When I was younger my first relationship was a really serious one
And that ended after a year and a half maybe.
And I've had a best friend since I was in grade 3, but she's betrayed me many times.
But ever since then I've had a commitment phobia.
I'm always so scared of being hurt, or betrayed by someone
I end the relationships instead, so I don't get hurt.
But after I do end the relationship, I am still hurt.
Some friends, and ex boyfriend have told me it was cause I'm scared of commitment
If this is true, Will I ever get over it. Will I ever find a guy I can stay with?
I'm scared I won't be able to have a real relationship with anyone.

You did not say your age, but if you are concerned talk to your parents and see if you can get professional counseling. But personally I find we all change latter in high school or at least in college.

I'm 16 right now, and I'm in my last year of high school.

Hey
I'm 16 as well...

One thing I can tell you:
You will be screwed over by many guys in your life. Boyfriends will cheat, and they will betray you. We can't pretend like this isn't going to happen.

However,
You need to move on from the guys that do this, and find better ones. One day you will find a guy who doesn't do anything to lose your trust, and it is then that you will be able to commit to a relationship again.

A year and a half is a hell of a run for someone your age. My longest is 4 months! Lol. So we already know you can commit to a relationship really well! You can't just live in fear and always think "Is he going to betray me?" Its not fair to you, and its not fair to the guy you are dating. Try to start clean with the next boyfriend, and don't predict he is going to screw up.

Basically, what I am trying to say is that the things you fear will happen, are going to happen sometimes. You just can't let that one guy ruin the rest of your life. When it does happen, move on from it.

"If you fall off the horse, get right back up on it." Right?

Good luck
And keep us updated

Hey,
There's a difference between being afraid of commitment or being very cautious. Its okay to be afraid of not getting hurt, but when it comes to you getting hurt regardless--sounds like a bad thing. Sometimes, you just have to just take that risk. And stay with a guy, and not leave him, or tell your friend how you feel, its all about learning from these life lessons, and you're still too scared to notice. Life is hard, love seems to be even harder, but the hardest thing is going to be at the end is having so many regrets about what you should have done,-etc-.. try it, learn to live a little and enjoy it.

You should also examine your need to not get hurt... as a goal, it is a stifling, crippling idea.

Life is risk, it is dangerous. Being in love and then not, being together then not... these are painful, wondrous experiences. Feeling pain and experiencing pain and even causing pain... these are natural, necessary processes for a healthy life.

Truly.

And many will tell you that it's the FEAR of pain and betrayal that is often far worse and debilitating than the actual pain or betrayals themselves.

Life should be lived, unafraid. The pain that comes with it is joyously educational. Nothing teaches as well or more quickly than going through crisis and healing.

Don't fear a relationship. It will take you many relationships to:
a) find a guy you not only love but is also a GOOD match for you
b) learn what it means for YOU to be a successful match for someone else

Since it's going to take many relationships to learn and accomplish that, you NEED get out there and keep this process going. Don't fear it.

Your first few relationships, even one's with people you end up loving, will end for one reason or another. Don't resist the path, it's necessary. You need to learn through the adventure and experience all you can through it. The pain will hurt, yes, but each time you will get stronger, wiser, more mature and ready for that "real relationship" that is coming.

But it will take time, risk, and pain is part of that process. Face it. Welcome to the human race!

Don't be so hard on yourself ! I promise you that you'll be o.k.
You are too young for commitment to a insane asylum or to a relationship. You are normal. When you have children they will have the same fears and doubts.
Though they won't believe it you will understand their doubts and fears cause you have lived it.

-- written by Max Ehrmann in the 1920s --
Not "Found in Old St. Paul's Church"! -- see below

Go placidly amid the noise and the haste,
And remember what peace there may be in silence.

As far as possible, without surrender,
Be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
And listen to others,
Even to the dull and the ignorant;
They too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons;
They are vexatious to the spirit.

If you compare yourself with others,
You may become vain or bitter,
For always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
It is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs,
For the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
Many persons strive for high ideals,
And everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love,
For in the face of all aridity and disenchantment,
It is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years,
Gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline,
Be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe
No less than the trees and the stars;
You have a right to be here.
And whether it is clear to you,
No doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God,
Whatever you conceive Him to be.
And whatever your labors and aspirations,
In the noisy confusion of life,
Keep peace in your soul.


With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
It is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.