Ask Me Help Desk - What should I do.

I have been seeing this woman from work for two months now. She is from another state and really wants to move back. She has been here for 10 months already. She has kids in school here and often brings up that she wants to move back. Our relationship is just beginning and I am of course a lot furthur into it that her. She says she doesn't know what's going to happen or what she is going to do. She doesn't know if she will move back in December or if she will move after the complete school year in may so her kids can stay in school in one place. She doesn't want to commit anything to me because of this. Like I said - I'm screwed cause my hearts already there. Everything is up in the air with her. I am also in the makes for moving next spring. I have been before we started seeing each other. This place isn't that great. I have mentioned that if she will wait until spring and see where our relationship goes - maybe I will move with her. I am not partial to where I end up moving - I just want out of here as bad as she does. Am I being stupid? Should I just get rid of her and save a possible heartbreak later. (I may have answered my own question - if I shut it down before its even given a chance to see where it will go I loose anyway) I am on the ropes about this.

You are way to emotionally attached, at this time. See it from her view, why pin a future on someone you just met, when kids and there needs come first. Dude, back up, and have fun, and just see what happens. You can do this, if your realistic, and not running so far down the road, and putting unfair and unrealistic expectations on her, yourself, or the relationship.

Get to know her better and let her get to know you better too. Maybe before fall she will want to get to know you better enough to stay until May. You hardly know her so hopefully you will at least have an idea and know her better and know what you want and what she wants by December.

You are a little too emotionally attached as Tal says, but I understand your reasoning. You should let her work this out on her own... I moved to another state with my girl, but that was after we had been together for 4 years. Just give it some time and let her come to you. If it's meant to be, it will be.

Quote:

Originally Posted by rayzor1234

i have been seeing this woman from work for two months now. she is from another state and really wants to move back. she has been here for 10 months already. she has kids in school here and often brings up that she wants to move back. our relationship is just beginning and i am of course alot furthur into it that her. she says she doesnt konw whats going to happen or what she is going to do. she doesnt konw if she will move back in december or if she will move after the complete school year in may so her kids can stay in school in one place. she doesnt want to commit anything to me because of this. like i said - i'm screwed cause my hearts already there. everything is up in the air with her. i am also in the makes for moving next spring. i have been before we started seeing eachother. this place isnt that great. i have mentioned that if she will wait til spring and see where our relationship goes - maybe i will move with her. i am not partial to where i end up moving - i just want out of here as bad as she does. am i being stupid? should i just get rid of her and save a possible heartbreak later. (i may have answered my own question - if i shut it down before its even given a chance to see where it will go i loose anyway) i am on the ropes about this.

Its not that I don't know her that well. We've worked together for 8 months and saw each other a lot and have gotten to know each other pretty decent as friends before we started "seeing" each other. But I do think everyone is absolutley right. A friend told me the same thing but I was unsure of his answer. He doesn't have a good track record with relationships and how to handle them. Thought it may be the blind leading the blind so to speak. In my defense - I can say I have never experienced a relationship like this having her not want to commit to/with me. But, yes , I did put to many expectaions on "us". I am going to try the backing off and I will try and curb my heart down a lot if that's even possible, and just play it by ear with her.
It helps to have as many thoughts as I can get on this. Thank you so much for your input. The more everyone here says it, the more its sinking in. I was very unsure and am becoming more so with each response. Thanks again. Keep them coming.

Yes back off some. You very likely could be scaring her off. Maybe go a day longer than usual without calling her. Like maybe do not call her on a Friday or Saturday and by Sunday maybe she will see she misses you somewhat.

Quote:

Originally Posted by rayzor1234

Its not that i dont know her that well. we've worked together for 8 months and saw eachother alot and have gotten to know eachother pretty decent as friends before we started "seeing" eachother. but i do think everyone is absolutley right. a friend told me the same thing but i was unsure of his answer. he doesnt have a good track record with relationships and how to handle them. thought it may be the blind leading the blind so to speak. in my defense - i can say i have never experienced a relationship like this having her not want to commit to/with me. but, yes , i did put to many expectaions on "us". i am going to try the backing off and i will try and curb my heart down alot if thats even possible, and just play it by ear with her.
it helps to have as many thoughts as i can get on this. thank you so much for your input. the more everyone here says it, the more its sinking in. i was very unsure and am becoming more so with each response. thanks again. keep em coming.

The key word there is UNSURE... in order to be certain you have to give it time! TIME is the answer... just chill and relax and c where you end up with her... You want to get out of there too, so either way you will be moving with her or without her... so just RELAX and don't sweat it! :)