Hi everyone
My girlfriend has been raped and I need some advice please. She is refusing to report it but I am considering reporting it myself. Here is what I know of the details as I have been told by her

1) Person is a med co-student with Gf
2) Person was let into my gf’s apartment by my girlfriend (around 1am)
3) Person initiated the rape after being at her apartment for 15 minutes
4) There was no threat or violence as far as I am told
5) Gf told him to stop when he tried kissing her
6) Person continued to penetrate immediately, without either taking his or her clothes off
7) Gf starts to cry, person freaks and stops.
8) Person then goes to bathroom
9) Gf cries for a while then asks about if he has STD and why he didn’t at least use a condom
10) Person says that if he went to get a condom she would “get away”
11) Person then wants to leave, GF then asks him to stay the night (This part really does not make sense to me. She says she was in shock and was afraid I would come and do something to her)
12) Person then leaves the apartment 7am next day having slept on the floor in the lounge.
13) Gf then sleeps the whole day next day.
14) Night after she calls the police, but does not give a name.
15) She also visits a Gyno and was examined.
16) She throws her clothes away the next day.

I like to know what is likely to happen to this person if this is reported, especially any implications it might have on his medical career. I also like to know what happens if I report this and Gf then denies it? In addition if it comes down to her word/his word, is likely to walk free?

Thanks for your time

If she doesn't want to report it, its not going to work out in your favor because in the end, the police would need to have her either testify in court or at least file a written account of the incident. Furthermore, because she did not go to the police sooner, they can't confirm the rape based on physical evidence on her vaginal area.
If you saved the sheets on her bed, assuming they aren't washed which I'm assuming they have been since then, then you might have some concrete evidence but that's only assuming she decideds to come forward herself. The other issue is that she let the guy in and let him sleep there for the night, as you said that makes no sense and certainly won't make sense to the police.

Are you sure she didn't cheat on you and now feels guilty so she's claiming got raped
Because she thought you would find out and be upset. I just don't get it why would she let another man into her home at one a.m. and let him sleep over. I think if she was raped she waould have called the cops when he fell asleep on her floor. You should get as much details as you can before you accuse someone, cause it might come back and bite you in the a-hole

Hi, I'm am sorry but I do very much agree with dfresh, I was raped by a friend myself and I would have to say when something like this has happined there IS NO WAY you would ask them to spend the night!! Weather your in shock or not! And if she was in shoke the most likely thing she would have done is spend the rest of the night in the shower!!

I can't help but co-sign the two above posts.

I agree with the others as a med student she should see the important significance of reporting a co med student raping her.
YOU can not do anything about it because she has to be willing to go through with it as your 'reporting' it and her denying it makes it hearsay.
She didn't get a rape kit done so she has no proof for court

I think it would be harder to report a 'friend' than a stranger because she most likely does have some bond that she doesn't want to get him in serious trouble. Although that is wrong thinking on her part it is most likely how she is looking at it.

11) Person then wants to leave, GF then asks him to stay the night (This part really does not make sense to me. She says she was in shock and was afraid I would come and do something to her)

That really makes NO sense so I have to agree with dfresh because if it was rape then friend or no friend she would demand he leave.
Her excuse that you would come after her so she wanted him to stay DAH how would you find out between 1 a.m. and 7 a.m. for you to go after either one of them? AND wouldn't him staying ALL night make you want to go after him all the more? Her being in shock reaction would not be to ASK him to spend the night.
Sounds like a case of she wanted it and then she changed her mind and then claimed it was forced. Sounds like Coby Bryant written all over it.
SO her story does not add up at all and I would say for whatever reasons she is handing you a bunch of B.S.
I would break up with her just over the lies alone.

Oh and calling the Police and going to the gynie the next day was most probably just to make her story look better to you because as a med student she should realize a rape kit has to be done right away and the clothes kept as evidence.
She would also realize that in order for anything to be done about it she would have had to name him so she only went through the motions to make you believe her story.

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Originally Posted by Mistral121

Hi everyone
My girlfriend has been raped and I need some advice please. She is refusing to report it but I am considering reporting it myself. Here is what I know of the details as I have been told by her

1) Person is a med co-student with Gf
2) Person was let into my gf’s apartment by my girlfriend (around 1am)
3) Person initiated the rape after being at her apartment for 15 minutes
4) There was no threat or violence as far as I am told
5) Gf told him to stop when he tried kissing her
6) Person continued to penetrate immediately, without either taking his or her clothes off
7) Gf starts to cry, person freaks and stops.
8) Person then goes to bathroom
9) Gf cries for a while then asks about if he has STD and why he didn’t at least use a condom
10) Person says that if he went to get a condom she would “get away”
11) Person then wants to leave, GF then asks him to stay the night (This part really does not make sense to me. She says she was in shock and was afraid I would come and do something to her)
12) Person then leaves the apartment 7am next day having slept on the floor in the lounge.
13) Gf then sleeps the whole day next day.
14) Night after she calls the police, but does not give a name.
15) She also visits a Gyno and was examined.
16) She throws her clothes away the next day.

I like to know what is likely to happen to this person if this is reported, especially any implications it might have on his medical career. I also like to know what happens if I report this and Gf then denies it? In addition if it comes down to her word/his word, is likely to walk free?

Thanks for your time

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The legal answer is YOU (technically) can't report the rape; YOU have no legal standing to press charges. The Police may or may not take a report but it's not yours to handle.

And, yes, if you someone force her into reporting this and she won't testify or doesn't want to testify, he will walk away.

Sorry to be harsh but the rest of this is for the relationship boards - only she knows why she did what she did and only you know whether to stay or go but neither of those is a legal question.

Partially moved to:

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...ml#post1210390

Scott

I understand why you moved this but please bring it back here. This is a dead end relationship and I don't want relationship advice, I need legal advice.
Everyone is saying legally there is nothing I can do, but surely the fact that this person is working in a hospital must change things? In Europe, *any* rape allegation against a public worker, be it school teacher, health worker, doctor etc.. *must* be investigated by the police regardless of how stupid or unbelievable they are. Doesn't something like this exist in the US?

Am I also under false pretences to believe that the university is *legally* obliged to follow any allegation?

I am not worried about the person who is alleged in this. If this person is innocent the due course of law should find him innocent.

Hun, you cannot report this rape. YOU were not the one raped. SHE has to be the one to report the rape. If she is unwilling to do so, and it seems she is, reporting it is a moot point. It will be considered heresay and that is not admissible in court.

MIstral
NO matter HOW many times or how many people you ask the reply is going to be the same.
YOU were not the victim, your girlfriend destroyed any and all 'evidence', your gf's story would not even add up to get a conviction as it stands, your girlfriend will NOT testify against him or even accuse him. How can you make something hold up in court that THE VICTIM themselves will deny in court??
J_9 IS A NURSE and you have also heard from legal experts here.

Besides it is pretty clear that your girlfriend WAS NOT raped and YOU are in denial because emotionally you do not want to accept that.

**Also Scott left your original on the law board too.

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Originally Posted by N0help4u

MIstral
your gf's story would not even add up to get a conviction as it stands, .

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You somehow manage to take him to court for raping your girlfriend.
Your girlfriend testifies

2) Person was let into my gf's apartment by my girlfriend (around 1am)
3) Person initiated the rape after being at her apartment for 15 minutes
4) There was no threat or violence as far as I am told
5) Gf told him to stop when he tried kissing her
6) Person continued to penetrate immediately, without either taking his or her clothes off
7) Gf starts to cry, person freaks and stops.
8) Person then goes to bathroom
9) Gf cries for a while then asks about if he has STD and why he didn't at least use a condom
10) Person says that if he went to get a condom she would “get away”
11) Person then wants to leave, GF then asks him to stay the night (This part really does not make sense to me. She says she was in shock and was afraid I would come and do something to her)
12) Person then leaves the apartment 7am next day having slept on the floor in the lounge.
13) Gf then sleeps the whole day next day.
14) Night after she calls the police, but does not give a name.
15) She also visits a Gyno and was examined.
16) She throws her clothes away the next day.

THAT would never get a conviction on this guy!

Even if you could get him on one count of rape he wouldn't have much time to serve and be right back out.
I got the guy that raped me on six counts and he got seven years but he had prior felony record on several things which they take into consideration for jail time.

Let me add that if YOU attempt to file charges you could get yourself in a mess 'O' trouble!! Slander, Liable, defamation of character.

Sounds to me like your GF is pulling a CYA on you and it's working. She had an affair, it was not rape, rape victims don't let their attackers spend the night in their home willingly.

Good point J_9 about them turning it into slander and libel because she and the guy are going to stick together on this and he has NO PROOF. She could say she made the entire story up and he wasn't even there that night. She already told you she would never bother with you again if you tried to press charges.

She is choosing protecting him over loving you and still you are in denial trying to protect her while she is lying to you.

Ok another legal question. I am sorry to be bugging you, and sounding like a mindless maniac but this has thrown me completely off balance. My day job is a university professor, so you would think I could digest this rationally, but I have just hit a blank

Anyway.. before I broke off contact she said that if I kept being threatening to the alleged rapist, as a doctor she has taken an oath that if she believes someone is either in danger of suicide or homicide (which by the way I am not stupid enough to do either one), that she has to report it to the police. She said she would report me to the police to stop me entering the country, is that B.S. too? Can they refuse me entry to the country because someone makes an allegation that I might be dangerous?

I also wanted to cross check a few things she said, may be J_9 can help. She said that if she reports this, her medical file or record (or something like that) will be amended with this, and so her colleagues in the future would all be able to find out she was a rape victim. Is this true? I thought only the rapist will end up with a record?

She also said that the police came to her apartment but kept telling her that she has to be sure if she wants to report it because as soon as she gives a name, they will literally go and pull him out of wherever he is and handcuff him, again is this what happens?

Finally – and a bit off topic – why would she do a CYA like this? From the timeline that she gave me, there was a gap of about 2 days between when this is happened till she told me. We spoke during this period as we always do. I did not pick up that she was upset or anything had happened. If she had never told me, I would have never known. So what would be her motivation for telling me this story? Furthermore, everybody here obviously agrees that this story does not make sense and I am sure she would have been the first one to realize this. If she was doing a CYA, couldn't she use the 2 days to actually cook a better story? She is quit an intelligent person, it's not beyond her to do that if she wanted. She also said that the only way she would report it is if she ended up with some sort of STD, are you saying that this was also another cunning part of plot to make her story sound more plausible?

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Originally Posted by Mistral121

anyway.. before I broke off contact she said that if I kept being threatening to the alleged rapist, as a doctor she has taken an oath that if she believes someone is either in danger of suicide or homicide (which by the way I am not stupid enough to do either one), that she has to report it to the police. She said she would report me to the police to stop me entering the country, is that B.S. too? Can they refuse me entry to the country because someone makes an allegation that I might be dangerous?

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It's possible as she thinks you may be a danger to this guy that allegedly raped her.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Mistral121

I also wanted to cross check a few things she said, may be J_9 can help. She said that if she reports this, her medical file or record (or something like that) will be amended with this, and so her colleagues in the future would all be able to find out she was a rape victim. Is this true? I thought only the rapist will end up with a record?!

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The rapist receives the criminal record and the victim receives the medical record. If she goes to a facility in which she is not employed, or associated with, then no one that she knows will see her record. Now, if she goes to a medical facility in which she is affiliated, she has a permanent record. It is against the HIPAA laws for anyone who is not giving her care to look at her record. However, that point is moot, it is too late for a rape kit to be completed. That has to be done within the first 24 hours of the incident.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Mistral121

She also said that the police came to her apartment but kept telling her that she has to be sure if she wants to report it because as soon as she gives a name, they will literally go and pull him out of wherever he is and handcuff him, again is this what happens?

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Yup, usually this is what happens.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Mistral121

Finally – and a bit off topic – why would she do a CYA like this? There was a gap of about 2 days between when this is happened till she told me. We spoke during this period as we always do. I did not pick up that she was upset or anything had happened. If she had never told me, I would have never known. So what would be her motivation for telling me this story?

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You didn't pick up that anything was wrong, because nothing was wrong. She made a choice to sleep with this guy and was making up a story in case you found out elsewhere. That was her motivation.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Mistral121

She is quit an intelligent person, it’s not beyond her to do that if she wanted. She also said that the only way she would report it is if she ended up with some sort of STD, are u saying that this was part of the plot too in order to make her story sound more realistic?

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If she gets an STD it's still too late to report it as a rape. STDs are reported to the public health department anyway, rape or no rape.

Look Dude, the chick pulled the wool over your head. She had an affair and either felt guilty about it or was afraid you would find out from someone else, so she concocted this ridiculous story and you fell for it hook, line, and sinker.

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Originally Posted by Mistral121

A. She also said that the police came to her apartment but kept telling her that she has to be sure if she wants to report it because as soon as she gives a name, they will literally go and pull him out of wherever he is and handcuff him, again is this what happens?

B. Finally – and a bit off topic – why would she do a CYA like this? There was a gap of about 2 days between when this is happened till she told me. We spoke during this period as we always do. I did not pick up that she was upset or anything had happened. If she had never told me, I would have never known. So what would be her motivation for telling me this story? Furthermore, everybody here obviously agrees that this story does not make sense and I am sure she would have been the first one to realize this. If she was doing a CYA, couldn't she use the 2 days to actually cook a better story? She is quit an intelligent person, it's not beyond her to do that if she wanted. She also said that the only way she would report it is if she ended up with some sort of STD, are u saying that this was part of the plot too in order to make her story sound more realistic?

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A.) SHE SAID the police came to her apartment. Said --NO proof she did
Why would the police advise her ''Is she sure she wants to report this'' other than her story wasn't adding up to them either?
You said they came a day later and the evidence had already been destroyed so I still say that IF she even did call them it was just to appease you that she called and they came. But I doubt she called.

B. Why would she do this? It already appears that she makes up whoppers of stories so what is going to stop her? Who knows why she is doing this? She may be a compulsive liar or something. She might be worried that some how it will get back to you that she invited a guy to spend the night and so she wanted to make an excuse on WHY he ended up spending the night there and she wanted you to hear it from her and not somebody else.

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Originally Posted by N0help4u

..... so I still say that IF she even did call them ...... She may be a compulsive liar ......

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Can a good lawyer find out legally (or illegally, frankly I don’t care) if this report was made or not to the police?
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I take everything everyone said on board and I am beginning to see how ridicules it actually is. Perhaps I should just let it go. That I seem to be in denial is not because I am stupid, or hopelessly in love, or have some sort of “attachment” condition with this woman and I am afraid that I will die a lonely and miserable death.

What I am trying to find out is what is the truth – without having to resort to what she says- because she actually IS a compulsive liar ( a lot of history to write about). Indeed, she actually changed her story about the police three times. First time she told me the story, she said that she had called the police and that “they were after the person who had done it”. When during the subsequent conversations it transpired that I knew the name of the person (I basically told her that I think this is the person who has done it, she then confirmed it), she then changed the story to saying that she in fact had not called the police at all. I then because even more angry with the fact that she would not stop lying even under such critical circumstances, at which point she said OK the truth is that they came here, but I didn’t give the name. So only God knows what actually happened….

If I am determined to exhaust all avenues of doubt is because I say even if there is a 1% chance that this story is 100% correct, then given what I went through myself, I would be willing to even sell my property to hire the best team out there to seek justice for what took place. But given what I know of this girl, I cannot give “trust on credit”. I need to be sure I am not hoodwinked (which you all seem to think I am), and I need to do this through the law because through her, it’s hopeless. I couldn’t live with myself if 10 years down the line this story turned out to be true. But I know, this is not your problem. I am going to stop now because I don’t want Scott taking it off here again.

I am sorry if I seem to be wasting your time. I am probably going to have to just let this be for a while. All evidence is destroyed now anyway, so technically reporting it right now is not any more advantageous than reporting it next year for example. Plus, what I have learnt in life is that the truth has a way of revealing itself in time anyway. I really do appreciate everyone’s help and as a mark of gratitude for your time, if this story develops further or I find out something else I will certainly be back here to let you know about it.

Compulsive liars REALLY REALLY rarely ever have stories that add up they are usually delusional and see the world 'a bit' different than most people. Sort of like the people that go around saying the KBG is following them.

Like I said even if you could go through the trouble of getting this guy convicted
He would probably do less than a year or two but then again even with evidence of a rape kit and her agreeing to testify against him it is his word against her word if it was consensual--Like I said Coby Bryant. Then if there was a conviction you could be sending an innocent man to jail.
So you need to get over it and let it go because you will never know and NEVER be able to prove a thing.
You need to emotionally detach yourself from her and the whole situation and move on.
Find somebody mentally healthy.

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Originally Posted by Mistral121

Can a good lawyer find out legally (or illegally, frankly I don't care) if this report was made or not to the police?

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Oh, goodness. You are ready to resort to illegalities too? Please!!

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Originally Posted by Mistral121

Perhaps I should just let it go.

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Ya think?

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Originally Posted by Mistral121

she actually IS a compulsive liar ( a lot of history to write about).

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You just answered your own question.

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Originally Posted by Mistral121

Indeed, she actually changed her story about the police three times. First time she told me the story, she said that she had called the police and that “they were after the person who had done it”. When during the subsequent conversations it transpired that I knew the name of the person (I basically told her that I think this is the person who has done it, she then confirmed it), she then changed the story to saying that she in fact had not called the police at all.

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Dude, what more proof do you need?

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Originally Posted by Mistral121

given what I know of this girl, I cannot give “trust on credit”. I need to be sure I am not hoodwinked (which you all seem to think I am),

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Well, guess what, you've been hoodwinked. I could think of some other terms, but don't want to offend you.

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Originally Posted by Mistral121

I need to do this through the law

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Haven't you figured out yet that you can do nothing legally? Only SHE can, if this were true, and she doesn't want to. SO, you either accept her for the liar she is, or you break it off and find someone more stable.