I have been dating with my boyfriend for 2years.we will getting into engagement in this end of the year,to be short, I only had sexual intercourse with him for 2times,because every time I done it,I feel very guilty,I am a christian. So every time he ask for it,I will tell him that we should only do it after married. But recently I found that he watching porns video and picture on the internet,this makes me feel very angry. But when I ask him whether he watch it or not, he answer me very detail and specific, he told me that he only watch 'those things' for 2TIMES on 19YEARS OLD. By the way,he is older than me 12years,I'm only 22. I am a very conservative girl,and he is also my first love. I don't know what should I do, or maybe I am just too conservative. This is normal or I am just think too much?

Normal? There is no normal. There will be Christian men who have never looked at porn, there will be others that look at it from time to time with little issues. There are others who are addicted to it and it can often effect their sexual performance and their opinion of women and sex.

Ask him to stop if it bothers you.

Totally normal. Try watching too.

How did you find out he was watching porn?

Many men watch porn if not having sex-and since you are not having it - he may watch. It does not mean he prefers it. Nor does it mean he even thinks about it... but it may entertain him when alone. If you have moral issues talk about it... but it is not that unusual.

Sounds like he feels he needs sex without you making him feel guilty as much as you yourself do-how about just making a deal with him, have (NON_GUILTY) sex with him instead of him watching porn. just because you are christian should not mean you have to feel guilty EVERY time you feel like sex with each other! Holy mackerel!

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Originally Posted by bettysoo

i have been dating with my boyfriend for 2years.we will getting into engagement in this end of the year,to be short, i only had sexual intercourse with him for 2times,because everytime i done it,i feel very guilty,i am a christian. so everytime he ask for it,i will tell him that we should only do it after married. but recently i found that he watching porns video and picture on the internet,this makes me feel very angry. but when i ask him whether he watch it or not, he answer me very detail and specific, he told me that he only watch 'those things' for 2TIMES on 19YEARS OLD. by the way,he is older than me 12years,im only 22. i am a very conservative girl,and he is also my first love. i dunno what should i do, or maybe i am just too conservative. this is normal or i am just think too much?

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If I were you I wouldn't worry about it - it is normal - but if you worry too much he will think that you are trying to be his mom then he will push away!! BEST OF LUCK!!

Watching porn is totally normal! How often they watch it varies with every guy. I know some that never watch it and others that watch it daily. It doesn't mean there is anything wrong. My boyfriend is always in the mood, and while we have a healthy sex life, we don't have sex every day. He still watches porn but doesn't necessarily get off to it.
And don't feel guilty after having sex! I grew up in catholic schools so planned to wait until marriage. It felt wrong at first but if you are being safe, you shouldn't worry. And especially so close to engagement!

It is normal. He has urges and needs to take care of them. Hey at least he is not cheating on you. Good luck with waiting until you are married it is not an easy thing to do. And even though you slipped up a few times don't feel guilty about it.

This is very normal for the male gender. Testosterone is an amazing hormone and most men have an abundance of it! It is one of the reasons men more than women can become very aggressive sexually. It is also why you hear most women say they "can take or leave sex", but men can't seem to go without, ever! Sex is more stimulating mentally for women and physically for men, I believe. Men will almost always achieve orgasm, and most women... well, not so often.

My Ex was a "sex addict", and this put a great hardship on our relationship eventually. Although "dressing up" and "acting out" was fun for awhile, pretty soon I think he forgot who I was without the makeup, negligée and red nails. Personally, I think it is important to be creative and open-minded when it comes to all aspects of a relationship. As long as there is no pain or humility involved. It is also important to respect and learn about one anothers likes and dislikes... Communication is the number one factor here. Hopefully he is willing to listen to your concerns and fears as readily as you are willing to listen to his desires and needs. Don't feel replaced by porn for the most part. It generally acts as mild fantasy fullfillment. Who knows... you might like it!

You know, it's funny but there may be a double standard.

For men it's normal. For women, not as expected.

So, when one of my exes loved porn and I found it mildly disconcerting... but hot nonetheless.

So, we all have adjustments, but I would not consider him that weird. It's more about the bigger issue now: how you all interact and share your lives and passions.

My wife loves to watch it with me... and doesn't care if I watch it alone. I don't chat up women online and don't care to.

Betty,

Is this guy the best you can do?

If so, then you have to have a talk with yourself on how you will deal with his recreational habits after you are married. Are you sure this guy is going to marry you? He is 12 years older than you are and obviously much more world wise and wise at getting what he wants. :) He is already giving you implausable excuses! Is this engagement in 6 months really going to happen?

Since the age of personal computers, there has been a huge boom in pornography, internet pornography... all easily delivered into a man's private room 24/7. For young men viewing porn, this has been harmful to many of the guy's sexuality according to recent studies on porn and masturbation addiction.

I think you should be on the lookout for other guys closer in age to you... nice guys you can have fun with.

Don't put all your eggs in one basket as the adage goes. You need more experience with men at this time. :)

Very best wishes,

The other issue besides is porn normal might be, is this relationship normal?

I noticed that perhaps that betty was perhaps not only young but (dare I say... ) english is not her first language... how did you meet? Is he American? Is this an equal partnership?

You,correct. English is not my 1st language. He is japanese,but I'm not japanese. But I dun think we have communication or the age problems so far. He loves me and take care of me and my family, not only him but his family too... he is a good man. Perhaps that I don't know anything or not expose to this issue before, so I don't know what is the normal or abnormal.

I would not worry, he loves you and I see no indications of any trouble by what little porn he watches.

Lots of people do, it's down to personal choice.

It's not unusual for some men to watch porn, but not all men do whether they are having sex alone.

He doesn't need porn to masturbate, he wants to use it that way (unless he has a serious issue with it & you have no way to tell at this point).

He knows you are a conservative Christian woman but he is much less conservative than you are. Now is the time to sort out the issues that could create a lot of problems later on. Obviously if you are married, then you will be having sex with him but if his having porn in your home is a problem for you (which it is for many women) then it's better to talk that out sooner rather than later. And unfortunately, that is something many men lie about, & just hide it from their wives.

Porn does cause a lot of problems in many relationships, you are right to be concerned.

I am a Catholic and I am quite comfortable when I say I am proud of being one, although I am a smoker, a regular drinker, and tattooed on my arms. I listen to a lot of music which include anti-christ genres and I am a porn addict. So who are these people, the community and the other priests who branded me an outcast and an infidel... do they not see that I am charitable, I am kind, I help people whenever I can, and I am faithful to my wife and children, and to God...

Here's a significant incident that you might relate to... Father Dr. J (won't mention his name) baptised me when I was 12 years of age... I was taking communion and from what I had learned, we must go through confession before communion. I stopped taking communion when I was 14 because I never confessed. So one day, Father visited me at my own home... and he asked if anything was troubling me. So I asked him if it was normal for boys/men to masturbate and watch porn. Father smiled and replied, as a doctor and a priest, it is very normal. To deny it is to deny humanity. Then he became all scientific and explained why males have more tendencies to 'release their load'. The males' testicles produce sperm constantly, and when the 'sack' becomes full, it must be released somehow. Most females don't feel a need to release because their release go hand to hand with their monthly period cycle. The very next Sunday, I confessed without feeling embarrassed nor guilty and I have only Father Dr J to thank.

And the answer to your question is simple. Yes you are thinking too much and yes it is normal, both, for you to feel this way and also for him to watch porn. I would advise not to be angry and hard on him because you should be thankful, that your caught your boyfriend watching porn... not cheating on you with some other tramp. Maybe you might want to try watch some with him. And maybe it is something the both of you can do together if you guys are not 'ready' to have sex?

And SEX is a HOLY thing (that is if you only are sleeping with the one you love in the on-going relationship). It is a celebration of love for one another... which is why we call it 'making love'

Good luck there

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