Ask Me Help Desk - I don't know myself sexually!

Didn't feel comfortable having such a detailed and lengthy post, so I edited it. And no offense, but I'm just tired of people saying that I need counseling because I don't feel like I need anymore counseling.

I realized that meeting guys online for nsa sex is not who I am at all and I will never ever fall for such a destructive behavior again. I don't have any problem with other people doing it, it's just not for me.

I would seek counseling. I think you can find it through various channels. Talk to your general Practitioner m.d. or women's shelters. It doesn't need to go on your insurance because that will raise your rates for later. But I think something deeper is going on here and you'd benefit from learning more about your situation talking to a counselor face to face.

Yes, this appears to be possible destructive and addictive behavior and I woulid talk to a couselor about these to get in touch with who you really are and to perhaps deal with feelings and issues never addressed

I think this is all fairly normal. Before I had done anything sexual with anybody else I was confused too one day wanting to just give it to whoever and the next wanting a relationship, and love to go with it. My advice would be to find yourself sexually by yourself with yourself. Expecting someone else to find it for you will only leave you unsatisfied. Read erotic novels, look at porn or buy some toys. Just find something that can help you explore your sexuality, and what you like.

You run ads saying horny beautiful woman and you talk to guys saying all you are looking for is a casual relationship and you say you are okay with it BUT then you claim Despite the fact I wrote I could never have casual sex, you see yourself as MAYBE being a player... I can't understand how I could think that was the right thing to do- meeting up with some random guy I met online to have sex. That feels so wrong!

I think you are playing with fire and getting in way over your head!! With the title horny beautiful woman WHAT do you expect to attract??

I think you really need to sort out your thoughts and think things through realistically.

You need counseling.

I've said it before, I'll say it again.

Hopefully, you get help before you get yourself hurt.

I'll say it as well. Get some counseling, and be honest with them when you are there. I too see some behaviours that WILL cause problems. Such as meeting up with people online for sex you have never met in person plus the fact you don't appear to be in or have a relationship with someone you know locally.

Usual progression is you meet someone interesting, you date them to get to know them better then maybe have sex at some point. Not advertize for sex and later hope they are interesting enough to date.

I think I didn't make myself clear. Before, I wasn't even interesting in dating. I just wanted sex, no strings attached. Then I realized that wasn't what I wanted at all, it was just destructive behavior and deep down I think I knew I never intended to go through with it. It was just a phase.

I really just wanted your opinions about the thing with this guy. I'm so used of being approached by guys who only seems to want one thing, and this is the first time a guy says he wants to start as friends. It just feels unusual.

Well for one thing if he thinks you are into being a horny woman and he says he wants friends first maybe he is genuine but still I would wonder what his motivation for replying to a horny woman title would be if he is looking for a friends first thing usually ads like that attract all the wrong type that do just want one thing.
I would continue talking to him and getting more acquainted with who he is (or claims to be) before agreeing to meet him and also make yourself clear that you really weren't looking for that type relationship but you did it more on a fluke or whatever.

Steph,

I know you just want info on one guy, but that is actually impossible from where I sit.
I think your need to know yourself sexually is an honest assessment by you and you should do it before heading into another relationship.

Having sex is a great thing and yes, if you present a sexy package a man will jump on it, BUT it will not create any self-esteem for you. And that is the goal for a really healthy sex life.

Quote:

Originally Posted by N0help4u

Well for one thing if he thinks you are into being a horny woman and he says he wants friends first maybe he is genuine but still I would wonder what his motivation for replying to a horny woman title would be if he is looking for a friends first thing usually ads like that attract all the wrong type that do just want one thing.
I would continue talking to him and getting more acquainted with who he is (or claims to be) before agreeing to meet him and also make yourself clear that you really weren't looking for that type relationship but you did it more on a fluke or whatever.

I'd question any person looking for an old fashioned relationship on Craigslist.

I mean what's up with them? What is their social problem they can't meet people in person, are they married and looking to cheat. Stuff like that.

No worries. I actually have no issue with Craigslist or any online dating... but obviously experimenting as an online horny girl is a bit silly.

I do not mind where you meet any guy. Online, at a bar, on a bus.

What I was addressing is your need to know yourself.

This requires work and it can not be achieved as well online... What do I think of the guy? No idea. But if you want to feel sexy and secure focus on things like a good career, school, and a solid relationship with your parents. These are the things that make us move forward to our potential and make us meet people. And ultimately make sex more fun because we feel empowered before during --- and after.

I have known a lot of insecure women who have tried sex to feel good and it does not work. Unless they are respected they do not fully enjoy it and have a hard time attracting committed guys.

I understand you were just being honest and open about your past ads online. I appreciate that. Still steph, your question requires self-exploration. And that requires work - either with a counselor for a few months. Or going the long way - and trying to figure it out on your own for many years. Either way, I am rooting for you.

Relax, this is an anonymous forum and you can say or do most anything you want :-)

I agree you can meet characters, players, perverts or MR Dreamboat anywhere.
But for a better chance @ a quality relationship advertising ''horny beautiful woman'' on Craiglist slims the chances drastically.

Got to disagree with you Smoothy.

How do you MEET people? Say that you've been moved for your job to a new city halfway across the country--how do you meet people to date? You do NOT date the ones you work with--everyone knows that's stupid. If you're not religious (or,like me, belong to a religion that is predominately women) then church is out.

You could meet them through some activity you enjoy--maybe. I've personally found that most people already HAVE friends, and don't join those groups looking for more. So at best, you either have to prove yourself over months of time in a group of people who are nice--but aren't looking for a date or for new friends.

If you do not have kids, have no family close by, and have no friends already established in the area, meeting people --especially to date them--is HARD. Online dating has smoothed that out a little. While I don't think Craigslist is exactly the way I'd recommend going, E-harmony and Match.com are both reputable sites, and the people I know that use them say that even if they haven't met their "soul mate" through the site, they HAVE met interesting people, and have made friends --friends who can introduce you to OTHER friends. And the REALLY nice thing about reputable dating sites: They screen people first.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Synnen

Gotta disagree with you Smoothy.

How do you MEET people? Say that you've been moved for your job to a new city halfway across the country--how do you meet people to date? You do NOT date the ones you work with--everyone knows that's stupid. If you're not religious (or,like me, belong to a religion that is predominately women) then church is out.

You could meet them through some activity you enjoy--maybe. I've personally found that most people already HAVE friends, and don't join those groups looking for more. So at best, you either have to prove yourself over months of time in a group of people who are nice--but aren't looking for a date or for new friends.

If you do not have kids, have no family close by, and have no friends already established in the area, meeting people --especially to date them--is HARD. Online dating has smoothed that out a little. While I don't think Craigslist is exactly the way I'd recommend going, E-harmony and Match.com are both reputable sites, and the people I know that use them say that even if they haven't met their "soul mate" through the site, they HAVE met interesting people, and have made friends --friends who can introduce you to OTHER friends. And the REALLY nice thing about reputable dating sites: They screen people first.

How do I meet people? The old fashioned way. At the store, at friends parties... actually about anyplace you see people where you might run into people. There are opportunities every place people gather. I've lived in three different states and in two different countries. And yes I've dated people everyplace I've been. Most cases where I know people that wen't online to find people it was due to real social issues they had. And have heard some real stories as well from these people. Then there is the Cyber aspect to things where people pretend to be something they aren't etc. This applies for casual friends as well as anyone you would want to date. That step is the same. I've started cold not knowing anyone in the area several times. And that was BEFORE I married.

Not saying its not possible to find someone normal at an online place. Just saying its far less likely. You can tell someone's really weird within a minute in person, online it can take months or until you meet them in person.

Trust me in I've had women hit up on me from time to time just standing for a walk signal in town. And I wear a wedding ring. And I'm pretty average looking. Sort of a bit like a cross between Christopher Walkins and John Lithgow.

People are there and opportunities abound if you open your eyes and see them. Assuming you don't live alone in a schoolbus in the Yukon territory.

Anyway the bottom line is not so much internet dating BUT HOW you go about meeting people the old fashioned way or through the internet sites that is what the OP needs to straighten out in her life.

She's pretty much closed the thread. She's changed her original post.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Synnen

She's pretty much closed the thread. She's changed her original post.

True that... just proves my point that she really DOES need counseling because she alone doesn't see the problem.

I'm really glad to hear you post this, Steph. :)

I felt you were a girl who was looking for closeness and mind intimacy with a man... and went about this in the wrong way... by assuming the role of great f**ker, you big phoney! :D

IN order to be happy and have REAL relationships, you have to start with your authentic self, not an assumed role, and build what you want from life based on who you are and what you desire.

Life is so much better if you let people see your real self, and you are truly loved and or cared for.

Best wishes, :)

Quote:

Originally Posted by smoothy

True that....just proves my point that she really DOES need councelling because she alone doesn't see the problem.

smoothy,

What do you mean? What is the problem? I wrote that I realized what I did before was the wrong thing for me. It was just a destructive way of getting attention cause I wasn't very happy at the time. But now I feel much better :) So why do you say I need counselling?