Ask Me Help Desk - Unable to have orgasm during oral sex

I'm in my mid 30's and am now in a new relationship... and he is a wonderful lover... before him I could only have an orgasm on top but now can in any position with penitration... he love to preform oral sex on me... and it drives me nutts... I feel like I will explode... but I can't let go and let the orgasm happen... is there any trick to just let your body go??

Try using some fingers... I swear it helps...

Try stimulating the clitoris more... and perhaps longer...

*Am I allowed to say that?*

It's a new relationship... stop having oral sex for six months and perfect other aspects of your orgasmic life.

You're getting too frustrated, and that's not good for you at this time. Assert yourself; don't be a people pleaser. :)

Helps a great deal if he knows what he is doing as well. Otherwise all you will get is close but no cigar. Assuming you have no issues achieving the big "O".

Wait are youa boy or a girl. Not being mean.. just wondering so I can help.

If he knew what he was doing then he would bring you there every time.tell him to suck your clitoris as he uses his tongue as this brings the blood to the surface of the nerve endings and can most times inflict multiple orgasms xx

Quote:

Originally Posted by shane38

if he knew what he was doing then he would bring you there everytime.tell him to suck your clitoris as he uses his tongue as this brings the blood to the surface of the nerve endings and can most times inflict multiple orgasms xx

That doesn't work for everyone---most women need really GENTLE stimulation of their clitoris, and the problem ends up being that other stimulation can feel good, but it takes time and patience and gentler stroking for many women to orgasm.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Synnen

that doesn't work for everyone---most women need really GENTLE stimulation of their clitoris, and the problem ends up being that other stimulation can feel good, but it takes time and patience and gentler stroking for many women to orgasm.

Exactly... and I know that as a guy. But then, I've actually been paying attention my adult life, unlike a lot of guys.

Giving yourself a helping hand is a good suggestion. Relaxing is crucial & there's nothing wrong with giving yourself the final little push when you want or are ready to orgasm.

Another is just to stay in the moment feeling the sensations & the love between you. The minute you start worrying you won't have an O, the harder if not impossible it will be to get there.

Have you tried telling him the "right spots"? As good as some of us guys "think" we are every body is different. Try explaining it, and experimenting slowly and enjoy each little aspect.

Fingers are good for some and others want nothing but oral stimulation. Licking, sucking, wiggling, hood play, find the right combination for you and your partner.

It's true that every woman is different so what exactly a "helping hand" is will also vary. And it can also be different at different times depending on your mood & how much sexual tension was in place before any clothes came off at all.

So what your helping hand is will depend on what your body & mind responds to. It could be shifting your position or legs, it could be letting him know what you need as in slower, faster, harder, softer. It could be your touching yourself on your breasts or where ever will give you that extra nudge over the edge. It could be playing with his penis with the rhythm you want him to orally satisfy you with (teasingly slow or get me there now faster for example).

Having the right music playing can also help by having a foreplay, getting to it & snuggling afterwards playlist to guide your sex play.

Experiment to see what you like & don't, that's a heck of a lot of fun even without an O!

So you are saying you can reach orgasm through intercourse, but not through oral, right?

Honestly, I think that puts you in a better place than many. I get that you want to develop all areas of your sexual lexicon, so I'm not trying to belittle your frustration. Receiving oral to orgasm, when intercourse is healthy and satisfying, is a nice way to mix things up and not use oral as a "crutch".

I say this over and over again here, so regulars are probably tired of hearing the same advice from me... but if the problems the same, my answer is the same.

There's a couple of problems that can happen here. The poster who said "if he had a clue hed get you off anytime" is kind of off, and kind of not. Meaning, I think his answer is way too simplistic and it smacks your lover in the face for no good reason. But... your knowing what you need and his knowing what you need are... well, what you need to get there often. The problem with that post is there is NO perfect one fits all recipe... and right now you don't know what you need.

I dated a girl I could get off all the time with strong cl!toral stimulation. All the time. She was the most responsive partner I've ever had, but also the only one who could take this kind of pressure. My next partner HATED the "technique" id used on the previous girl. Hated it.

Without knowing what he's doing, here's my suggestions, and you'll need to correct me if I assume wrong.

I recommend a book here a lot called She Comes First: A Thinking Man's Guide to Pleasuring a Woman, by ian kerner. As much as I talk about it, I don't think its perfect, but its an easy read and it addresses primarily the ways to sensitize a woman with the goal of using oral on her to orgasm or close. Look it up on Amazon.

Having performed oral on my partner for some time, and getting decent results but not great (shed get there much, but not all the time) we picked up this book.

I have some issues about the supporting evidence behind some of his theory, but the truth is there is a lot of confusion over how different females respond to sex, one woman to another... but if what he says to try works, bingo.

He states that the cl!toris is much more than just a "love button"... that there are "legs" that run down the sides and that the response some women seem to feel in the "g spot" area are firings that catch the deep roots of the cl!torial complex.

Mkay, why does this matter. Because often when my partner was receiving oral, shed occasionally say "lick here", pointing the outer labia, to the sides and down from the cl!toris.. and often it helped her. So... after reading this book I took a different approach...

I take A LOT more time teasing other areas around, but not at, the cl!toris, especially to the sides. So I'm more patient, and I don't rush to the cl!toris. By the time I get there, my partner is practically pulling me there or I can sense her breathing is hastened and she's feeling her breasts or neck.

And then, the sensations I'm aiming for are still slow, wet, and rhythmic... and its sooo easy to try to rush things (just like a woman can with oral performed on the man)

So the change was great. The ONLY times I haven't been able to get her to orgasm with oral after this was once when our privacy was interrupted by an unexpected visit and once when she was exhausted physically and mentally and we shouldve just waited for a better time.

So... maybe he needs to slow down, sensitize you slower and not rush to the cl!toris.

Maybe you are just very well primed for intercourse... if you honestly can get off in any position, its not all about external cl!toral response for you.

The other things that prime my partner for sex (oral or not) are she needs to be rested, have privacy, she's great after a hot shower or a soothing bath, a glass of korbel brut doesn't hurt a thing, even better after a full body massage.

no... sex isn't always like that. But those are the things that can help.

And mentally, I think once you get there, you will be easier to get there because that mental block is gone.

As stated... if you try a few more times, read the book and it just doesn't click, perhaps you should step back from oral for a bit, or use oral as a tie in to intercourse... getting you close, but not over the top, with oral can set you up greatly for intercourse.

Hope you are having fun.