years?
Does he have a warrant? Is he on probation?
You need to be concerned about you not him. Sometimes people need to reap what they sow or they never learn.

If you do move in with your other friend tell him you are only ready to be friends and roommates for now.

You can contact someone from domestic violence and they will NOT get the police involved. They will assign you with an outreach counselor (for free), she will help you find a safe place to stay (for free) and arrangements to move if your family cannot help you. Make sure request you talk to one that has experience with drugs. There are several couselors so you can find one that understands your situation the best. You may be very scared about your future right now (being alone and stuff) but you are strong enough to do this and make a better life for yourself.

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Originally Posted by Sad_and_Broken8

Hello, My name is Kelly. I am eighteen years old and my boyfriend is twenty-four. We have been living together for over a year now and I love him with all of my heart, but there is a problem. He won't kiss me, we won't hold me, we don't have sex anymore, we watches porn all the time even though I've asked him not to and told him that is makes me feel ugly and that it makes me feel like I'm not good enough. I am bipolor and I can't handle this. I haven't eaten in a week because I feel fat, i cry everyday, we fight all the time, he hits me and chokes me, and he calls me names all of the time, like , , and whore. He really hurts my feelings. He also has a problem with spending all of my money. I get 800 dollars a month and he gets every cent and he don't even appriciate it. I mean here I am working my off to take care of myself and I can't keep any money because he is a drug addict.
I've met this guy who is really sweet and very attractive and we have amazing chemestry. He wants me to move in with him but, I do love my man with all of my heart but I cannot handle this anymore. I feel like such a whore even thought I haven't really done anything but feel something for someone else. Please help me. What should I do? Shuld I leave or stay? and if I stay, how can I fix our relationship?:confused: :confused: :confused: :

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National Teen Dating Abuse Hotline 1-866-331-9474

Here is a link to their website. Love is respect - National Teen Dating Abuse Helpline On the right side of the page there is a link to a representative. They will help you.

As we don't know what area, or even what country you are in, it is difficult to tell you exactly where to go. Most places will have as said above, a domestic violence unit, that will not involve the police. There are also women's shelters, or crisis shelters where you can stay for free, and they will also assist you with any help you may need to get through this. They have got counselors at these places also.

You are in DANGER where you are right now, and there are caring people that will help you.

Where is your boyfriend right now? Is he out somewhere? Is he passed out?

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Originally Posted by Sad_and_Broken8

Okay, I understand that I need to leave. But I don't want to get the police involved, he'll go to prison for 7 years and I don't want to do that. And I'm not so sure that moving in with another guy is a good idea but I don't have anywhere else to go....

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That's not always what happens. My ex got a 12mth suspended sentence. You should report incasehe tries to intimidate you after you have split up. They need as much on record as possible to be able to judge what he is like and keep you safe in the future

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Sad_and_Broken8

Okay, I understand that I need to leave. But I don't want to get the police involved, he'll go to prison for 7 years and I don't want to do that. And I'm not so sure that moving in with another guy is a good idea but I don't have anywhere else to go....

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Here's my concern - your boyfriend sounds like he has many issues, violence being one of them. If you go what makes you think he won't follow and hurt you or the people you are staying with?

If he were a stranger would you call the Police on him?

I don't know why you are certain he'll go to jail but unless he knows you are serious I see this only getting more dangerous for you.

Usually with domestic violence, at least where I live the guy is out in a matter of days.
But if there is no violence the police will not even do anything at all.
So it makes me think there is more to the story, like warrants.

You NEED to get out where ever you go but a women's DV shelter would be best cause they will hide you