I met a guy about 6 months ago online. We email, I.M, and/or talk on the phone everday. He is in the military and recently left for Germany. We continue to email and talk when we can and have gotten to know each other pretty well considering its over the internet. I actually really like his thus far. He is leaving for Iraq in a few months and gets to come home to the states on leave next month. He is wanting to see his family before he leaves so he is flying to Las Vegas to visit his family. We want to meet each other and talked about him visiting his family for a week and then the plan.. is that I would fly in the end of that week and he would spend the remainder of his time with me. I have been thinking a lot about it and my thoughts are... when meeting someone for the first time... especially if they live away... isnt it suppose to be.. that the guy travels to see the girl? I mean.. its going to be an awkward situation as it is.. but I will be flying to Vegas, by myself, in an unfamiliar city, not knowing anyone, and going to meet a guy.. that I don't really know.. for the first time. I mean... its not that I don't feel comfortable about meeting him so to speak... but I just think that if he wants to see me that he should by traveling to see ME. I think he should come to where I live. I would feel more comfortable being in my home.. in my city that I live in.. with people I know. Would you agree or do I need to think about the fact that he is in the military and his travel is limited... and go ahead any go see him. Not only that... but Im suppose to by my own plane ticket. He mentioned nothing about paying for my hotel... and made the comment that he isn't going to have that much spending money. So... first... should he come to see me... and second... shouldnt he be or at least offer to pay for some of my trip. I can see it now... I buy my ticket... fly there.. have to pay for my hotel and all my meals.. and by the sounds of it... wouldnt be doing much of anything... no shows or anything... unless I pay my own way. I just don't think its right. Maybe he doesn't realize this? This is just something.. in my opinion.. he should already know. Right?

Have you discussed your concerns about the cost with him?

When I was reading your post I sensed definite hesitation from you about going there. Your comfort level is going to be where things are familiar. You need to be sure you feel absolutely safe in this situation and I think you would be much better off explaining that to him, that you would love to meet him, but where you are comfortable - not some unknown place. Be safe first! Gut instincts are usually there for a reason.

I'm not saying this is a bad guy by any means - I know a few people who have met their husbands/wives online - just be safe!

If his caring for you at this point is genuine he will understand completely and will not pressure you!

Yes, it would be best to be discussing these sort of things with him. It sounds like you have gotten to know him pretty well without actually meeting him in person. If you haven't already discussed some of this with him, then discussing the costs and your feelings will be a good way for both of you to find out how the two of you are able to work things out concerning matters that are important to both of you.

Yes. I just figured.. that the whole cost issue would be something.. that he would just know or do... like.. offer to pay my hotel... or whatever. I think him bringing up the fact that he will not have much spending money while there... was kind of letting me know.. Im on my own as far as expenses go. On the other hand... Im not hesitant about meeting him... I guess really... most of all... I think the guy... should travel to see the girl! Does anyone agree with me on that end of it? Or.. do I need to consider the military and circumstances?

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Originally Posted by jelise2006

I met a guy about 6 months ago online. We email, I.M, and/or talk on the phone everday. He is in the military and recently left for Germany. We continue to email and talk when we can and have gotten to know eachother pretty well concidering its over the internet. I actually really like his thus far. He is leaving for Iraq in a few months and gets to come home to the states on leave next month. He is wanting to see his family before he leaves so he is flying to Las Vegas to visit his family. We want to meet eachother and talked about him visiting his family for a week and then the plan..is that I would fly in the end of that week and he would spend the remainder of his time with me. I have been thinking alot about it and my thoughts are.....when meeting someone for the first time...especially if they live away....isnt it suppose to be..that the guy travels to see the girl? I mean..its going to be an awkward situation as it is..but I will be flying to Vegas, by myself, in an unfamiliar city, not knowing anyone, and going to meet a guy..that I dont really know..for the first time. I mean...its not that I dont feel comfortable about meeting him so to speak...but I just think that if he wants to see me that he should by traveling to see ME. I think he should come to where I live. I would feel more comfortable being in my home..in my city that I live in..with people I know. Would you agree or do I need to think about the fact that he is in the military and his travel is limited...and go ahead any go see him. Not only that...but Im suppose to by my own plane ticket. He mentioned nothing about paying for my hotel...and made the comment that he isnt going to have that much spending money. So.....first....should he come to see me....and second.....shouldnt he be or at least offer to pay for some of my trip. I can see it now....I buy my ticket...fly there..have to pay for my hotel and all my meals..and by the sounds of it....wouldnt be doing much of anything....no shows or anything....unless I pay my own way. I just dont think its right. Maybe he doesnt realize this? This is just something..in my opinion..he should already know. Right?

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One more thing... I haven't talked to him tonight... but I have emailed him and expressed everything to him and tried to explain why I felt it best he travel to see me.. and how I would feel more comfortable if he did. Thanks everyone that responded! I really appreciate and cherrish all of your answers and suggestions! Thanks!

Well, I'm definitely kind of old fashioned and tend to think that the guy should go to meet the girl. It's a mindset that I have. It's probably very much like the mindset that you have about it, so I can definitely understand where you are coming from in the way that you think about that.

But, these are different times and him being in the military and all does make a difference, so maybe that kind of mindset really doesn't matter. After all, you have already spent a great deal of time with him on the phone and in other ways. It just hasn't been in person physically yet.

Perhaps someone else will come along to address that issue so that you can feel good about the choice that will be made concerning your first meeting in person with him. It's difficult for me to let go of my mindset about that too.

Is there a possibility that the two of you could wait awhile longer before meeting each other in person?

I'm glad that you voiced your feelings to him, even if it was online. If it doesn't work this time around for him to come and see you.. then maybe next time. You two can always stay in contact if you both want that. Like I said earlier, if the feelings and interest between the two of you is really genuine, then all of these details are really small potatoes and you two will meet eventually - in the mean time you ride the wave and take care of number one (yourself) and be safe always! : )

Best of luck... will check in to see if he responds. Hope it goes well for you!

For safety reasons above anything else I think it would be best if you didn't travel alone or If he came to your hometown but not to your home (right away)...

Also, If you both want to see each other then you could both share the expenses. But if he can't afford to come to you or even take you out to lunch while you are there visiting him then this just isn't a good time for you two to meet up.

To be very honest, my eyebrows are a bit raised on this one... It's obvious that you are hesitant and I think you should be, I don't understand why a guy wouldn't "pull out all of the stops" to make a good impression on his first meeting with you. So far he's not portraying himself to be a gentleman or even thoughtful/considerate...