My girlfriend who is in her 30's asked me a few weeks ago about how I would feel if she kissed a girl. At first I was like, well I guess if I get to watch, jokingly. Usual guy response. But seriously, I said well what if I kissed a guy, would you like that? She said no. I have absolutely no desire at all, drunk or sober to kiss another guy regardless of what he looks like. I love my girlfriend very much and she is very sexy to me, she is very outgoing and not the "princess" type. She tells me that she is in love with me all the time.

The other day I asked her again about it while we were completely sober. She said that if a girl was really hot, she wouldn't mind kissing another girl. It's been really bugging me lately and wondering if all of a sudden there is this need for experimentation and would rather know now than later. If a girl kisses a girl and likes it, what then? Wanting to experiment sexually? Is that cheating? What if I kissed a girl? What is the difference? I'm a little confused by this and wondering if other people have seen this before.

Not sure if I should just let this go or try to talk about it some more without getting her defensive about it.

I am a little confused your comment about bisexuality. We are not all put into straight or gay "buckets". Just because YOU don't understand the concept of differing levels within our sexuality does not make it wrong or even make it something that YOU have to understand-we are different-get over it.

At the same time, you like some of her "tomboy" qualities, what are you saying-you seem to be contradicting yourself about aspects of sexuality that are not all black and white.? Maybe I need clarification, perhaps I'm off the beam with what you are asking?

Now, to your question.

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wondering if all of a sudden there is this need for experimentation and of course I want to know now before moving any further with my life with her. I guess I don't really believe this whole bi thing anymore, either your straight or gay. If a girl kisses a girl and likes it, what then? Wanting to experiment sexually? I'm a little confused by this and wondering if other people have seen this before.

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Well yes, there is experimentation, yes there is bisexuality, SOME girls try it because of curiosity, some girls do it to "understand" (if they feel they are lesbian-to "prove" it , or disprove it), your girl may be bisexual (if the tomboy thing is latent bisexuality), how does that make you feel-if you are worried-ask her about what will happen if she discovers she is bi? Where does it put you? Would she leave you for a girl? Or is it just an aspect of her sexuality?

Its really hard to say... you need to discuss it with her to your satisfaction.

I get the feeling she is bisexual-but you don't "buy" it, so now what will you do?

Now you disagree, yet you see my point and agree with what I wrote??

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I think everyone has a degree of some feminine or masculinity and I guess exploring the other side is a choice.

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I think that you may need to not get so defensive about it and discuss it with her.. hell you may discover an aspect of your sexuality that you have not explored... Now that might shock you!

I understand you concern being more one of her being faithful to you. Once you agree to be monogamous, that means no one else, period.

You need to talk to her to find out if she's just expressing curiosity or is serious about wanting to do that if the opportunity presented itself. I'd ask if it has already & that's why she's talking about it now. It could be she has done that in the past (before your relationship) & is trying to find out if it would bother you to know she'd done that.

Has she ever mentioned anything about this before or is it a new topic?

Oh for heaven's sake.

Every girl "knows" that "every" guy's hottest fantasy is to watch her and her best friend make out/have sex/ask him to join.

She was probably feeling you out a bit to see how you felt about it, but ALSO probably not serious about pursuing it.

If you can't talk about this, when there is NO sexual activity going on--well, what the heck ELSE can't you talk about? Shouldn't you be able to talk about anything with a person you want to be with intimately?

I suggest a calm discussion, stating how YOU feel about it, and then asking her what SHE feels about it.

Ell,

This kind of conversation sounds like teenager game playing combined with liquor, not the conversation of people in their 30's... Your girlfriend is very immature for her age... using alcohol stunts an individual from growing up. I think this is the real problem with her trying to manipulate your emotions.

Try talking honestly face to face and sober... see what you think.

Best wishes in the future, :)

When a woman offers this up it is the ultimate double-edge sword.

We are turned on, but also feel powerless if there is someone else who can make our partner "hot".. my guess is that she is curious and is using you as a sounding board.

Best advice: be honest. If it's 'hot', but you don't think you can handle it - don't fake it. Some guys play along BUT feel a lot of anxiety about being "cool with it"...

A woman can kiss another - and perhaps more - and not be too worked up about it. But you may be scratching your head for a while...

So, just be honest. She will not think any less of you... as long as you don't freak out and assume she's bisexual or getting ready to leave you :-)

I guess I wasn't that clear... no getting drunk before having sex.

Good Luck,

I'll second that, alcohol and sex are very poor companions. People do stupid things when drunk that they pay for the rest of their lives. Which can be dramatically shortened due a drunken act of stupidity. Think AIDS.

And people with AIDS do not have a "look" they can be the person right next to you on the bus.

Re: "I still feeling bothered about it despite talking about it. Never been down this road before."

Well, leave it be then.

How long have you been dating? In a few years you may not mind the zing of a fantasy once you've settled in... or maybe not... only do what you are comfortable saying or doing.