Ask Me Help Desk - Will the ex ever come back?

Will the ex ever come back?

Here is a brief rundown of my story:

I was with a girl for 4 years. We broke up last year for a few months, and I did almost every "wrong" thing to do. Pleaded, begged, made a scene, called, etc. Finally I didn't talk to her for a few weeks, and then she was willing to talk again. We decided to give it a second chance, and she made a promise to me that this wouldn't happen again, we would always talk before it got this bad...

Fastforward to today, and the same thing DID happen about 2 weeks ago. When we were on the phone, she said something about being friends, and I of course said no way. I haven't talked to her since it went down, but I was able to get a mutual friend to drop off whatever stuff she had at my apartment. Basically, I feel like she is afraid of commitment, at least right now. I also feel that she may have the idea that she can come and go as she pleases and I'll always be willing to take her back.

So, I haven't contacted her at all since. I'm trying to work out every day, and stay busy. But the thing is that I feel like we belong together. This isn't my first love, although she is the first person I was serious about settling down with. I've been down this road before, and even though I've been upset, I haven't felt like a breakup was this wrong before.

Help! I feel like she'll come back some day, but then I think if/when she does, it will probably be too late. I think I've done all the right things, but I don't know how much her fear of loss will help. She already put me on waivers once before and got back with me, so I'm hoping that this time she'll realize that Im a good guy and we should be together.

Do I have a snowballs chance in hell that shell call me and want to reconsile?

Its been 4 years... Do you think she will still her change mind?

Quote:

Originally Posted by ylaira

Its been 4 years...Do you think she will still her change mind?

Please tell me if this is just foolish, but I honestly don't think she's had to do much of anything decision wise thus far. She always knew she could come back, and Ive always taken her back. She was balling her eyes out when she was breaking up with me, and even said she doesn't want to lose me because she can't make up her mind. But I realize that most/all of that could be BS.

I guess if after 4 years she doesn't know if were meant to be than I should take that as a sign its time to move on.

I don't understand. What are you fighting about?

Do you want her to come back? If you do there is always a chance, try doing the things when you first ask her out or the most passionate moment like some kind of event that made her think back only you and her.

Quote:

Originally Posted by johnblazesf

Here is a brief rundown of my story:

I was with a girl for 4 years. We broke up last year for a few months, and I did almost every "wrong" thing to do. Pleaded, begged, made a scene, called, etc. Finally I didnt talk to her for a few weeks, and then she was willing to talk again. We decided to give it a second chance, and she made a promise to me that this wouldnt happen again, we would always talk before it got this bad...

Fastforward to today, and the same thing DID happen about 2 weeks ago. When we were on the phone, she said something about being friends, and I of course said no way. I havent talked to her since it went down, but I was able to get a mutual friend to drop off whatever stuff she had at my apartment. Basically, I feel like she is affraid of commitment, at least right now. I also feel that she may have the idea that she can come and go as she pleases and I'll always be willing to take her back.

So, I havent contacted her at all since. I'm trying to work out every day, and stay busy. But the thing is that I feel like we belong together. This isnt my first love, although she is the first person I was serious about settling down with. I've been down this road before, and even though I've been upset, I havent felt like a breakup was this wrong before.

Help! I feel like she'll come back some day, but then I think if/when she does, it will probably be too late. I think I've done all the right things, but I dont know how much her fear of loss will help. She already put me on waivers once before and got back with me, so I'm hoping that this time she'll realize that Im a good guy and we should be together.

Do I have a snowballs chance in hell that shell call me and want to reconsile?

If I were you... I would say to myself... I will go on with my life,, it is way too short to waste... and if and when she does want to try again... if I am still available... then we will see... keeping in mind that things in life happen for a reason... most of which we are not aware of till they are hindsight... good luck

Quote:

Originally Posted by ylaira

I dont understand. What are you fighting about?

Sorry if Ive rambled and not made sense, Im a bit out of sorts...

Basically, things go south for us whenever she feels the burden of commitment. I don't mean "I wont sleep with anyone else" commitment, I mean getting married, moving in together, etc. She goes from 'definitely' to 'I just don't know' often. She has many times before said that she would hate to lose me because she can't make up her mind, but then gives me the boot anyway. I feel like she knows that we would have a great life together, but is afraid to commit like that for many reasons, none of them anything I've done. They stem from divorced parents and a-hole ex bf's, and she has this fear of abandonment.

Anyway, I feel like she has the idea that our relationship will always be there, so why deal with it now when you can come back to it at a time of your choosing? Whenever she is stressed about work or other things, these feelings toward me get stronger. I almost feel like Im the easy scapegoat.

But for the first time, I did not argue with her over the breakup and have kept no contact for 2 weeks now. I am trying to move on, and do things I need to for myself, but I will always hold a flame for her. Im just wondering how likely it is that I'll ever get a call from her.

Why torture yourself? She's happy with the way things are and doesn't want to tie a knot with you.

Quote:

Originally Posted by ylaira

Why torture yourself? She's happy with the way things are and doesnt want to tie a knot with you.

I know... move on. Sometimes the more times you and hear it and the more people that say it make it stick a little better.

Thank you.

Stay NC. Change numbers. Box all the memories.

If Its Meant To Be It Will Be...

Hey mate,

If you can find my first post, I was and still am in a similar situation. Girlfriend of 4 years and I went on a break. I found out she was with someone else.

So I basically left it on a good note and went no contact. It hurts like the ens but its what you have to do.

Call her but don't beg, don't plead. Tell her you understand the situation and if she's not sure after four years, she'll never be sure. Then tell her good bye.

If she think she has made the wrong decision, she'll come back to you.

Mate, know exactly where you are coming from. I posted a response on another thread about my current Mrs and how she broke up with me out of the blue for no reason.. she was really upset and it was just a commitment issue in the end... she put the horse before the cart and took a rather large step on the 'jump to conclusion mat' when I said I was buying a house! I didn't beg or plead but accepted her decision and like you, when she asked could we remain friends, I declined.

Fast forward 6 months and she came back and we are back together 4 years. If you stay in the background she will never have to realise that she is either with you or not - you will always be there as a safety net. If she has commitment issues then she needs to face up to them and make the decision whether she wants to be single her entire life, whether she just doesn't see you as her life partner or whether she can't see herself without you. This isn't a decision that you can make for her an by sticking around you will only delay the process.

Stick to your guns and get out and enjoy yourself, I know I did and it made my missus want me back. Remember you will probably spend 50 plus years of your life married so you should make the most of the time when you are free and single and able to drink beer whilst playing a PS3 in your boxer shorts!

Final note, if you have her number delete it from your phone and store it somewhere if you want.. the last thing you want to do is go ringing her when you are after having a few drinks and babbling about your undying love to her, its not classy - trust me!

Quote:

Stick to your guns and get out and enjoy yourself,

Had to spread the rep, but that was a good piece of advice. Know one knows what she may do but make darn sure you do what you should be doing for your own health and happiness.

Its only been two weeks so your probably still in shock and the hurt is oh so fresh.

Comment on Roborat's post

Hey Roborat, I know its been a while since you posted this but I wanted to know during the 6 months apart from the mrs, how was that? Did you have contact with her? Did you see her once in a while? Or Did you go cold turky?