Hello,
Me and my girlfriend have been dating for 2 years... Not really any problems. We started arguing about dumb things about 4 months ago. We decided to take a break... She said she just needed time to think and that she wasn't interested in anybody and SWORE she didn't sleep with anyone.
A few weeks later we got back together and she said she really missed me.
Something was still strange though... My friend told me I should try and look at her phone for text messages. I found out she slept with a guy just once one night... and I know him
Weird thing is she use to make fun of him and say he was so gay and disgusting... I don't get it? Anyway, I told her I'm done with her and not to call me or text me again. She kept calling and texting me saying "I am so sorry it was the biggest mistake of my life. I am nothing without you. You are my strength, I might as well go kill myself".
Anyway, I forgave and but didn't forget. She text me Friday night saying "Babe, I want you bad"
I 'll save it for you tomorrow". So the next day I took her to an amusement park. Before we went I asked her if she wanted to have sex. She said she wasn't in the mood but she PROMISED when we got back. So we had a great time at the park. It was so much fun. Having sex at the end of the night would have topped it off perfectly. I tried to initiate it by kissing her and she said again, she's tired and wasn't in the mood. I got upset.
I mean I like to think I'm an attractive guy. I was in GQ magazine and a few photo shoots with playboy playmates. I'm just confused on what she's thinking... She makes me feel like crap when she does stuff like that... What should I do? I keep turning away these 2 girls that want to hook up with me cause I care for her. I need some advice please...

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Originally Posted by tellmetheprob

I keep turning away these 2 girls that want to hook up with me cause I care for her.

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It would seem to me that you already know that you love this girl :) After all,after her
"mistake" with another boy you both got back together,again.

You also mention,that,you've turned down other girls,because of her.
That is clearly a sign that you're not only interested,but LOVE this girl. :)

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I am nothing without you. You are my strength

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She has also said,that, she is nothing without you & that YOU are her strength!!

... So,go on,give her another chance. :)

Happy Jester, lay off the prozac before you answer any more questions. Here's the realistic side of things: your girl slept with someone else. She fornicated another person. That is the ultimate betrayal. I don't care what the excuse is, I've been in a relationship for four years, if my other half ever cheated on me I'd leave in a heartbeat. That is unforgivable I don't care who you are or what the circumstances are.
And now she's holding out on you? I'd be suspicous if I were you. Clearly you wouldn't have any problems with dating if you left her I think it's time to move on or at the very least do some more dating before you go back to her.

Thnker I agree with you, but is it considered cheating if we were on a break? We were both single... But she promised me she wouldn't be with someone else. I mean she lied to me about it to my face. I had to find out by a text message... It hurt SOOO BAD!!
What else can I do? Advice please...
Thanks

It's not consider cheating if your was on break only if your were together would it be consider cheating. She had sex with someone while she was single. It was bad lie about it but would you be able to forgive her more if she'd have slept with someone else different from this guy?

Yeah, I would be easier... I mean she use to make fun of this guy all the time and say he's such and douchebag and he's sooo gay... Yet she sleeps with him... I don't understand...
Is that something that should be forgiven? I am torn... Part of me wants to forgive her and part of me wants nothing to do with her.

I think your girlfriend is not sure what she wants and you are better off not pushing her for sex until you are totally comfortable that you are back together and she has no desire to check out other guys for whatever reasons.

This doesn't sound like a relationship worth pursuing. Too much drama, lying, confusion, and frustration, and not enough sharing, caring, and communications.

What's the difference between being on a break and being together. You were separated with the intention of getting back together correct? She promised you that she wouldn't fool around with anyone correct? That sounds like cheating to me.
The problem about betrayal is that its so hard to get over and if you try to force it down and pretend your over it if your not then that can just create constant problems in the relationship.
If I were you, I'd move on.

This is a tough call. My hunch is that you're just seeing the tip of the iceberg. She's already lied to you about sleeping with another guy. Now when she doesn't want sex, your natural inclination is to wonder why not, was she with another guy, etc? Like Talaniman said, way too much drama in this relationship. Obviously you have strong feelings for her in order for you to forgive her. However, it takes two to tango, and she doesn't seem reliable or stable. In the end, this may prove to be more trouble than it's worth and things will come crashing down again naturally.

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Originally Posted by talaniman

This doesn't sound like a relationship worth pursuing. To much drama, lying, confusion, and frustration, and not enough sharing, caring, and communications.

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Definitely 100% correct! Even though you guys were on break, you're always going to be doubting her. Where she is, who's she texting, etc. just let it go and learn from this.

I reallt doesn't sound as if either of you is mature enough to be in a committed relationship. You forgave her. It will happen again because you have set a precedent. In her eyes, it's OK becuae you will again, at some time -the next time , forgive her. Move on, Break up with her, Step back and think of YOUR feelings and make yourself NUMBER ONE. What are YOUR needs? If you did this to her, would she have forgiven you?

You guys "promised" to have sex?

... sex isn't like taking out the garbage, where one promises to do it later and if it's not done, they get mad about it. It's a bit... more... emotional than that, no?

You said you forgave her but can't forget. It is impossible to forget especially what she did whether you both were on a break or not. You were hurt and that is a lagitimate injury.

If forgiveness means never to remember then we are all destined to never be able to forgive. You said there is a couple of girls who would like to go out with you. When someone is hurt in this way they have an urge to "Get even" with her to do something that will hurt them but it will never hurt them in the same way it hurt you. Revenge simply just doesn't exist.

Forgiveness is not the same as trust. Trust can only exist when you feel safe. Your girlfriend has caused herself to be untrustworthy. You can forgive but that doesn't mean you have to trust her again unless she proves to you that she is safe to be trusted again.
You gave her an opportunity to change now it is up to her to do that.

Time to break things off "officially". If she wants to go on dates with you still, you can decide on a night by night basis. But lose the bf/gf titles until/unless she starts acting like the girlfriend you need.

My guess is she can't/won't and you'll be free to pursue others... which is what's going to happen anyway. May as well be up front about it.

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Originally Posted by JBeaucaire

Time to break things off "officially". If she wants to go on dates with you still, you can decide on a night by night basis. But lose the bf/gf titles until/unless she starts acting like the gf you need.

My guess is she can't/won't and you'll be free to pursue others...which is what's going to happen anyway. May as well be up front about it.

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This is one solution and if you choose to do this, don't just date others as a means of "getting even" or to rebound. Because you are bringing another person into this problem and from what I can see happening is a lot more people can get hurt from this.

If you decide to break it off and date other people, then do it from a space of well being, not because of a broken heart.

Wow, if this isn't like the scenario on friends with ross and rachel's break...
I think that it was wrong of her to have sex with someone, especially someone you know and may have trusted, that'd be kind of low...
But, you were on a break, and therefore you couldn't really make any promises, since it didn't mean breaking up, since that's kind of what you did by taking a break.
She should have told you though, without you finiding out from a text, since she did give you her word technically.
And as for her not wanting to have sex with you that night after the amusement park, girls are like that. First of all, you were out at the park all day, and she as probably tired, and she might not have been comfortable yet with getting back together to jump right into the sack again. Also, something you did might have annoyed her the slightest bit for her not to have sex with you. I know if I promised my guy some fun and he annoyed me a bit, I might deny him later on... hope I helped, but I think that both of you should get back together if that's what you both want.