I have been in a relationship with a really wonderful lady for over 6 months now. She is intelligent, very attractive and just a wonderful person. I am emotionally attracted to her. We get along very well and always have a great time together.
Of late, she has been leaning towards getting physical. I just cannot bring myself to do that because I do not find her sexually attractive. As I said, I am emotionally attracted to her but I cannot even consider the thought of being physical with her. I am not impotent, have a normal healthy sex drive - this wonderful lady just does not "do it for me". What should I do? Should I be totally honest and tell her or just try to placate her somehow by satisfying her physical needs and leave it at that? I can't think of having intercourse with her. I just don't want "to go there". HELP!!

Short answer is you aren't right for her.

Physical intimacy is one of the pillars of a lasting relationship. You seem to click on some levels, but really... placating her isn't going to make you feel good... and she, honestly, deserves more than being "serviced"...

You aren't a bad person for not feeling attracted... but you should understand the role that genuine physical intimacy plays in a lasting relationship.

At the very least, you need to be honest and/or walk away.

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Originally Posted by kp2171

short answer is you arent right for her.

physical intimacy is one of the pillars of a lasting relationship. you seem to click on some levels, but really... placating her isnt going to make you feel good... and she, honestly, deserves more than being "serviced"...

you arent a bad person for not feeling attracted... but you should understand the role that genuine physical intimacy plays in a lasting relationship.

at the very least, you need to be honest and/or walk away.

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I'll second this. Sounds like you have more a basis of being friends than being more.

If you don't find this woman sexually attractive I fail to understand why you are in a relationship with her in the first place. Sex and being sexually attracted to your partner is not everything but it is still an important part of a relationship. Yes be honest with her and tell her now how you are feeling. She obviously feels more for you in this aspect and doesn't deserve to be strung along when you know quite well it isn't going to happen.

Has she been assuming you are a suitor since you have been dating for the last *6 months*? I think she has. :)

You have to get the courage to tell her that you don't want a sexual relationship. At my job in banking, I ran across older couples who were together and enjoyed each other's company, but I thought were not having sex. More a man having a close relationship with a woman like "mom". Being treated very well, and so forth--the woman having a man on her arm.

I think this kind of relationship would be very much welcomed by her. At this point, she just lacks clarity about the total of the relationship.

Best wishes!