I am lost. I lost myself about 3 years ago and have never been able to find that person I left behind. I did a lot of bad things to some of my family and friends, which caused me to almost lose my entire immediate family. I am going through a bad break up, we would have been together for 5 years on Sept. 12th and I don't know how to deal with that either. I am constantly angry. I hurt the absolute love of my life so much that I can't even get her to talk to me hardly even though we still live in the same house.

I tried removing myself from the situation, but that didn't help any at all. I had to come back because I had no other choice. I can't seem to forgive myself for anything that I do wrong. I can't hardly sleep anymore, I haven't eaten in almost 2 days now, and I constantly have this feeling of guilt over me.

I want my relationship to work so bad that I am driving this woman that I love with every square inch of my heart and soul away from me. She told me tonight that if I had just kept my word before and had not gotten mad at her, things would still be like they were months ago. We were engaged, she without a doubt loved me, and I love her too. We were planning our wedding, doing registries, and planning our site to tie the knot. Some of my friends say that I am being too hard on myself and blaming myself for everything that is wrong in my life, but who else is there to blame?

I lied to this girl. It was always the smallest things too. I never wanted her to be disappointed in me. I hold her high on a pedestal for the whole world to see, because I am so proud that she had picked me.

How do I redeem myself with her and my family? How do I find the forgiveness that I so desperately seek? How do I rebuild all the trust and respect I have lost?

Hi,

I've been there and gone through that very same thing. Ever since I was a teenager I have hurt everyone who ever loved me. The only thing that helped me get over the guilt and shame was becoming a Christian.

The turning point in my life is when I had an affair while I was engaged to my fiancée. He found out and said that he loved me and still wanted to get married. That was the first time I had ever felt Jesus' love for me. That is when I became a Christian and turned my life around.

Life was never easy after that. We got married a week later, and I received insult after insult. He threw that same thing up in my face hundreds of times a day for years. I had to just take it and have faith that God was in control of my situation. He had tried to committ suicide and he basically lost his mind, but I stood by him through it all.

All I can say is the only way to get through situations like that is to hold onto God's unchanging hand. It gives you a peace that surpasses all understanding. I know that God already knows what is going to happen to me tomorrow, so I don't have to worry about it. I know that He loves me and only wants to prosper me, not to harm me.

It's not that easy for me. I grew up in a church and so on... but growing up and being an adult, I have seen way to many times when people start relying on faith just to be let down. I can't live with the "relying on faith for the sake of it" type thing. Don't get me wrong, I believe in God and everything, but I just can't do that.