I got to know this guy who is ten years younger than me. We just clicked, chatted on the phone, text. I went to see him and spent 3 days with him. Not the daytime but evening. We slept together the last day I was there.
I came home only to find out that he didn't want a relationship because he has not long come out of one.
We text everday, he is always complimentary to me and is just really nice.
He calls me two or three times a day and will call me at weekends too.
This has been going on for nearly three months, I have tried to walk away several times, but he has said that he doesn't want me to. I don't think he has anyone else, but I don't know what to do for my own sake. He says he likes me loads, but everything he does and says is like we are in a relationship but without the relationship. And this hurts.

Do I wait for him as I don't want to end up in a rebound relationship or do I walk away.

The only way to find out his true colors, is to tell him that although you think of him as a friend, you want more of a relationship. You might say that although you will give him time to get over his last relationship, you will not stick around and be his booty call. (or however you want to put it) Then stick to that!

Let him know that you have enough respect for yourself, to be in a relationship, where there is mutual trust and respect, and until he is emotionally ready to do the same, you are going to have to walk away until he makes that decision.

If you keep on sleeping with him, and not establishing a real frienship and understanding, you will likely get hurt more in the long run anyway. Set down your rules and stick to them, and you will get more respect from all men period!

If it hurts then don't let his words lure you back into staying with him anymore. STOP STOP STOP! He's doing wrong and you shouldn't have to put up with all this he's dishing out for you

Time to do the hard work of stepping back and seeing how hard he is willing to chase... and by that, I don't mean texts or phone calls.

You need to cut these back, tell him you like him but are interested in being more than a convenience, and that also means you aren't his shoulder on call.

He could be a master manipulator. He could just be confused and unsure... been there myself. I had two "rebound" relationships after two different big loves lost... I didn't mean to hurt the girls, but I did. The reality was I needed to be by myself and as much as I liked the women, I wasn't ready.

In my case it wasn't malicious, but it also wasn't good for either of us.

If we assume this is best case scenario... that he's just unsure about what to do next... you know you cannot save him. If he hasn't mourned the last relationship and solved whatever went wrong, then he's just slogging along hoping it'll go away.

I've cared for, even loved, women I had to walk away from due to "bad timing" twice in my life.

You don't have to be mean. But I think you know this isn't enough, and therefore he doesn't get all the "perks" of dating while not dating. That includes all forms of your attention.

If you want to keep the door open, fine. Tell him when he's ready for a committed relationship he is invited to chase you down and see if you are still interested... no hard feelings.

What he does after that might tell you loads... and you really just want to know reality, right? Good or bad, you just want to know where you stand...

Time to politely back off and see what he has in him.

If you allow him to have what he wants, without him giving you what YOU want, then you have to demand more by actions. Stop having sex, and stop being available for his charms, by email, phone, or text.

Pulling back, and being honest with yourself, and showing you love yourself, will either gain his respect and make him pursue more, or he will lose interest, because your not giving him, what he wants.

Put your own wants, and needs above his. Accept nothing less.

He may very well be available for the physical aspect of the relationship, but he is clearly unavailable for anything else. He is helping himself to whatever you are willing to give. He told you his problem, that is he just got out of a relationship and isn't ready to get in another. Period. So don't make his problem your problem. STOP as stated above and allow him to realize what he wants. Obviously it's you; he's just fearful of "feeling something again" Good Luck

You need to make him see that you're not going to give into his needs without him accepting and giving into your needs. You matter the most in this situation... don't let him play you like this. If you want a relationship with him, talk to him and make sure he knows that without him fulfilling your needs, you're not going to fulfill his needs. Personally, it sounds like he's a player.

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Originally Posted by sweet619

I got to know this guy who is ten years younger than me. We just clicked, chatted on the phone, txt. I went to see him and spent 3 days with him. Not the daytime but evening. We slept together the last day i was there.
I came home only to find out that he didnt want a relationship because he has not long come out of one.
We text everday, he is always complimentary to me and is just really nice.
He calls me two or three times a day and will call me at weekends too.
This has been going on for nearly three months, i have tried to walk away several times, but he has said that he doesnt want me to. I dont think he has anyone else, but i dont know what to do for my own sake. He says he likes me loads, but everthing he does and says is like we are in a relationship but without the relationship. And this hurts.

Do i wait for him as i dont want to end up in a rebound relationship or do i walk away.

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You must distance yourself emotionally and do all the things that make you happy when you are single and are not looking for someone. I am not saying that he is playing a game but be careful because he is obviously damaged in someway from previous relationship.

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Originally Posted by gandhig

you must distance yourself emotionally and do all the things that make you happy when you are single and are not looking for someone. I am not saying that he is playing a game but be careful because he is obviously damaged in someway from previous relationship.

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Im kind of thinking he is playing games now though. He doesn't want me not to be in his life. But he has admitted that he doesn't fancy me, therefore why would he want a relatioship with me.
We have only slept together once. Distance is an issue. Thinking about it, that's probably a god send.

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Originally Posted by sweet619

Im kinda thinking he is playing games now though. He doesnt want me not to be in his life. But he has admitted that he doesnt fancy me, therefore why would he want a relatioship with me.
We have only slept together once. distance is an issue. Thinking about it, thats probably a god send.

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I think you've answered your own question. It really does sound like he's playing games with you. If he has already said he doesn't "fancy you", then I would get rid of him like yesterdays garbage, and look for someone that does want to be with you. Someone you can trust that will respect you, and wants to make you happy. Dump that jerk on his A$$, and don't let him waste anymore of your time. I wouldn't doubt if the last girl left him for the same reasons.

Thank you :)

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Originally Posted by sweet619

Thank you :)

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You're welcome, and better luck with the next guy. Life is too short to waste time with guys like that. You deserve better! :)

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Originally Posted by sweet619

Thank you :)

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I hope things work out well for you. It's hard when you care about someone in a way that they do not care about you... things will get better though...