There is this girl that I met last weekend at a house party that I have really gotten attracted to. At the party we stayed up into the early hours and watch a movie with a couple friends. She sat beside me the whole time and got closer and closer into she eventually fell asleep on my shoulder. When the night was over she left and I thought I wouldn't see her again. I talked to my friend who is friends with her and I told her that I really like her and would love to see her again. The next day she added me to Facebook and msn and I talked to her till 2 in the morning on both Monday and Tuesday. Wednesday came around and she called me up and asked if I wanted to walk around the lake and then maybe watch a movie after. We ended up doing that and I really got to know her really well. My friend was having a BBQ at his house and I invited her to come to it the next day. She showed up but didn't act the same as she did the past couple of days I have been talking to her. She kind of ignored me and only said a few things to me but not a whole lot. She wasn't feeling well and started feeling sick so that might be the reason for that. Last night I went camping and texted her asking if she wanted to come along... I never got an text back. Her friend came along with us instead and she told me that she thinks I am really cute but wants to take it slow and doesn't feel like being in a relationship right now. I told my friend that I understand that completely and just want her to be comfortable and I won't rush things at all. I got home this afternoon and she came online and started talking to me and said she went out with some friends last night to get her mind off things. I don't know what things she is bothered by but I know she has been getting phone calls from her ex that broke up with her almost a year ago and he calls her all drunk wanting her back and stuff. My question is... I know I need to take it slow like she wants and hopefully something will come of this but is there a way or ways that I can change the way she is thinking? Also its her birthday on Wednesday and she invited me to come to dinner with all of her friends. I want to get her something but I am lost on what to get. Any help?

The only way to change her mind is to be a good friend to her and show her that you would be a good person for her to be in a relationship with, and that you care about her.

I'm sorry, there's not spells or mind tricks you can play on someone to force them to want to be in a relationship with you!

Give her time, space, and some understanding, as break ups have a way of wanting some time without a relationship. Just be a friend, and don't push.

Trying to change someones thinking never works, but understanding and respecting her thinking will make a big difference to her.

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Originally Posted by ChihuahuaMomma

I'm sorry, there's not spells or mind tricks you can play on someone to force them to want to be in a relationship with you!

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Basically just allow both of you to be who you are and be thankful for the relationship that you do have with each other. Things change and people do change their minds about someone but you can't force it...you can try to force it but you won't get anywhere.

This relationship is very young and taking it slow is a good choice that you have made. Allow yourself to be patient and quietly keep hoping for more. Positive thoughts create positive realities.

Honestly, this situation is happening right now in my situation. I don't really want a relationship. But they guy does. && my ex is continuously calling me saying he needs and wants me back. In my persepective, you can change her mine in time. After talking to someone for a little while, maybe two weeks or so it becomes apart of your routine in your day, you have to make her feel good, and make her smile. Being there for her will really do you justice in the end. As far as buying her something, I think that depends on the age, and the type of person she is. I love getting white and red roses, but that's just me

Try usig the 3 day rule.

You know only talk to her every 3 days?

Shows you aren't clingy but you do think about her.

And don't send her txt after txt after txt or message or whatever.

Send it once and if she doesn't answer, don't worry about it.

Stay in the friend zone for a couple months then ask her out, but if you do see her leaning in on another guy get closer to her.

Ask her to do things like movies or walks on a beach or amusements parks.

As for her birthday... you can never gowrong with a simple silver chain with a heartfelt carm on it. A nice thing but it doesn't scream... HEY I FREAKING LIKE YOU GO OUT WITH ME PLEASE!!

"i really got to know her really well."

It is doubtful you could know someone really well on the basis of one conversation, which is why some of her behavior is puzzling to you. You are still very much in the discovery stage & she is making it clear she does't want to be smothered. If you want to be in the running as a boyfriend, then you need to respect her desire to have space right now.

As to the gift, besides the suggested jewelry which is a nice idea, you could ask her friend what ideas she has, since she knows her better. You could also get her a nice bd card (funny is better than too mushy at this point) & print out a coupon you put together on your computer that she can use to pick a date & restaurant she'd like you to take her to with perhaps a single rose in a vase or nice small flower arrangement.

That way she can pick someplace that she likes & a time that she wants to spend some time with you. If finances are a concern, then put the restaurant in yourself. If you want to go somewhere nicer, than use a lunch date instead of dinner since the prices are usually less than dinner.

I like the funny card idea, simple, but thoughtful. The main thing is keep your life balanced with other things, and give her all the space she needs.

If she cares, the less you chase, the more she will respect and appreciate you. Never just stop your life, and what your doing for her, as once she feels smothered or pressured, your toast.

Any conversation is never about your feelings for her, or wanting more, at all, as this is a pathetic form of pressure. The goal, have fun getting to know her better, and making sure she has a good time

You can' t force the issue, right now she needs some space, as you said her ex. Is giving her grief, don't add yourself to that grief.

Leave her alone for a while, no pressure, maybe send her an email-card ( cyberspace do some good ones ) nothing heavy, just something like... thinking of you, how you doing... that kind of thing.

She'll be in touch when she's ready.