Ask Me Help Desk - Moving out tomorrow.

I don't know if any of you saw my other thread.
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...ce-244626.html

I'm moving out of the house tomorrow. I'm staying at a friends place for about a week and a half and than trying to decide what to do after that. I mentioned to my ex yesterday that I was thinking about subletting a furnished apartment for the next couple of months in case her and I are able to work things out. The last thing I want to do is lock into a lease somewhere else and have her and I reconcile.

She seemed to think this made some sense but than got nervous and started feeling the pressure of the relationship again and said "i don't know if 2 months can fix what's wrong with us" or "I think you're putting too much pressure on this" and "maybe it wouldn't be a bad thing to have a couple of places to stay at (this i can kind of agree with)". See, it's important to remember that right now not only is she tired of fighting with me (the reason for the break) but now she is also super angry and frustrated at me because of my behavior the last week. And this result I'm sitting at right now might not have happened.

A quick recap: I royally screwed up these past 10 days of space. She just wanted space initially because we've been fighting so much but I was so pestering and smothering to her that she ended up wanting to end the entire relationship which has resulted in my moving out. She said that these past 10 days have made her feel like she made the right decision. She said that at the beginning of the break there was a chance for us to reconcile.
What a bummer. I hope I will not live to regret these past few days for the rest of my life.

I don't know if I'm fooling myself or not. And I don't know if arranging my life around this breakup and the possibility of us getting back together is a mistake. But I feel like this is a burden I need to carry for a little while, perhaps a punishment for my behavior. 8 years together is a long time. And a simple break has turned into much more because of my behavior the last week. I'm thinking I can restore what I've done in recent days and show her that it was all a momentary lapse of judgement. I think if her love was that strong that the anger would subside and the love would start coming through again.

My ex, her sister and her little cousin went out for launch yesterday. Her sister dropped the bomb to her cousin. "they are getting a divorce". Apparently my ex winced and did not feel good hearing that. Her sister than asked her if this was real or if it we are going to get back together and my ex said "i dont know! i dont want to talk about it anymore right now!". See's tired of hearing about it because I've literally spoken about it 10 times a day this last week. Our family thinks we'll get back together again. Her sister got upset at me and said : "I told you not to bug her, all she wanted was space. now look what you've one". Despite that, she still thinks we'll be together again. She told her mom that I' moving out for 'awhile'.

Again, false hope, maybe... maybe not?

I know the easy thing here is to never talk to her again and go hardcore No Contact. But I somehow feel this is a little different than most cases.

My plan over the next while was to go out live my life join a gym and finally get my drivers license. I'm meeting with a psychologist to see if there is anything I can learn about myself.

In the meantime I was planning on swinging by our office (I won't be going into the office during the day anymore) at night to place her favorite flowers around her desk. Just as a reminder that I'm still here and thinking of her.

Overall I'm super bummed out. Not really crying anymore... I'm just feeling sad and really confused and really depressed.

I know exactly how you feel. My boyfriend completely broke up with me for the same reason. He was tired of the arguing and fighting and said he needed space. Of course, I called and texted and so didn't give him any real space. He ended up just breaking up with me and saying that he felt it was the right thing to do. Everyone thinks he is being rash and that he'll come to his senses eventually, but I just don't know. I want to believe it. We have been together for 5 1/2 years now, and have lived together for 2. I'm moving out now and giving him real space. I too am afraid that this will eventually blow over and I will have moved out for nothing.

I don't have any advice for you, except what everyone says... give it time. I finally realized yesterday that all he wants is space and time to figure things out. I don't know if that means we'll be back together or not, but I can't sit around and wait for him, and neither should you. Moving out may be a good thing for both of you, whether you get back together or not. I realized that too about my situation. We won't have each other to depend on and will grow to become better people because of it.

I have been to the point where I've needed space too and he hasn't given it to me, but I took it on my own. I would go out and be by myself and think about things without having him around. He, unfortunately, couldn't take the time and space he needed. Now here we are, but I do believe that what is meant to be will be. In your situation, you've been together for a long time. Love doesn't die easily and maybe she will realize what she is losing, but again, if she does, only time and being on her own will allow her to realize that.

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I think if her love was that strong that the anger would subside and the love would start coming through again.

Geeez, you think she was thinking the same thing??

I will give you credit for getting help.

So I've been out on my own for a few days now. It hasn't hit me as hard as I thought it would. I'm not sure why. I miss her like crazy and I miss my animals and my old life. But it already feels like an OLD life. Does that make sense? Maybe I will crumble any time now. I hope not. I do have these terrible dreams that wake me up. But then I just remember it's a dream and go back to bed. Certain memories make my eyes well... but I try to enjoy them rather than be sad.

I was suppose to leave weds morning-- but opted to do an impromptu exit tues night.

I came home after being out with a friend tues and when I came home she was laughing and chatting on the phone with someone. I started packing my stuff and her attitude totally changed. She was somber and didn't say much to me. She just stood there. She offered help here and there.

I gave her a hug, told her I loved her and that I wished it didn't have to be this way. She couldn't reciprocate the 'i love you'. That bothered me.. but maybe it also helped me leave.

Yesterday I was out with a friend and she called me. I had not even thought about calling her but I answered all the same. She asked me how I was feeling and what I was doing and I told her that my feelings are par for the course but I'm dealing and that I was out with a friend shopping. She was surprised I wasn't working and I told her I took the day off to clear my head. I asked her what she did that day and apparently she slept almost constantly since I've left and hasn't gone into the office at all. I think she expected me to be dead in a bathtub or something. She went on to tell me about what's going on with her this week and mentioned that she was going to be in the office tomorrow (today) shooting a bunch of product for a rush job. For a second the old me thought she was trying to deter me from being there and I got paranoid but than I quickly snapped out of it and thought "whatever, i can't do anything about it".

I thought a lot during the 2 weeks building up to my departure from my old life and even more now that I'm on my own. Things in my mind are becoming clearer. I carried the entire burden on my own shoulders. Everything that went wrong was due to me, I was lead to believe. And the things that were not directly my fault were looked at as "oh well, it's just who we are". Never once did she ever take any sense of responsibility for anything. It was either my fault or no ones fault. And that bothers me , a lot.
It bothered me so much I started becoming erratic. I see my problems.. and I'm working on them. But is it fair to not accept any responsibility?

I was blamed for making the majority of the living situation bad and for not following a list of rules that included no arguing and negativity in this new house with her mother. But never ONCE was I ever told that she understands how hard it is living with her mother and that my efforts are being noticed. I was just told that I'm not trying and I'm making things worse. I told her over and over again that I understand these rules... but that the environment I'm in makes it very difficult to adhere. Her mother really is crazy. She is an impossible lady to deal with her will never discuss anything. She will only turn her back and walk away. Just like my Ex does. Opl

So this is where I am. In between depressed/angry/and accepting.

I'd love to be back there again with her. But even if I could I will NEVER live in that house again under those circumstances and I would insist we see someone to talk about our problems.

I cried a lot before I moved out. I thought my life was ending. But now, I'm starting to realize that my life is just beginning. I saw that psychologist the other day which felt great. He read back to me everything I said and I instantly felt better and not crazy. I'm going again tomorrow and probably will return for a long time to come. It felt good talking to someone who could just listen.

When I last saw my ex I thought of how I am doing all sorts of things to become a better person in life. How I am trying to grow from my mistakes. She just wants to go back to where she was, before. I keep thinking about that. And it makes me feel better.

If I did give her her space 2 weeks ago. Would it have made things better if it all blew over and we were still together right now? I'd still be negative in that environment and all my words would be falling on deaf ears.

Dwelling on the past is like trying to prevent an already sunken ship from sinking, it's useless. You can try as much as you want and say things like "well if I did this differently" "if I told her this before hand" all of that is only good for future relationships. Chalk it up to a lesson learned, 20/20 hindsight as you will

I sure wish I could feel the way you do about moving out. I just had a break up and had to move out too, actually not even done moving out. My goodbye with my ex was almost just like yours. Is that the order of the feelings depressed>anger>accept. Man I feel like I have a long way to go. Goodluck with your new life I can tell you're already being more positive as time goes by. I'll take that as a good example:)

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Originally Posted by cantbelieveit

I sure wish I could feel the way you do about moving out. I just had a break up and had to move out too, actually not even done moving out. My goodbye with my ex was almost just like yours. Is that the order of the feelings depressed>anger>accept. Man I feel like I have a long way to go. Goodluck with your new life I can tell you're already being more positive as time goes by. I'll take that as a good example:)

If you want to see how I felt about moving out before I wrote this thread, check here https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...ce-244626.html

I'm trying to be positive. I know I'll slip and fall down. Deep down in my heart I still want to be with my ex..

One thing is for sure though.. Moving out helps SO much. You don't have to look at him/her anymore and see a shell of your former life. Or wonder why they look the same but are completely different. Just because you force yourself to be around them doesn't mean they are the same person, you dig? Out of site- out of mind. I'm not really in the No Contact frame of mind... I'm in the "taking care of myself" frame of mind. If she calls-- I'll probably answer it. But I'm not looking to move back right now... But I'm also not into dropping her either. I'm just playing it as it comes. We have a history together and hopefully one day (soon) it will work out. But this time around some of my feelings need to be heard...