I am married he is married we have been having an affair for 17 months now, it started strong with him being crazy about me, wanting to be with me all time, emailing me and calling then when his wife became suspicious it came to a stop, he doesn't share as much we only see each other 1 time a month he calls 2/3 times a week and usually ignores my emotinoal emails. E says when he hearts takes over he has to put me back in his head, that there's something about me he can't get off his mind ( I only hear now when it's become a problem) do you think he really can love me and love her too but can't make that divorce in order to be with me? He knows I'd leave my marriage for him, he knows my adult daughter knows about us and that scared him, he said it made him realize how easy it would be to walk away and take me for himself, he's got 2 yourng kids, he though looking for someone else would help him move on from me but I found out he was looking, caught him and confronted him and that's when he told me the abuve and we have continued on because we both wanted too... so confused. He's a very busy man but wouldn't it be true that no matter how busy you are, if you really liked someone and tought about them the way he says he does about me that he'd prioritize and make time to call me and be with me more?
Oh, he says he gets too excited and can't hide it from his wife, his words " though i can hide you from her i can't hide my feelings for you from her" so I have to continue to fight with it.
Please help me understand this

Okay so he honestly chooses to stay with his wife over you so why do you want to be sloppy seconds for when HE has the time and you are nothing to him when he doesn't?
Respect yourself more than that and make a clean break from him.
Why do you want to be someone to fulfill his lust but not fill his heart?

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Originally Posted by JMartin03

if you really liked someone and tought about them the way he says he does about me that he'd prioritize and make time to call me and be with me more?

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You got a careeman, with wife and kids. You are his last priority. YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO DEMAND

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Originally Posted by JMartin03

] He calls 2/3 times a week and usually ignores my emotinoal emails. e says when he hearts takes over he has to put me back in his head, that there's something about me he can't get off his mind ( i only hear now when it's become a problem)

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He's putting you back where you belong. You are not his wife. Just a mistress.

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Originally Posted by JMartin03

Do you think he really can love me and love her too but can't make that divorce in order to be with me?

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He loves her and you only fulfill things that his wife can't give. Still he stays with her.

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Originally Posted by N0help4u

okay so he honestly chooses to stay with his wife over you so why do you want to be sloppy seconds for when HE has the time and you are nothing to him when he doesn't?
Respect yourself more than that and make a clean break from him.
Why do you want to be someone to fulfill his lust but not fill his heart?

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I don'tknow why? I guess because I thought he loved me if he's fighting with me within his heart

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Originally Posted by ylaira

You got a careeman, with wife and kids. You are his last priority. YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO DEMAND



He's putting you back where you belong. You are not his wife. Just a mistress.

why do i not have the right to demand?? even though this is wrong i still deserve respect, i know i should respect myself, but until i wake up i've always told him i want respect and if somethings wrong or bothering me i let him know and he's always owned up to it and make it right.



He loves her and you only fulfill things that his wife can't give. Still he stays with her.

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He says he fights with his heart about me all the time

In every adultery case I've heard, the man who really prefers his mistress is WHEN HE LEAVES HIS FAMILY TO BE WITH YOU, just like you do.

Is your marriage irrevivable? Why don't you divorce your husband first since you don't sound happy and let's see what he's going to do? You are not going to just wonder forever right?

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Originally Posted by JMartin03

he says he fights with his heart about me all the time

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Simply put that's BS... and I can't be more polite about it.

The both of you don't have the guts to leave your spouses so you keep playing games with each other to have some fulfillment that you aren't getting at home.
And he's really pulling on your emotional strings with this "I'm fighting with my heart about you" bull crap, Please lady get a grip!

He's getting what he wants from you, If he wants more (a real relationship with you) he'll do more, but why should he? You aren't even available technically speaking...

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Originally Posted by JMartin03

he says he fights with his heart about me all the time

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Translation: I love the sex with you BUT I AM committed to my wife and family so you take back seat and I hope I do not get caught BUT IF I do then it is over with us which would hurt my heart if I have to give you up but I WILL.

You are both married, you have an adult daughter... but he has young kids, what are you thinking of... taking their daddy from them cause that's what will happen should this continue.

Do the decent thing and walk away

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Originally Posted by JMartin03

I am married he is married we have been having an affair for 17 months now, it started out strong with him being crazy about me, wanting to be with me all time, emailing me and calling then when his wife became suspicious it came to a stop, he doesn't share as much we only see each other 1 time a month he calls 2/3 times a week and usually ignores my emotinoal emails. e says when he hearts takes over he has to put me back in his head, that there's something about me he can't get off his mind ( i only hear now when it's become a problem) do you think he really can love me and love her too but can't make that divorce in order to be with me? he knows i'd leave my marriage for him, he knows my adult daughter knows about us and that scared him, he said it made him realize how easy it would be to walk away and take me for himself, he's got 2 yourng kids, he though looking for someone else would help him move on from me but I found out he was looking, caught him and confronted him and that's when he told me the abuve and we have continued on because we both wanted too....so confused. he's a very busy man but wouldn't it be true that no matter how busy you are, if you really liked someone and tought about them the way he says he does about me that he'd prioritize and make time to call me and be with me more?
oh, he says he gets too excited and can't hide it from his wife, his words " though i can hide you from her i can't hide my feelings for you from her" so i have to continue to fight with it.
please help me understand this

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Have either of you considered the consequences of your behaviour? Adultery is adultery, period, you are both wrong neither of you has any business with the other. You have broken your vows to each other and it sounds like you are not remoursefull about it. Your mates deserve better than you are giving. If you are in a loveless marriage or whatever the problem is, if counceling can't help then end it and become a free agent. It is very selfish of you to hold onto someone while carrying on with another. It is sort of like guaranteeing that you won't be alone. So how do you know your mates aren't doing the same thing, or that one day you will come home from your rondivouz with your lover and your home is empty? I think you should consider what you are doing and either end it or end your marriage, your not being fair to the person that is still faithful to you. Simply put grow up, stop being stupid.

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Originally Posted by JMartin03

I am married he is married we have been having an affair for 17 months now, it started out strong with him being crazy about me, wanting to be with me all time, emailing me and calling then when his wife became suspicious it came to a stop, he doesn't share as much we only see each other 1 time a month he calls 2/3 times a week and usually ignores my emotinoal emails. e says when he hearts takes over he has to put me back in his head, that there's something about me he can't get off his mind ( i only hear now when it's become a problem) do you think he really can love me and love her too but can't make that divorce in order to be with me? he knows i'd leave my marriage for him, he knows my adult daughter knows about us and that scared him, he said it made him realize how easy it would be to walk away and take me for himself, he's got 2 yourng kids, he though looking for someone else would help him move on from me but I found out he was looking, caught him and confronted him and that's when he told me the abuve and we have continued on because we both wanted too....so confused. he's a very busy man but wouldn't it be true that no matter how busy you are, if you really liked someone and tought about them the way he says he does about me that he'd prioritize and make time to call me and be with me more?
oh, he says he gets too excited and can't hide it from his wife, his words " though i can hide you from her i can't hide my feelings for you from her" so i have to continue to fight with it.
please help me understand this

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I agree with all you that adultry is wrong, we both know that and fight with that constantly. Yes, it would be unfair to remove him from his younger kids, but that would be his choice if he divorced with or without me. As I told him, do it for you not me. We have had some serious conversations about this. I am not the bad person you all think I am. I feel bad about loving someone that belongs to another woman and I feel bad about doing this to my husband too, I don't love him but I can't leave him, he won't let me, believe me I try constantly. One day I will, with or without my lover
My question was do you think he can really love me and love his wife? I know all the evil this is doing and its not fun thinking about that. I also understand if we get caught it will probably be me that has to walk away and I will, it will hurt, but I will. Thank you to you all for taking the time to respond but is there anyone in my shoes that answer my question or a man that can tell me if everything my lover tells me is BS or not?

I think you should walk away and tell him that if he ever does get his divorce then you will be with him. As long as he is with her and you why would he have to make a decision when he can have the best of both worlds?

It sounds like he does no longer with you in the same way he once did the thrill of it all is probley gone old he amy have moved onto another mistress and keeping you on the side or trying to let you go by not seeing you as often and hoping that you will be the one to let go and leave if you can up and leave your husband just like that for him why have you not done it yet if you are so un happy that you have to have an affiar with another man why are you even still thereand if this other man were to divorce his wife and leave her huh wt makes you think he won't cheat on you think about it he got tired of his wife meet you fun exciting and new and now things are winding down with you like they did his wife it sounds like he is moving ion and if you were to marry him he would go out and cheat on you also when men or women cheat like this on there spouses they will do it again in another marriage when things start to go sour or dead for excitement sorry if I sound harsh but do you think either of you are even being fare or thinking of the other people around you sounds like you are only thinking of yourselves and your poor daughter the feelings she is going though and having to keep the secrets from her father how unfair is that

You are just kidding yourself and in deep, deep denial about this man. He is having fun when he wants to have fun and the "my heart" baloney is just that, baloney. I could tell you all the married men's "lines/lies" if you like, but then it would probably sound something like what this guy declared to you so I'm not going to bother. Keep deluding yourself that he loves you and neglect your own marriage and see how you fare in about 10 years. Probably will be in the same predicament and still wondering if "he loves me". Wake up, my dear, and smell the coffee. He's not going anywhere. You are just beating a dead horse here. Sorry.