Ask Me Help Desk - Father's rights

Okay my boyfriend and his girlfriend at the time were in a rocky relationship... they broke up and slept with each other on and off. She was on birth control at that time during their relationship. They would see each other occasionally and he asked if she was still on the pill. Her response was yes, only to find out that she was pregnant days later and when confronted about it, said she got off the pill because it made her "sick". He bought the day after pill for her immediately to take because he didn't want to have any kids. She refused to take the morning after pill, (after being begged he was on his knees), because she said it made it her sick! He said that they couldn't have the child because at that time she wasn't stable enough to raise a child, she had a low paying job, a new car, and he had to finish college, a low paying job, and wasn't ready in the first place.
SHe agreeed also, to not have it. She then decided that she would have the baby, and one of her family members would take on the responsibility of that child. He still didn't want that because he couldn't handle the fact of being a father. IN a meeting with herself, him, and his parent's, she stated that she would not have anything to do with them anymore that HER family would be there for HER (her mother, and mother's side of the family). SHE told HIM that she wouldn't ever go back to him... SHE could do it, HER family could it. Well two (2) years later, who's at his parent's door step? Who's texting him awful messages? Who's blaming him for her depression?
I know it takes two in a situation like this... IF one person know's 2 years down the road that they are going to be in a bind (like NOW), if ONE person know's that the other wouldn't be able to do it as well... Is one being selfish? Come on! I read most of the other stories and well, why does the father get the end of it when he was the one thinking ahead, (maybe not at the time, but one shouldn't lie about being on BC). He WASN'T listed or acknowledged as the father at the time of birth, nor is he on the birth certificate. What does one do in a situation like this? I'd really like to know.

By your post, I am assuming that you are the new girlfriend to our friend Rex here. I can understand that you are probably upset at this whole situation. Not knowing too many details other than what you have disclosed as well, you come into this relationship being told about how he has this child he was tricked into having and you are only hearing his side of this story (as are we). I can't relate to this but I can understand how you must feel about this.

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He bought the day after pill for her immediately to take because he didn't want to have any kids. She refused to take the morning after pill, after being begged, (he was on his knees), because she said it made it her sick!

To go back to my last post here, abortion should NEVER be used as a form of birth control and that is just wrong of him to ask her (plead to her on bended knee even) to have one especially if she already said no. The morning after pill was originally intended for victims of incest or rape not just because you aren't ready to have a child.

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She then decided that she would have the baby, and one of her family members would take on the responsiblity of that child. He still didn't want that because he couldn't handle the fact of being a father.

Sorry to be blunt here but he should have thought about that before hand. He should not have left the decision of fatherhood up to his girlfriend at the time. And honestly, he should have, and still should if he hasn't already, man up to the responsibility of raising this child. To give this child the opportunity to know her father and know that she is loved and not wind up doing the same stupid thing her father and mother did (unprotected sex).

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IF one person know's 2 years down the road that they are going to be in a bind (like NOW), if ONE person know's that the other wouldn't be able to do it as well.... Is one being selfish? Come on! I read most of the other stories and well, why does the father get the end of it when he was the one thinking ahead, (maybe not at the time, but one shouldn't lie about being on BC).

It is not selfish to think ahead but that he DID NOT think ahead. If he had than the girlfriend would not have gotten pregnant. It is selfish for him to try and force her to do something she decided wasn't for her.

I am sorry that he is having to deal with this but honestly he brought it on himself (with some help from her). Now to answer the question that I am assuming you want answered What does one do in a situation like this? If he is not listed on the birth certificate and she is wanting to collect child support then she has to prove that he is the father. If he is not willing to fess up and say "She is mine" then the state will request a paternity test and go from there. I would suggest that he consult with a lawyer on what his rights are at this point in the game.

First its not a good idea to piggyback your question on someone else's. This can lead to confusion. You should start a new thread. So I've moved your question to its own thread.

You need to proof read your note better because there are some contradictory statements. Its not clear whether he is the legal father or not. If he is the legal father then it may be too late to change that even if a paternity test shows he's not. If he's not the legal father then a paternity test will need to be done first before he can be deemed to have any rights or responsibilities.

But I agree with Gina. He made the CHOICE to have sexual intercourse with her. Whether he thought she was protected or not, once he made that choice he assumed partial responsibility for the outcome of that action. If he's is proven to be the father, then he will have to take on that responsibility. This also gives him rights (visitation, etc.) should he coose to exercise them.

Well, since he is not on the because he isn't legally responsible, yet. When she goes to court the judge will order a DNA test he will then take it and if the results come back negative then he is free to go. If they come back positive that he is the father then he will be ordered to pay support and he can file for visitation if he wants. That is what one is to do in this situation.

Even if he doesn't want to be in this child life, once he's proven to be the father he will responsible for supporting that child financially.

The legal situation has been pretty much covered here. My only thought is that if you are having sex with this guy, I hope that you are making him use condoms. If he doesn't want to be a father, it's up to him to do his part. Also, if he isn't, then you are making yourself more vulnerable to sexually transmitted diseases.