Do I need to finally move on?
I have been divorced for two agonizing years. Right after the divorce, I tried to get my ex-husband to make an attempt to reconcile, but he refused. Since then I have remained non-invasive, and I have tried to stay out of his life until last week.
My ex-husband and I have two children. My main focus has been spending quality time with my children as well as focusing on my career. I have dated a few men over the course of the past two years. Two of the men I have dated I have attempted to become involved with, but I cannot get involved simply because I am still in love with my ex-husband, and I have not let go of my past. I do have an active social life. I do not sit around and mourn day in/day out. But I cannot get my ex-husband out of my mind or heart for very long.
About every 2-3 months. my ex-husband will call me out of the blue, angry and venting to me, but he will never really tell me the source of his anger. I assume this is his way of working out some of own his bitterness and pain, and he vents it toward me.
He has been involved with a woman for approx. 1 1/2 years. His girlfriend is currently living out of state for about 2 months. And she is supposed to move into his residence full-time once she returns from the project she is working on.
I stopped over my ex-husband's house last week, and I advised him that I felt as if part of my soul has been ripped out. I asked him if he would consider making an attempt to reconcile. I suggested that we start seeing if we can still enjoy each other's company, and perhaps do some things together casually with our kids. If it all went well from there, perhaps we could seek counseling, and then work on patching up a broken marriage. He told me that he cared a great deal for his girlfriend, but he does not love her in the way that he loved me (he started seeing her about 3 months. After our divorce was final). He stated that he was a "different" person now, and he wasn't sure if he was still "in" love with me, but he would always love me. I asked him to consider this and I've given him space. I am not been bantering him on the phone, in person, or via email.
A few days later he asked if I would like to ride with him to our son's 1st football game. He and I, as well as our two children all attended the game together. That was the 1st time we've all been together since our divorce. Everything was cordial, with the exception that toward the end, he made a nasty 'dig' at me, which upset me of course, but I chose to take the higher road, and keep my mouth shut. When he dropped me off, I kissed my children good-bye, and then he grabbed me and hugged me very tightly.
He has never asked me to reconcile with him. However, I see the pain in his eyes when he sees me. It's never diminished. My gut tells me that he's not entirely over this either, but perhaps he is still angry and hurt. I do not know. Is he stroking his own ego since I approached him, and enjoying the attention while his girlfriend is out of town, and when she returns, all communication will cease to exist besides what is necessary to discuss due to our children? Or is he taking me up on my offer, and perhaps testing the waters?
Am I chasing a dead dream? Why can't I let this go? Something deep inside keeps urging me to try. But I cannot continue to live this way. It's too agonizing.
I have sought counseling in the past, but I still come back to this.
I just need some advice from someone that perhaps has dealt with a similar situation.