Ask Me Help Desk - What do I do!

I'm not married, but I have been with the same guy for 2 yrs. We have had our share of problems, including a commitment issue on his part. We were supposed to be engaged 6 months ago, but he freaked. I am no longer upset about that, nor do I think about it anymore. Not consciously at least. He's a good guy. He's also a busy guy. He always has something going on, and I seem to be the furthest thing from his mind at times. He's very active in the community, which I love but, I just wish I saw that passion when it came to me. This is where it turns... I met someone last night. I have met him before. He showed a lot of interest in me. He was very attentive, something that I am not used to from my current boyfriend. He asked me to hang out with him sometime soon.. He got my phone number. I really want him to call. He makes me feel like a lady. He makes me feel important. He tells me that I am pretty.. He didn't try and get anything out of me. No sex, nothing. We talked until 530 in the morning. We watched the sun come up. I really had a great time. Do I get rid of the current boyfriend? Is it bad of me to feel this from a guy that is just treating me like he cares for me?

I would say that just meeting this guy has opened your eyes that you are truly not happy in your relationship and you should break up with him on the basis that you realize he is not the one rather than on the basis that you met somebody else. I think you should break up with him if you are not happy but not jump into another relationship until you have had some single alone time.

Hey interesting problem. But I agree with N0Help4U this encounter with this Man has opened your eyes to what you deserve and need. A long think about this matter can do wonders, but definitely don't go jumping into any relationships right way!

I think you should confront your current BF about the issues you have with him before you go any further with the other guy. If he is unable to give you the attention, time that you seek then you should be honest with him and tell him you have found somebody that does. It will be life changing for the both of you either way. Just remember that this is a new crush (lack of better word) and it may be the same way down the line with the new guy that it is with your current LT relationship. Good Luck, keep us updated.

I'm sure it feels good to get some attention, but your b/f probably gave you attention in the beginning also, so before you go jumping to another relationship, think about dealing with the one your in first.

Think about the choices before you, and make the best one for you.

Yep Talaniman is right again. It could be a case of wanting something that appears better than it is so you do need to really think everything through before making any decisions that could effect the rest of your life.

Dating is always fun, especially the early months when we are trying harder than we do later. It's silly to think that kind of attentiveness can go on forever. But if that's what you need to feel content in a relationship, you have to break up with your guy and give him that as a reason.

Why? Well, it resets the clock. It lets your current guy know that to be with you requires he treat you like more of a princess than he does, and he can decide if he's got the energy for that or not, especially now that he knows you well enough to know if you merit that kind of attention.

On the other hand, breaking up also opens the door for you to date other guys, guys with no history with you whatsoever. THEY will most certainly give you several months princess treatment. And some of them may have nothing going on in their lives to distract them from showing you the attention you crave.

That's why I say break up. This let's you pursue your need with your current b/f or new guys.
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But it's not my real advice. My real advice is to get busy with your own life and activities and find ways you can contribute, like your b/f. He's got the right idea.

Also, you've dated for 2 years. That's long enough, don't you think? That's plenty of time to decide whether this is the guy or not. It really is. And the answer SHOULD be clear. If it's not, then answer is most likely NO and you're simply avoiding reaching that conclusion.

Think about it.

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Originally Posted by JBeaucaire

Dating is always fun, especially the early months when we are trying harder than we do later. It's silly to think that kind of attentiveness can go on forever. But if that's what you need to feel content in a relationship, you have to break up with your guy and give him that as a reason.

Why? Well, it resets the clock. It lets your current guy know that to be with you requires he treat you like more of a princess than he does, and he can decide if he's got the energy for that or not, especially now that he knows you well enough to know if you merit that kind of attention.

On the other hand, breaking up also opens the door for you to date other guys, guys with no history with you whatsoever. THEY will most certainly give you several months princess treatment. And some of them may have nothing going on in their lives to distract them from showing you the attention you crave.

That's why I say break up. This let's you pursue your need with your current b/f or new guys.
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But it's not my real advice. My real advice is to get busy with your own life and activities and find ways you can contribute, like your b/f. He's got the right idea.

Also, you've dated for 2 years. That's long enough, don't you think? That's plenty of time to decide whether this is the guy or not. It really is. And the answer SHOULD be clear. If it's not, then answer is most likely NO and you're simply avoiding reaching that conclusion.

Think about it.

I understand what you are saying. You do have valid points. My concern is that I want to be more important than one of the 25 baseball games he MUST attend, and the guys nights to the titty bars. It is not like he is doing community service, he is doing concerts, baseball games, wine tastings, brewery tours.. etc. I want time from him. This is a subject of concern in our relationship, and it always has been. It gets better at times, and then goes back to the same old same old. He never treated me like a princess. Never has. Maybe that's what I am missing at this time? I saw a guy that hardly knows me- show me more interest that a guy that should know me...

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It gets better at times, and then goes back to the same old same old.

Marriages are like that to, that's why you keep working at it.

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I saw a guy that hardly knows me- show me more interest that a guy that should know me...

New guys are like that at first.

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It is not like he is doing community service, he is doing concerts, baseball games, wine tastings, brewery tours.. etc.

What does your social life look like without him??

I have a social life that both includes him, and excludes him. I have my own friends, he has his own friends, and we have mutual friends. I hang out with my friends alone more times than not. He's always too busy.

It seems to me you two are at the point where you're already supposed to be deciding if you want to pursue your relationship into the "unconditional and sacrificial" category. Making that step means you focus more on giving and enhancing the other person's life in meaningful ways, it is LESS about what you get and more about what you give.

But based on your story, neither one of you is doing that. You're complaining about you don't get and he's oblivious and off having too much not-you time with his buddies.

It sounds like you two have reached that point and not made the connection. That's important to admit. There's nothing that guarantees any guy you've dated for X-months will actually be able to become Mr. Lifemate. And if not, the sooner you realize that the sooner you get back to finding him.

You and he NOT becoming lifemates is not a failure. A failure is staying too long with someone you inevitably will part with anyway, no aspersion to your character or his. It is just inevitable... and how quickly you realize it is a measure of maturity.

How quickly you accept it and move on without angry arrow-slinging is a measure of wisdom and grace.

Great advise... Thank you!