Me and my husband was best friends, we used to talk about everything. We went through a lot of ups and downs before we got married but we just knew that we couldn't find a love like this anywhere else. After a year of marriage we separated and I moved to a different state. We tried to work it out but it think that we rushed things too fast after the separation. It resulted in a really big fight. Recently we have talked about getting a divorce but either one of us has the guts to do it. Its like we know that we are perfect for each other but we just can't hold it together. How do you say goodbye to your soul mate. We can't let go but we can't keep it together.

Each of you needs to sit down and make your list.

On one page, list all the positive things about your mate.

On another page, list all the negative things about your mate.

Don't rush, in fact, take a week if you want.

When you are done, you can compare lists if you wish, or, you can just look at yours, see which one is longer, and make a decision.

Cateyes21 -

You know, you are not alone... no marriage is without struggles... NO MARRIAGE! I hope that it wasn't your expectation that you would just cruise through your marriage without challenges... if that's the case, you might have to seriously sit down and try to determine what it was you were seeking the day you took your vows. I'm not saying that to be insensitive but to give you a reality check, as a friend.

My wife and I have been together for 3 years and married for almost 2. When we were dating we got along and everything seemed like we were headed for bliss. But when we got married and we lived together and really saw each other as we really are, we both agreed that somehow we seemed different to each other.

You know, I think there's something about dating that's different from being married... people try to always put on a great impression of themselves while they are dating but give it some time in a marriage and the real you and me comes out. Why do we do that? I think partly because we are afraid of who we are and we don't want to scare away the other person. I think what marriage really does is force out into the open the real "me" and "you" and sometimes that can create fear in our hearts... we begin to ask ourselves, "why did I marry this person?" We begin to doubt our decision and then if things get really strained we might even begin to question our marriage altogether... which seems like where you and your husband are now.

You have to really search your heart. Why did you marry your husband? What are the issues that are really troubling you? What is it that you really want out of life that you are seeking in your marriage? I am convinced that there is no perfect person alive who can make you or me happy and satisified in life. It's not anyone's job to make me happy but if I marry someone it is my job to get to know that person and love that person, even when times are tough; even when they disappoint me. Marriage is more about two people becoming one and in the process of becoming one, people experience tremendous challenges. What I am finding in my own marriage is that life is hard and challenges come and we have had our ups and downs, to be sure... but I am coming to see that if I am willing to admit my wrongs and deal with my own selfishness and quirks, I find that I can better relate to my wife and get along with her. It's not easy though, but I am trying my best to make it work.

Don't give up. Remember why it was you first loved that man and why you decided to give your life to him. Search your heart and see that you have room to change your own attitude about your marriage and be willing to fight for it.

We were so happy. I don't live in the same state as him so we have been reduced to emails. I want to work everything out and stay married but we can't handle the fights. I've tried to move on with other people but nobody amounts to him and he feels the same way. I just don't understand why we are not together. I'm at a point where he is either going to be with me or we have to get a divorce. I think that he just keeps me in the closet for when he is lonely but I know that he really really loves me.

Marriage can work but it takes a lot of work, it takes both sides giving in a lot, and both sides putting up with a lot. And of course if you did not fight and argue some I would be more worried about you, than those that do argue from time to tome.

So if you want to make it work, you move back into at least the same town, and get counseling and work on a relationship and start dating again and go from there.

There's several billion people in this world. There are no soul mates. People who use that term often use it to elevate their relationship to some "better than other" level. BS.

I have a strong relationship with my wife. Should I die or were we to separate I have no doubt shed be able to find a good man, in time, whom she could love and whod love her as she deserves.

You need to get counseling to talk through the issues. If you aren't willing to do this, at least pick up a book on relationships. Desperate Marriages (Chapman), Healing the Hurt Marriage (Rosburg), etc...

But stop it with the soul mate talk. The first woman I loved deeply I dated for 7 years, with the last year and change really ugly. I had connections to her that were unique and in many ways never duplicated in any other relationship. But we were not good together... not later on. Some loves are not meant for all time, just some time.

Not saying yours is over... but if its going to last you need to do the work to figure out what is missing or wrong and how can you work together to find middle ground. You need a plan, not love. You need direction, not the comfort of familiar.

The first years of a marriage can be among the hardest. Honeymoon be damnded. So... time to do the hard work to figure out what's going wrong. Talking to a professional can get you moving in the right direction quicker than slogging through it on your own. If you go at it on your own, go to your public library and pick up some books and share them.

If that's too much to ask or too much work, its done and over.

Maybe its time to realize you are not very compatible, despite the feelings.

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Originally Posted by cat_eyes21

Me and my husband was best friends, we used to talk about everything. We went through a lot of ups and downs before we got married but we just knew that we couldn't find a love like this anywhere else. After a year of marriage we separated and I moved to a different state. We tried to work it out but it think that we rushed things too fast after the separation. It resulted in a really big fight. Recently we have talked about getting a divorce but either one of us has the guts to do it. Its like we know that we are perfect for each other but we just can't hold it together. How do you say goodbye to your soul mate. We can't let go but we can't keep it together.

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If it was meant to be than you would not be suffering like this. You need to let go and give yourself time to find a new love. It took years for me to get over the feeling that my ex husband was my soulmate. I am now over him finally and have found the person how stands above my ex. I thought it would be impossible to find someone better, but with time I have learned that people can love again and find true happiness. Sometimes people are afraid to let go because they think they will never find another perosn like the one they are leaving. Have no fears, but have your pride!

Thank you to all who responded. I have been told so much by others to move on in the past but I always let my love for him get in the way of everything. All I ever wanted was for me and him to be happy but he messed that up from day one. Its time for me to move on.

Good luck