I need a mans view on this,sorry its long:)
Boyfriend of 5 years,who I love and have a daughter with.
He rarely wants sex with me,once,twice a week maybe.even in the beginning it wasn't much more than that.
I know it gets harder with having children and working long hours.
I find it weird because we could be hugging in bed and he will get hard,then when I go to take it further he refuses and says no to me... weird,90%of the time.
He doesn't like blowjobs,he doesn't like tongue kissing,and he doesn't like having sex in different places.
His constant knockbacks are really knocking my confidence and I'm asking myself am I just not good in bed?am I not being forward enough,or am I too forward for him?
Who has to beg there partner to have sex with them? ME.. then I feel like its pity sex:(
I've dressed up as a school girl and given him a lap dance.. (he said he liked that)
I suggest things,he knows that I am completely open to any sexual ideas from him,I always give myself to him wheither I am sick or tired,just always.I make sure I dress nicely for him,do my nails and makeup exercise etc.sometimes its hard with a 2yearold to do keep up with those things.but I make the effort.other men find me attractive.
I have asked him what is wrong many times,he reasures me that its not me,I'm lovely etc
Every time I leave the house he watches porn,deletes and scans everything,so there's no evidence,then lies about it to me.
He doesn't always have access to the computer so I don't think he's a porn addict.it disturbs me because I don't know what kind of porn he's watching.
I am at a loss,I just want to have more sex.

I think someone wrote a book titled 'its not you, its me'. I think the book was about how absolutely phony that statement is.

Why a man's view, should be the other way around bunnybear. I think the writing is on the wall and I am not going to say anything like, get him interested by being more attractive because you have already done that and possibly more.

In the future you will be having all the sex you want with someone who really appreciates you s a woman, because if you stay in this relationship you are gong to lose just about all of yourself esteem, if you haven't lost it already.

You have allowed him to have the best of both worlds without commitment. And he has a lovely daughter as well. He should be kissing your feet and giving thanks every day for a roof over his head and a woman who is interested in staying pretty for him, no matter what (and I know it isn't easy focusing on yourself with a child to take care of).

No,my dear, its not YOU its HIM. He has is too easy and he has become too complacent and unwilling to work through a relationship and he sounds, last but not least, too immature to do anything about it.

I think your statement saying he was always that way says everything. He naturally has a low libido. What happens below the belt has little bearing on that happens above the shoulders with a guy.

I've seen this for decades... yes I knew women that went for a certain type of guy and then complained because he wasn't different. And vice versa for guys as well.

People are who they are... and in this case he didn't change, he is who he always was.

I have a high libido and always have... my wife is a pretty good match for drive and adventerousness. I've always felt that before people commit or have kids make sure that basic level of compatibility is there... and that they stay together long enough to get past the initial infatuation where you don't see each others flaws.

And no I don't think you have done anything wrong based on your statements that would make him this way.

Hi bunny,

You said he has always been like he is now. :)

If you want more sex now, you have to negotiate for it. All good relationships require negotiating over differences. For example, you want more sex, he doesn't want to mow the grass once a week. Then, you agree to mow the lawn in exchange for one about of sex. Whatever fits your situation.

It is really important to have a life full of different activities. Why don't you go and take tennis lessons and meet some new people? That would be a start on adding something positive to your life.

Best wishes, :)

Quote:

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Originally Posted by tickle

I think someone wrote a book titled 'its not you, its me'. I think the book was about how absolutely phony that statement is.

Why a man's view, should be the other way around bunnybear. I think the writing is on the wall and I am not going to say anything like, get him interested by being more attractive because you have already done that and quite possibly more.

In the future you will be having all the sex you want with someone who really appreciates you s a woman, because if you stay in this relationship you are gong to lose just about all of your self esteem, if you havent lost it already.

You have allowed him to have the best of both worlds without commitment. And he has a lovely daughter as well. He should be kissing your feet and giving thanks every day for a roof over his head and a woman who is interested in staying pretty for him, no matter what (and I know it isnt easy focusing on yourself with a child to take care of).

No,my dear, its not YOU its HIM. He has is too easy and he has become too complacent and unwilling to work through a relationship and he sounds, last but not least, too immature to do anything about it.

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Immature,yes I could say that about him... he is always right and only his point of veiw is the right one.
He is committed to me,just not committed to satisfying my needs in the bedroom.
I wanted a mans point of view only because I didn't know if was normal man behaviour,to not like a lot of sexual things.I always thought men were very sexual creatures,my past boyfriends have been and you hear of woman never giving it to there men enough.
I often contemplate leaving,because to be honest he doesn't meet my sexual needs.
But is that selfish,to leave someone you love just for those reasons.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by smoothy

I think your statement saying he was always that way says everything. He naturally has a low libido. What happens below the belt has little bearing on that happens above the shoulders with a guy.

I've seen this for decades...yes I knew women that went for a certain type of guy and then complained because he wasn't different. And vice versa for guys as well.

People are who they are...and in this case he didn't change, he is who he always was.

I have a high libido and always have...my wife is a pretty good match for drive and adventerousness. I've always felt that before people commit or have kids make sure that basic level of compatibility is there....and that they stay together long enough to get past the initial infatuation where you don't see each others flaws.

And no I don't think you have done anything wrong based on your statements that would make him this way.

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We are compatible in everyother way.
He is not the kind of guy I would have normally gone for.he was so different from other guys I had dated,we want the same things out of life.
I just can't stand not having enough sex,I thought it would get better in time... I was wrong
But still hoping...

bunnybear, you have to give him an ultimatum. More sex or you walk with your daughter. Its called 'tough love'. See what his reaction is. He either blows up with the possibility of being without a mate or he says, okay, whatever. Then you know what you have to do, and I am not going to say what that is. You know.

Bunny,

Are you needing more affection from your husband, simple hugs kisses and words of affection... and not getting that and feeling lonely?

Then, focusing on getting that out of him by insisting on more sex when he has never been an overly sexy guy??

You can negotiate with your husband for more shows of affection, not sexual intercourse... get what you *really* want.

Don't retreat into depression and victimhood... go out and get what you want... huggies and feelies. Also, then build up your life so you have many interests.

Best wishes, :)

Quote:

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Originally Posted by bunnybear

we are compatible in everyother way.
he is not the kind of guy i would have normally gone for.he was so different from other guys i had dated,we want the same things out of life.
i just can't stand not having enough sex,i thought it would get better in time.....i was wrong
but still hoping.......

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Well miracles can always happen. Otherwise take a close look at your life and decide if you can be happy if he can't or won't deliver in bed.