I've been dating a guy for 3 months. I never experienced that 'honeymoon beginning' with him. He is not a passionate person whatsoever. He has no sex drive, as he is slightly depressed at the moment. I try to initiate sex everyday, and get shut down. He gets mad at me and says 'my ex girlfriends never complained about not ever having sex'. I cook for him, clean up after him, let him use my car, drive him places, do everything he wants to go do. Here is my issue: he doesn't appreciate anything I do. Never says thank you. Today is his birthday. I baked him a cake and cupcakes, got up very early to decorate the apartment, bought him a satellite radio (with a PAID subscription), I bought him an engraved money clip and I am taking him out to dinner at a fancy restaurant. He hasn't said thank you once today. He has spent the entire on the computer, talking on msn. He's 24 years old! I let him move into my apartment a few days ago, because his old roommate moved out with his girlfriend, and he doesn't know many people in this city.

2nd issue: Last night I went on his computer to check my bank account, to make sure that I had enough money for the fancy dinner, and he had a porn site open. No biggie, everyone watches porn, including myself. But, it was SHEMALE porn. A shemale having intercourse with a shemale. There was no other history on there, except for that. I confronted him for it, he got very upset and said it's normal to watch these things because it's funny, and then told me I'm exaggerating.

WHAT DO I DO?

After only 3 months of dating, I think your're moving too fast. I think what you did for him on his birthay was sweet and you can tell it was from the heart but it might have been too much. Maybe he doesn't know how to express hisself and I think your doing too much for him. Have he ever cooked you a meal or clean the house? Does he even work? You stated he is depressed why?

About the porn, in the past I came across she-male porn and tried to watch it but couldn't. I believe I watched it less than a minute, it gross me out. You stated he didn't have a history of it, so maybe it was a one time thing, hopefully.

I think your need to communicate more or at least him. Most likely this is the way he's going be throughout your relationship unless he change. Start letting him do things for himself otherwise you'll turn into his mother. I hope he's going 50/50 with the bills.

He sounds like a loser type of guy that will not amount too much, and he is obviously bi-curious. Lifes to short and I think you should get rid of him and date around somemore, try to find someone that is compatible with you,and someone that makes you feel important and wanted/needed in day to day life. Don't be stuck in an unhappy situation for the rest of your life. It is what you make it so make the best out of it. Good luck and stay strong :)

Sounds like he is looking for a mom maid. He isn't interested in a girlfriend, he only wants you for somebody to take care of him. I wouldn't even bring up the porn stuff. You have enough reason to dump him without even going there.
Find somebody that can appreciate you not use you.

Sounds like you got the short end of the stick... seriously get rid of him, you deserve appreciation back

You say you've been dating 3 months & never got the honeymoon phase, so what caused you to be attracted to this guy to begin with, much less let him move in so quick? He doesn't even sound like a good roomie!

So I see 2 issues here. One, what to do with him now that you've got him under your roof & two, how to get to a place where you don't keep getting yourself entangled the way you have with someone you've moved in after barely dating that's not the best partner for you.

If your relationship with him is this bad already & he doesn't see it as a problem, that is a big one for you. Most likely, you'll end up having to get rid of him which is not going to be as easy as it was getting him to move in.

Second, what are you going to do in order to start making better relationship choices? You had so many red flags before he got moved in that you ignored & now on top of all the other stuff you have him not just looking at porn while depriving you of a sexual relationship but he's happy looking at shemales?

Give him a deadline to move & if you even want to continue to see if you want to make this work (altho from what you've written so far, I have no clue why you'd want to), take it from there to see if he can become good boyfriend material because he sure isn't now & the odds are he won't be any time soon.

If you don't find some good help (professional or books) to get yourself in a place where guys like this aren't attractive to you, even if you break up with this one you'll end up with a slightly different version of the same thing which won't be any way to have a good healthy loving relationship. It sounds like you have a good heart but you want to have a man not a little boy with such serious issues to deal with. His depression may not be his fault but how he deals with it is his responsibility, so he needs to get that addressed with therapy & meds before you would remotely have a chance to make this work. But again, I'm puzzled as to why you would think its worth giving up so much of your life to someone who wants to give so little in return. I don't think depression causes an attraction to shemale porn so even if he gets the right meds, that may just be the tip of the iceburg of his problems.

If I were your best friend, I would hold you by the shoulders and SHAKE SHAKE SHAKE until you snapped awake. You are sleepwalking, honey, and you have it bad.

Not only is this guy you "liked and dated" turned out to be NOT worth any of your time, but you're parenting him now and housing him. Please don't be offended, but you're acting NUTS!! (shake-shake-shake-shake)

I'm not there in the room with you or I could tell you better HOW to do the next thing, but here it is: Pack his stuff and get him out of your house, do it now, do it now, do it now, do it now, do it now.

Do it now.

If you want to keep dating him (?? ), I suppose you can, but if I was in the room with you I would be shaking you nonstop the whole time. I'm just saying. If you date him, make him work for it, date him from a distance.

FINAL SPEECH (I promise): The reason you date is to find out if a guy you already like is worth staying around with long-term. That's it. You're not looking for the things you need to fix or he needs to change. Neither thing is going to happen.

Simple question: If this guy never changed, ever, from who is today, would you be happy with that for the next 50 years? Simple question, pay attention to your answer.

My guess is "no". Get him gone today, do it now, do it now.

Do it now.

Ohh get out of their quick!
He's obviously confused and curiouse... it doesn't sound like you are enjoying the relationship much anyway!
In my opinon this is one of those things you will look back on in a few years and laugh about!

Xoxox

I think you should leave him.. but first start treating him the way he treats so that he feels bad.. trust me that would make you feel good. He is not worth it.. you seem to be a very nice person to do so much for him. I have seen guys like him in real and they never change permanently. If you confront him of his actions and you start treating him the way he does you (yea he would feel bad), he would only change for a wile BUT go back to his old self after trying to make you feel guilty by playing on your conscience. I've seen it and I also have a gay cousin(not ashamed) he says he's got friends who are gay and only use girls to get stuff from them, always refuse to have sex because they are really interested in guys. Think about it but this relationship isn't healthy. QUIT IT!

I sincerely hope that lostnfound, the op, has moved on from this issue since she posted it in 2008.

I have to disagree with the advice given by Suzie23 to treat the boyfriend 'badly' before leaving him as a way to 'teach him a lesson'. It is not the op's place to 'punish' her boyfriend. If he keeps losing girlfriends and living arrangements, he will eventually learn to change his habits.

Treating someone badly even if they do it first is not a good way for a person to help themselves feel better. Actually it can backfire and make the person feel worse because they betrayed their own code of behavior.

Do not allow someone to cause you to hurt yourself.

I will caution those in the op's shoes who read this this thread to not make the same mistake of putting so much into such a new relationship. Three months is not long enough to really know a person and their bad habits. If you see warning signs, pay attention to them instead of hoping that things will get better without a lot of work by both parties.