We have been together for a very long time. I asked her to marry me and she said she was confused at first. Then later she said she does not feel that thing you should feel when you want to marry someone. We live (own) together and every time I ask her to leave she says that she still loves me, but is trying to figure things out. At first she said it was issue in the relationship that she was not sure if I was the one. Later it was "lose the wieght and give me my ideal body". As we wait to sell our place she still tells me she is confused. I finally found out that she has been speaking to her ex of 9 years ago and has feeling for him. She says she does not know who to pick, but is sure she does not want to marry me. After further talks she says that maybe she needs to explore her feelings with the boyfriend who cheated on her to see if I am the one. That once we break up she may need to go out with him. How can this be? I know once we break up, it will take me a while to date or even remmber how to. Was I her rebound this whole time? Does she really love me and needs to see that on her own. Please help. This is very confusing and not sure how to move one and be single if I have to be.:confused:

I am in the same place with my relationship as well. I have been with my girl for six years and she's crazy about me, but at the same time she says that she loves her ex as well. He is married and has 2 kids. I made the choice a week ago to move out and go my own way for a while. I haven't called her, texted her, answered her messages, or anything.

I am lost too, but things will get better. It's always hard to go on... you may end up being able to work things out, but then again, you may not. Give her some space... that's what it sounds like she needs. Once you leave, it will help her notice what she is missing. Absence does make the heart grow fonder, trust me.

It already sounds like she didn't pick you, she's putting you through so much already--why bother? Yeah you love her, but do you really want to marry someone like that?
You don't have to worry about dating, unless you feel like you are ready. Use this time to learn from all of this and change it for the next time.

she sounds really ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm....confused.

Stay away from that my man. Life is confusing enough.

Let her go be confused somewhere else. You are trying to get your life on track.

She is derailing you from reaching your potential.

You only have so much time to reach your potential!

Can't imagine someone being that confused after all that time, and really thing there may be some bigger issues to deal with.

Maybe the idea of marriage is the big deal here, but 9 years is a long time not to know your partner well enough to tell what's bugging her.

If indeed she is leaving, you have no choice but to make a very clean break and start the healing process.

All due respect, but I must ask what else is going on if anything??

She is speaking to her ex, and denied it for a while. Then stated she was confused. She says she is going out with her girl friends and then he seems to be there. We hang out and she is distant. If I bring him up, she defends him for his past actions, while my ability of not being the cut up person for her is wrong on my end. I ask if that was the case why did she not leave a couple of years earlier and all she says was she worked for our relationship and she is tired now, and that her ex has changed. "I blieve and ex is an ex for a reason".

Let her go then. I am funny about confused people, they tend to get left behind, while life goes on, and just talking to an ex, isn't good, so let her figure this out without you.

Sounds cold I know, but what the heck does she expect from you, as she sort out her feelings, for someone else. Not in my house.

After 9 years you both should know how the other feels, and not be doing the social thing with exes, behind the others back.

If he can't come for coffee, he can't be in contact period, end of discussion.

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Originally Posted by Starcross

We have been together for a very long time. I asked her to marry me and she said she was confused at first. Then later she said she does not feel that thing you should feel when you want to marry someone. We live (own) together and everytime I ask her to leave she says that she still loves me, but is trying to figure things out. At first she said it was issue in the relationship that she was not sure if I was the one. Later it was "lose the wieght and give me my ideal body". As we wait to sell our place she still tells me she is confused. I finally found out that she has been speaking to her ex of 9 years ago and has feeling for him. She says she does not know who to pick, but is sure she does not want to marry me. After futher talks she says that maybe she needs to explore her feelings with the boyfriend who cheated on her to see if I am the one. That once we break up she may need to go out with him. How can this be? I know once we break up, it will take me a while to date or even remmber how to. Was I her rebound this whole time? Does she really love me and needs to see that on her own. Please help. This is very confusing and not sure how to move one and be single if i have to be.:confused:

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Walk away I've been there its not worth your manhood