Ask Me Help Desk - Conflict Before Marriage

I had found a profile in one of the matrimonial sites and replied to it. The other person also accepted it and things moved forward. We both are from respected families with good educational, cultural and traditional background. Our both parents liked each other marriage and said that the guy has to return from overseas. Once you both see in person you get engaged. Here we both had very good relationship and loved each other a lot by chatting.

He used to be so loving and kind to me. After 19 days of talking and chatting to him, we both were experiencing bliss and ecstacy by loving each other. One day, I just said that I feel lust towards him. With this single sentence he got so angry and asked me some personal questions like do I like sex more, how strong I'm in sex etc. etc. though those questions were harsh I answered honestly and gave a reply that I'm quite normal like everybody. After that chat he did not turn up at all. He started avoiding me and hating me.

After one month of this incident I asked him the reason for this change. He said that he did not liked my talk that day. I pleaded/cried and begged for forgiveness and said that I'll not talk like that in future. Just casullay I spoke like that I said. I asked for him to come back and behave like as before. He is not ready to come back to me, he says forget the times we spent together.

But I love him truly and want him in my life, I apologized him countless no. of times. I'm unable to forget him. I need him as my partner. What I said to him I said when I was in ecstacy and bliss while loving him. Our relationship had that closeness when I spoke to him like that. But Suddenly he withdraw all him love/space/closeness given to me. It 's unbearable for me to let him go. He is not understanding that.

Please tell me whether I have made such a big mistake that I will have to lose him for ever.

OR will he understand me and come back to me.

Please suggest me what can I do to get the old him back into my life once again

Please leave your Replies and I thank in advance to all the readers for spending their precious time reading my griefs in Love.

You are in love with somebody you never even met over the internet after 19 days and then you tell him you lust for him. I can see why he ran! He probably went to that site to be away from the types that talk like that. You said matrimonial site so I take it it is a site that isn't attracting the types that AOL chat or Facebook attracts. Sounds like he was maybe looking for somebody with class, integrity and elegant type qualities and your line ended up giving him a totally different perspective.
Realize you can not fall in love with somebody after 19 talks because you need to really get to know way more about them to determine that it is really love or your image of who you think they are. You basically are in love with the idea of being in love with him get over him and try not to scare guys off in the future. If you want to talk lust and sex go to AOL or one of the singles chat sites.

Just by your title conflict before marriage shows you are jumping the gun. 19 days and you are thinking this guy was wanting to marry you.

NoHelp, I think this involves another culture--one with arranged marriages. And if I'm reading this correctly, it's sort of an online "matchmaker" for that sort of thing, to see if people are compatible BEFORE going through the expense of flying home from overseas where one may be working as a contractor or such.

Honestly, you can take this as a good sign for you that he would not be a good marriage partner at all. If your description of what happened is correct, then think about what a life with a man like that would be like for a lifetime.

You made a minor mistake in saying something that upset him, answered his questions truthfully & when he got extremely upset, you kept apologizing only to have him ignore you & want to break it off because he didn't like your talk that day. If anything you said was upsetting to him, he will likely keep holding it against you even if you did get back together. He does not forgive easily over a relatively small matter in the grand scheme of things or want to talk out problems, which are 2 ways to guarantee a disaster of a marriage. Communication is key & a forgiving spirit even more so in order to have a happy marriage.

If he is so uncomfortable with sex or the idea of his future wife desiring him, that would continue to be a major problem area since he most likely would not be comfortable or happy with a wife's normal sexuality or lust for her husband. Then you would be left with feeling undesirable or wanton if you wanted to make love to him. And most likely not being satisfied with him since he sounds likehe would easily be very controlling in general & especially in bed. Again, more ingredients of a recipe for disaster for a marriage.

I know this is upsetting to you, but if you see what behavioral traits he's displayed so far & think about how it would be like to be in a marriage with someone that angry, unforgiving, unwilling to talk out issues, you will be better able to count your blessings he showed his true colors before it was too late for you to find the right truly loving mate for you.

Synnen, your understanding is correct in my case. It is exactly the same culture--one with arranged marriages. It's an online "matchmaker".

Synnen, Nohelp4u and BetrayalBtCamp thank you so much for your precious comments. Your Replies helps me to take a rite decision. But It relieved some pain for sure.

Thank you so much.

Quote:

Sorry didn't mean to sound insensitive but just maybe try holding back with some emotion sometimes guys like to think there is something mysterious, hard to get or classy about you

I understood you weren't trying to be insensitive & agree that giving out too much information particularly regarding sexual matters too quickly can be a bad idea.

I was just commenting that his reaction seemed so over the top in comparison to the "offense" that to me, it would be scary to think of being married to someone that showed so little understanding but instead rage over a simple truth which in essence was "I am immensely attracted to you in every way including sexually" especially on a marriage site.

It sounded to me almost as if he was looking for a frigid wife instead of one that could honesty state her desire for him since his anger was so immediate & long lasting. And that any disagreements with him would be very difficult if not impossible to resolve in a mutually kind way, that's all.

Quote:

Originally Posted by BetrayalBtCamp

It sounded to me almost as if he was looking for a frigid wife instead of one that could honesty state her desire for him since his anger was so immediate & long lasting.

Or maybe he was rattled that a woman from his culture and whom he had known only 19 days would be so sexually forthright on an Internet site. Could he even trust her to have not done this before with other men.

Hi Wondergirl,

Thanks for your Reply. I understand my mistake. But this is my first time in love and I told him while apologizing that he is the only man in my life and I loved only him. He is very well aware of this thing that how much I truly love him and he is the only person in my life.

Quote:

Originally Posted by forgiveness

Hi Wondergirl,

Thanks for your Reply. I understand my mistake. But this is my first time in love and i told him while apologizing that he is the only man in my life and i loved only him. He is very well aware of this thing that how much i truly love him and he is the only person in my life.

I hope he realizes his mistake and comes back to you.

Thank you so much for such kind words.