Ok, I have an 11 yr old son who has learning disabilities. Though his father and I share custodial custody 50/50 and his dad is suppose to have 50/50 physical custody, over the past 11 years the time he has spent with his dad averages to 1% a year.
His dad lives nearby, but married, has a 7 yr old son now too, always is working or has overtime, court hearings, guard duty, new spouse issues. The list is endless so our son just never got to bond with dad (which is my falut for leaving him and his abuse)
Anyhow, I have always been the one to call the dad and ask when he can see the boy as it has to work at this kids hertstrings that dad does not seem to care. He told me when he gets his cell phone, the ringtome for his dad will be "Cats in the Cradle".
The kid never wants to go over there though, and between the abuse that goes on in htat house, and other issues, I always gave in and his dad would say he was not going to force him to come see him.
Now though, the kid is getting old and needs his dad and a father figure. He is well-mannered and a good kid, for the most part. But he is bipolar too and can turn on a dime. I know he is a bit spoiled, it is hard to be a mom and a dad, especailly since I am legally disabled and spent two years bedridden. His dad was overseas in the sandbox most of that time so the kid could not go over even if he want to.
Point: now has come time where I want him to go live with his father but he refuses. I got him to go visit with his dad for a day and a half and as soon as his dad was out of eye and ear distance, he screamed at me for making him go over there and said he might as well kill himself if he has to go over there again next weekend. I told him to stop it and that he needs to spend time with his dad, put all he did was sit and sulk all the way home, muttering under his breath.
I am at my wits end; I need to start chemo once my medicare finally is effective as I have needed it for a year but had to wait. Iw as hoping now that he is older he would realize he needs his dad and I am not telling him I am sick. His dad tried to talk to him about it and he started crying saying he wants to stay with me (but yet he is mean to me all day long) So his dad refuses to insist the kid move in with him or comes visits him; says I have to be the bad guy in this.
I am at a loss of what to do. How can I convince this kid that going over to his dads is something he needs to do. He is never mean to his dad when he goes over there, wrestles his little brother on occasion when the kid gets to him, and even though does not like stepmom because she spoils his little bro too much, but other than that is a good kid. He says it is boring there, yet his dad says he goes outside and plays with the neighborhood kids and stuff when there and he has no kids in the area to play with here at all.
Any suggestions would help.
