Ask Me Help Desk - Private adoption with criminal history

My husband and I are planning to adopt a baby that is due in December. We have previously been turned down for adoption through CPS due to my husband having some legal trouble (assault charges) over 13 years ago. Since that time (over 12 years ago) he has quit drinking, gone through anger management, life skills, and parenting courses. He has a 13 year old daughter with whom he is very active. Together we have coached her sports teams. We own and run our own highly respected business in the town where we live. Basically, he is a completely different person than he was when the legal trouble occurred. My question is... Is this "history" going to stop me from becoming a mother? We want to adopt this baby so bad, but my husband fears being let down again. Help! Any information you have would be greatly appreciated.

Talk to an attorney specializing in adoption law.

Every state has different laws on adoption, and a local attorney can at least steer you in the correct direction for this.

Remember, too... that baby isn't born yet. The birthmother may change her mind--and has every right to--without ever even hearing about your husband's history.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Synnen

Talk to an attorney specializing in adoption law.

Every state has different laws on adoption, and a local attorney can at least steer you in the correct direction for this.

Remember, too....that baby isn't born yet. The birthmother may change her mind--and has every right to--without ever even hearing about your husband's history.

Thanks, Synnen. I am working with an attorney. I'm just wanting to know personal experiences with this subject. The birthmother knows my husband's history. She also knows him now. The law in Texas only says it's up to the judge.

Is this a private adoption? If it is I think I would seek legale advice on this as the brith mother can have you paying all things and then in the end drop a bomb and cancle on you and keep the baby this is a very iffy situation have you ever though about adopting from china or other countries each one has there owen law of how long of a crimal charge that they would go back on if you relay want to be a other that bad I would defiantly check into something like that

First, Meagan, remember that this is NOT a text. Please type out responses using full English words. I could barely understand your response.

Second--I'm a birthmom from the US. I didn't cancel. I didn't back out. I still stay in contact with the adoptive parents. Frankly, I hear more horror stories about adoptive parents disappearing after agreeing to lifelong visits, pictures, letters, emails, etc, than I EVER hear about birthmoms changing their minds. Usually by the time you have chosen parents, you're pretty darn sure about what you're doing.

However--a baby isn't really real when you're pregnant, you know, especially with an unplanned pregnancy. It's kind of hard to make a decision like that about a person you've never met--your son or daughter.

So--give birthmoms a little credit here. Most of us try to do what's best for a child that we love.

Thirdly--international adoptions are HARDER with a criminal background. Some countries are actually MORE stringent about who they will place children with than US adoption agencies. The difference is that more women CHOOSE adoption in other countries. In the US, young women have the option of Welfare and WIC and Housing Assistance that other countries do not have--so more of them keep their baby.

To the OP: I would get references, documents stating the courses taken and counseling gone through, I would get personal letters from people that see your husband with his daughter. I would basically get anyone and everyone you could to write letters of recommendation for the judge--church leaders, his boss, people in your neighborhood, his ex--everyone.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Synnen

First, Meagan, remember that this is NOT a text. Please type out responses using full English words. I could barely understand your response.

Second--I'm a birthmom from the US. I didn't cancel. I didn't back out. I still stay in contact with the adoptive parents. Frankly, I hear more horror stories about adoptive parents disappearing after agreeing to lifelong visits, pictures, letters, emails, etc, than I EVER hear about birthmoms changing their minds. Usually by the time you have chosen parents, you're pretty darn sure about what you're doing.

However--a baby isn't really real when you're pregnant, you know, especially with an unplanned pregnancy. It's kind of hard to make a decision like that about a person you've never met--your son or daughter.

So--give birthmoms a little credit here. Most of us try to do what's best for a child that we love.

Thirdly--international adoptions are HARDER with a criminal background. Some countries are actually MORE stringent about who they will place children with than US adoption agencies. The difference is that more women CHOOSE adoption in other countries. In the US, young women have the option of Welfare and WIC and Housing Assistance that other countries do not have--so more of them keep their baby.

To the OP: I would get references, documents stating the courses taken and counseling gone through, I would get personal letters from people that see your husband with his daughter. I would basically get anyone and everyone you could to write letters of recommendation for the judge--church leaders, his boss, people in your neighborhood, his ex--everyone.

I see this is a touchey subject for you. You relly don't need to jump down my throut aboit it I was stateing a few things to also look into. I'm also a mother of 3 kids I know what it is like to be pregnant and have a child thank you .and I also know wt it is like to have a unplanded pregancy. I was also talking from expreience that a lot of my friends have been through. And have adopted from other countrys with criminal backgrounds .and had no problmes at all . And a whole lot less problems then adopting from the usa . And not all countrys have the same laws. Look into you will see what I'm talking about. Till then its ovious you know nothing about what I'm talking about. As you had to run and jump all over me about my post thank you

Thank you both, Synnen and Meagan, for your comments. I appreciate all input. We have looked at international adoption and have found that the criminal history background check is more stringent. However, I'm not sure about the length of time they look into. But, in this case, this is not an option. These birthparents, not just birth mother, chose us because they know us, they know the type of parents (step parent and aunt in my case)we are, and the type of people we are in general. Of course, I have the fear of them backing out, but not such that I think they will, just a general fear of something going wrong because it always seems to for us. Thank you, Synnen, for the suggestions of obtaining letters of recommendation. I will actually start work on that now. After all, it can't hurt, right?

Hi, turtle3219!

As you have already stated, it's up to the judge. I would think that with letters of reference and perhaps also credible people giving in-person testimony to the judge as to your husband's integrity might be something that you also might want to try.

I do wish you well in this endeavor!