16 year old son tearing family apart
I have 3 children, my eldest, a 16 year old boy is out of control and we don't know what to do anymore. The other two children are fine, but he has always had anger issues etc due mainly to his natural father's treatment of him. His father who is not allowed contact with the 3 kids was violent to me before I got out. My son was most affected as it started being directed at him just before I got out. He has been very difficult ever since this age and he was then 9. I have remarried a few years ago and my husband is a wonderful step father. The younger two (young teenagers) respect and love us with no issues. My husband has never tried to take the role of father and is the most un-violent person I know. My son has tonight self harmed himself, cutting up his arms because we have enforced consequences because he refuses to adhear to some simple family rules. We have listened to his need to be treated less like a child and have given him more freedom in exchange for doing the right thing ie: letting me know where he is, going to school, very simple set chores around the house etc It is fine for a while but then he will get moody and will refuse to do anything, starts swearing and backchatting, speaking rudely to us and we've just about had it. We called the police tonight and the ambulance has currently taken him to hospital for an assessment. Yet another assessment. He has been diagnosed with oppositional defiance disorder, definitely not ADD, has had assessment at brainwave centre also. He refuses to engage with a counseller/phsyc and have had to call the police over violent behaviour probably about 10 times since he was 10. In between these episodes he's lovely and conversational. I feel bad as it's now at the point I don't want him at home anymore because even when he's OK, we feel tense about his possible mood swings and what he can do. Last week he threw punches at my husband and we had to restrain him. Contact is not allowed by the courts with his natural father so that is not an option (I wouldn't want to anyway), my mother just over compensates for what he went through by giving him whatever he wants and gets furious with me for enforcing discipline (a whole other issue!), my father lives about 30 minutes away, he is in a small unit and has offered to take him but my son says Im kidding myself if I think he's going there. I feel he's too young to kick out, if he were older I swear I would he is that difficult. I am 5 months pregnant now and finding this very very difficult. He will stick to the rules for a week or so and then take off and be rude and nasty and then expect to come back (once he can't stay at his friends places for too long I assume?). I feel sad to say this be he is manipulative, nasty, selfish and angry. Very hard to know what to do. My husband is very supportive but has confided that he finds it hard to relax in his own home when Chris is around now. I am so confused and upset and feel I have no options. I hope this makes sense as I've written this straight after watching the police and ambulance take him to hospital, please help, any advise is welcome.