Long story but here it goes. A really good friend of mine is having an affair with another friend. Just in case I will call them Jack and Jill. Jill and I have been close friends for a few years. Jack has become a close friends over the last year. We are all involved in the sport of rodeo which means traveling a lot of miles together and spending a lot of time together. Jack has not been happy in his marriage for a while. Jill tends to be attracted to men that she can't have. About two years ago Jill went through a similar situation with a married man and I was caught in the middle (the married man was a long time friend of mine as well and went back to his wife and Jill got burned). Over the past few months I have seen Jack and Jill get closer and more flirty with each other and I can see the attraction. I told them both whatever happens between them please leave me out of it. Jack promised me on numerous occasions that nothing was happening as my gut was telling me otherwise... been there done that and got a t-shirt from past experiences in life as well as with Jill. He promises that I will be the first to know if something happens. I keep trusting him and her knowing in my gut that something is going on. Now the rumors are out there and people on the outside are seeing it... so I feel like oh boy here we go again. Then I found out something by way of a miss sent text that in fact they are having an affair. I went off on him... pretty mean. Feel like I have been used by him to get to her. Of course he deny's it as just rumors. To me he is expendible... she is my friend and I care for her... not sure how to approach the situation with her. I don't want to lose her as a friend.. but on the other hand what kind of friend lies to your face and is sneaking behind your back. Now once again she looks like a whore to everybody and I am in the middle. If they want to be stupid go ahead but just have the guts to tell me so I can remove myself from the situation... which I am now doing... but it is like it's a little too late. I have talked about in depth with my husband and he said he has seen it for a while. I sent her a text telling her that we needed to talk and she has not called or texted back.

"I told them both whatever happens between them please leave me out of it."
Good! Although what they are doing is very disrespectful and thoughtless, It kind of isn't your business to worry about.


"Jack promised me on numerous occasions that nothing was happening as my gut was telling me otherwise..."
So He went along with what you told him: to leave you out of the affair.


"He promises that I will be the first to know if something happens. I keep trusting him and her knowing in my gut that something is going on."

So later you decide you do want to know what's going on although you initially said to leave you out?
Why are you concerning yourself with this. This is between Jack, Jill and their spouses... I just don't understand where your frustration is coming from. The only thing that could possibly be reasonably bothersome to you is if: You are the type of person that ONLY befriends honest, caring and respectful people and you find their behavior so unattractive that you don't want to be their friend. If this is the case, which I guess I couldn't oppose You should just stop the friendships.

That means to separate yourself completely no one could fault you for that.


"If they want to be stupid go ahead but just have the guts to tell me so I can remove myself from the situation"
Again, what do you want to know? If you don't want to be involved it seems to me they are doing the right thing or at least what you initially asked of them which was to leave you out of it.

So really leave yourself out of it if this behavior does not cause damage to your friendships, what's the problem? If it does, Simply keep your distance!

That means that this is unnecessary:
"I sent her a text telling her that we needed to talk and she has not called or texted back."


After all, You had the right idea about not wanting to be involved, so don't try to get involved now.

That you know, you can act accordingly, with no conversation, or fanfare. This is their business, so don't make it yours, in any way.

Let me see they are both adults, you stay out of it, no reason to be telling anyone anything at all.