I've gotten myself into a box and hope someone has a good suggestion for a solution. I recently spoke to my HR director to inquire about short-term disability coverage and also whether tuition would have to be repaid should I leave the company. Apparently she told my boss, and the COO because I have had unusual comments from both of them recently. My immediate boss has also told coworkers he knows I am unhappy. Now, on one hand, that might be good because his behavior has made me unhappy since he has treated me poorly in front of certain coworkers, but is fine at other times. So perhaps he will realize I don't appreciate his behavior. On the other hand, the last person HR told him was unhappy got fired at their next review. How can I ameliorate this situation? I want to be assertive about my boundaries for his behavior, but he seems to be someone who twists that into being "negative." Any suggestions?

First, learn from your mistake which is thinking that Human Resources are there for your benefit. They intentionally present these departments as there as a resource for you, but actually, you are the resource and if they suspect that you aren't a good investment for any reason they are duty bound to share that with whatever managers are involved. Their primary role is to legally protect the company, and to get people there and keep them there if they are benefiting the company more than they are costing the company. If you are not profitable, you are expendable.

Your questions gave the impression that first, you plan to claim disability - which is costly to the company and a huge inconvenience for them. When you are on disability you are not working, so are not of use to them - but you are receiving a portion of your pay, which is costly to them. And second, you gave the impression that you want to use another costly perk - tuition reimbursement, which is offered to make you more useful to them - but for the purpose of taking your new skills elsewhere. So, you painted a picture that you are there to get all you can out of the company and then to leave. Also, you have an attitude of disliking your boss and place of work, so they are probably on to that. Some of us can fake it for a period, but typically this is evident after a while.

The best way to mitigate the damages is to simply go to your manager and tell him or her (and this might be a lie but hey, if it works, it's not really their business anyway!), "you know, I had some questions that I asked of the HR department, and I'm affraid I may have given the wrong impression. I am working with a financial advisor to look at what types of insurance and other emergency safety nets I might need to put in place, and he had some questions I couldn't answer such as whether I would potentially have to repay tuition reimbursement if I no longer had a job here, and also what protections I have in place for a disability. At any rate, I wanted to let you know that these were theoretical questions, and should not be taken any other way."

In the future, rely on the employee manual for these things. They usually spell out these things. Or, when taking advantage of a benefit, ask at that time. Such as if you are signing up for a class, ask "I was interested in learning more about the tuition reimbursement plan and how that works - what is available, and what are my responsibilities?" If they don't say it has to be repaid, assume you don't have to repay it. As for the disability coverage, that is asked when there's a meeting called about disability, or when you are hired, or when you are anticipating -with your employer's knowledge - needing to use the benefits - such as if you are planning major surgery. Then you can ask, "given my upcoming bypass procedure, would you mind please walking me through what type of disability benefits are available to help me out until I return to work? I expect to be out for 8 weeks, and I have three weeks of sick and vacation time I can use."

I have learned that most problems in the workplace in terms of employee satisfaction are never resolved to the employee's benefit - if you have a problem, you are a problem. I think this is entirely wrong and unfair but I've learned it's just how it works. So, don't let them know you are dissatisfied until the day you resign to go to another job - which you already have lined up. Then, be pleasant and grateful even if you think they are total jerks- you will need a good reference, or at least a neutral one.