My daughter is 18 and half. She is a great student graduated from high school. She is living at home and going to college. She thinks she does not have to answer to us because she is an adult. She had a attitude and you can't get a word in with her. One thing leads to another and the next thing you know we are at each others throats saying things you don't mean. My husband and I bought her car she drives we also pay for all car insurance and cell phone bill as well as food in house and a roof over her head. I feel she could show us some respect and not always going off. I asked for the car keys from her and told her she could not drive the car until she apoligizes to me and has a better attitude. She says this is wrong threatening her with the car and that we will regret it because she will not talk to us or have any realation with us anymore. This was tonights response. She also says she is not of our business anymore because she is an adult. Am I wrong for taking the car I don't know. I feel what leverage do I have if she can't respect us. Please help with any inputs.
Thank you,

Tell her that you bought the car with the good faith that she would follow your rules. Tell her that since she is so adult
She can start paying for her own insurance and her own cell phone
OR follow the rules. Her choice and if she doesn't follow the rules you warned her so then you do not pay them when they are due.
She wants to be an adult she can have the responsibility simple as that.

Respect. In order to stay there, you must demand it. Tell her when she decides that she wants to give it, she can have the car and the food and the bed. You are too good to her, if she lives in your house, there has to be boundaries set. I would take it all and give it back slowly as she starts to understand you are serious about the attitude. Good luck!

[QUOTE=startover22]Respect. In order to stay there, you must demand it. Tell her when she decides that she wants to give it, she can have the car and the food and the bed. You are too good to her, if she lives in your house, there has to be boundaries set. I would take it all and give it back slowly as she starts to understand you are serious about the attitude. Good luck![/QUOTE



What about her saying she won't have a realationship with us. Is it wrong to take the car away because she is 18 and in college. To me it stinks when your kids think they can talk nasty to you.

Nonnie. I can bet if you demand respect, she will think things through. She will know how good she has it. She will talk to you. She may be mad and go for a bit, but you make it so much easier for her to live right now. I think you were right to take the keys. I think you would be right to take more till she acts like she wants to be treated. She won't "not talk" to you forever... she knows you have what she needs to make it. At least that is how I see it.

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Originally Posted by startover22

nonnie. I can bet if you demand respect, she will think things through. She will know how good she has it. She will talk to you. She may be mad and go for a bit, but you make it so much easier for her to live right now. I think you were right to take the keys. I think you would be right to take more till she acts like she wants to be treated. She won't "not talk" to you forever......she knows you have what she needs to make it. At least that is how I see it.

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I know what you say is how I feel, for some reason when its your kids you second guess yourself.
Thank you for your answers. I think I just wanted to know if taking things you give to them is wrong. She of course seems to think so.

She is telling you this because she knows you have leverage and she knows you love her and would never want her to "not talk to you". You stand your ground, you will see a good girl, hopefully;)

I would say that taking things from her can work because when she sees she can not afford these things on her own who is she going to turn to?

No, nonnie, you are not wrong! She is being a butt.

Being a tough mom is painful at times. This is one of those times and she may learn more from you than you might imagine from this. Stick to your guns, demand that she show respect and understanding that you have given her the car, the insurance and the phone by choice. You also have the choice of taking them away. Do not let her manipulate you. Then she will learn not to let others manipulate her.

I was talking with a male friend tonight. He said it took two nights of his 18 y/o son living in an underpass before the kid realized how good he had it at home. The son didn't appreciate anything and tried to make the rules, so the dad stepped in to tell him if he didn't appreciate what he had at home, he could leave. And he did--for a couple of weeks during which time his friends' parents got tired of him mooching at their homes, so he ended up on the street. Now he's 22, finished with college, and has a good job. That's called tough love.

Yep sometimes tough love is what it takes to make your teens wake up.

Well as I see it-- adults pay their own way they do not rely on others to pay for rent cars bills food etc etc. SO then she needs to be paying all of lifes expenses by herself.And you should let her know that it doesn't matter were she lives there are rules to follow-- and welcome to adulthood maybe she should leave home while she still knows it all.LOL

... so you let her stay, rent free...

Feed her...

Pay for her car and insurance...

Her cell phone...

... and she thinks she has a say in her own life?

In my family, chances are, she'd be buried in the backyard.

... seriously.

Write out her budget, how much her cell phone bill is, car payment, car insurance, food, allowance (if applicable), tuition. Post the bill on her door. Tell her she has the choice of paying these things per month or respecting the people that do. No IF ANDS or BUTS about it.

Tough love is just that it is very tough to follow through with. If your daughter believes she is an adult then I think you should give her the chance to be one. She needs to pay for everything she has or lose it. I know it is hard and you and Dad will cry, but you can't go on like this, What do you think life will be like in 1 year? In 2 years?
I think kids will sometimes push as hard as they can because they know we love them.
I don't think this happened overnight at 18 years old, but has been happened for a while. You must address this now, as it will only get worse. I know this will hurt you but stay strong.. Good Luck and I will be praying for you.

Your daughter needs a job, if she don't already have one. I went to college, worked, all with a child. She needs to see what the adult life is really all about and the meaning of having things that you need whether then her wants. Even though she lives at home, she can still pay rent. I had to do it. If she wants a car she needs to help with payments/insurance. If you can't afford a cellphone, then you don't need it. She can't live under your roof and give you hell. I guess she forgot who the parents were and she's smelling herself. I am 28 and if I ever step out of line with my mom, she'd put me back in line.

Liz, I couldn't fit all I wanted to say in the "rate this answer so here goes... very good advice..
I did the same thing and made it so we know it can be done.


Mom and Dad I pray you both have the fortitude to follow through. It will probably be the hardest thing you have ever done, but will also probably be the best thing you ever did for there daughter.
She will learn this lesson at some point, but it will be far better for her to learn it before she really gets hurt from people who don't love her.
Just remember you are doing this because you love her. If you didn't care, none of this would bother you.
I think everyone here is telling you the same thing.

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Originally Posted by ChihuahuaMomma

Write out her budget, how much her cell phone bill is, car payment, car insurance, food, allowance (if applicable), tuition. Post the bill on her door. Tell her she has the choice of paying these things per month or respecting the people that do. No IF ANDS or BUTS about it.

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I agree with this... no if and or buts! I also would like to make a point that she won't be perfect, she will slip up and so will you. Nonnie, if you do decide to get tough, keep an open heart and remember change is hard. I am hoping you see a bunch of effort and respect!
This will be a great lesson learned before she gets out in the real world and has to do this out of your house. Good luck!;)

I don't think that its wrong taking the car off her! If she says she's an adult then she needs to start acting like one and start to show respect towards you and your husband.maybe you shouldn't help her out as much with the insurance,cell bill etc.. maybe its time to show some tough love.
Good luck with it all