Hi I'm 23 my b/f is 24 he wants to watch porn every morning when I'm out working etc but doesn't want sex with me. This is infuriating as I am highly sexed, he says he loves me and I still turn him on buti'm just always out when he's horny. If I want sex I need to wait at least 3weeks not talk about till then because apparently it feels like pressure and not to hope for anything after 11pm at night. Yes pppl I am serious! I've tried to get him to watch porn with me he says no its embarrassing he won't watch porn to get turned on then have sex with me because he feels like a loser need ing porn to please me and I tried getting erotic pics took professionally and made into a small video but he won't watch that because I'm his g/f and a male photographer took the pics. I'm going mad and it ruining our relationship as we argue over this all the time. He doesn't see porn as a problem in our sex life I don't think I have a sex life thanks to porn. Help please!!

Could he be turning to porn because he feels extreme pressure from you to have sex? I know it sounds weird but extremely high expectations could be an issue for him.

The pictures, nice as it was for you to have them made, it actually reiterates my assumption about insecurity.

Now, another problem, why are you letting sex define your relationship? Porn may be one issue here but is clear to me that there are some other underlining issues that need to be worked out.

When you said you told him how you feel and he feels like your sex life is "ok", then you may not be on the same page. Did you express this to him?

He doesn't want to see the porn as a problem because he doesn't want to give it up. At this point he'd rather give up sex with you than the porn. That is a problem & a big one.

It is extremely doubtful this can be resolved without professional help or continuing to try talking to him / dealing with this on your own even if the problem is he feels "pressured". And these sex issues will just get worse as time goes on.

Lots of couples have conflicting work and/or sex preferences & still manage to have quite a nice passionate sex life together. He's choosing not to do that or work with you to have that happen. Without cooperation from both of you, he'll keep having tons of alone sex while you are on his sex diet getting the crumbs he throws out once in a while.

If he's masturbating to porn every day, he obviously wants to be satisfied daily but at this point prefers himself to having to have sex with a person. Until that changes, it won't matter if it's you there or someone else, he'll keep the best of his sexuality in his grubby paw.

Was this always an issue with you guys? Are there any other problems going on that may be contributing to this sexual laziness of his? It is more effort to please someone else along with yourself sexually but if you care about them, it is well worth the effort. He's not seeing that right now so of course you're feeling very frustrated & rejected!

First off, this is an adult board, and we do NOT use chat speak here. Teenagers use chat speak. Adults know when it's appropriate to "speak" like an adult.

Please use proper English.

To address your question--this sounds like one of the few times where I am going to agree that there is a porn "addiction". He needs help, and I doubt that there is much you can do, aside from cheating or leaving, that is going to wake him up enough for him to realize it.

I would, however, try talking to him about it, if I were you. Tell him he needs to choose between pornography and you, and MEAN it. If he can't stop, and he can't make pleasuring you a priority over pleasuring himself, then you need to leave.

Tell him to either give up porn and stay with you, or I would break up with him. This is not the kind of person you want to be spending your life with.

There are studies out and articles written about young guys and porn-masturbation addiction. You may want to Google this serious topic.

A porn addiction happens when a guy finds that *his object of desire* is porn, not a woman. This clearly is the case with your friend.

Time to end the relationship today if you want better for yourself out of life!!


Best wishes, :)

As someone said above talk it through with him,tell him you have needs too if the worse comes to the worse then give him an ultimatum.

I'll tell you smething that oughta cure that addiction.

Leave.

If he can't get the real thing he'll have to work for it.

Living together and porn is not much of a relationship plan. It's all too EASY. Change it up.

If you are having good sex and want to add some spice that's another story... but you are not there. So, decide how much you love him and time for some action.

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mikezapwnzor disagrees: Please refrain from degrading other members and just answer the question.

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Mike.. I wasn't degrading other members, I was stating the rules of this board. I am the moderator of Adult Sexuality, and consider stating the rules a fair way to point them out to people before I delete their posts.

Simple.

He is an idiot.

I know... not the answer you want.

So far, you are doing all the work, including trying to satiate his fetish... an act that he tossed aside.

You are stronger and smarter than this guy. I'm sorry you are in this spot, but you are with a boy, not a man... and he's just unlikely to ever make you his priority.

Talk to him... you need to find out why he is doing this. Is he upset with you for some reason for example. Even if it's a real or imaginated reason.

There might be a number of reasons he may be doing this. Many of them wrong. And for as many reasons. To him anyway.

I'm not saying you did anything wrong... you may well have done absolutely nothing wrong. It helps to understand HIS reason for this to find out what's really going on.

You know, I'm really glad to see this post. Not because I disreguard your problems, but it makes me feel better because I'm having the same problems! I'm 28 and my b/f and I sound excatly like the you! I feel like I'm not good enough for him and I just don't know what to do! It has been over 3 months since we have had sex together and I feel like I'm just not good enough. Its like, its not just a man thing, its something that is effecting the relationship itself. After almost a year and a half of GREAT sex and him pleasing me every time (that is at least 4 times a week) there is nothing. I'm almost to the point of just deleting the porn from his computer and telling him if I'm not getting any, he's not either!

I think the biggest difference between our situations, is that I HAVE talked to him and told him how it makes me feel inferior and not good enough but he continues to do it. I'm to the point I just don't know what to do either.

I hope your situation works out better than mine after you talk with him. Its very hard to say that you don't want to be with someone you love dearly because of something that seems almost meaningless to the other person. Good luck with your problem. If I get any insight, I will be sure to pass it along.