I seem to attract guys that play games and string me along. I cannot figure out why I continue to be attracted to men who seem to only want to use me for sexual reasons or FWB and not a REAL relationship despite the fact that I know they are not giving me what I want fully. I like attention from a guy partially because my dad is/was a really busy person most of my childhood ( HE IS A WONDERFUL HUSBAND AND FATHER). The thought of being desired by men makes me feel good. However, I feel as though interests is lost after a while (usually from the guy I am pursuing). In my last relationship I was clearly being used for sex and money and I still loved that person and wanted to be with them.

*DISCLAIMER*--- I am by NO MEANS a bed hopper! I can count the number of people I have been with without using my toes (ha). I just don't know if subconsciously I may be filling a void or what!

Anyone?

Thanks

You might doing this because
You don' like to lonely so instead you deal with people crap. No matter what you do you can't changed someone and in the long run your only get hurt.

Well I see your point, but I am not trying to change anyone. I just want a guy that wants to be with me and actually has a genuine interest IN ME and my personality. Not what I have or can provide for him... I don't like being single at all. I am very bored and as you said, it is lonely. I am annoyed because many of my friends have a least some guy to text or keep them busy. I don't have that anymore.

You may have to adjust your standards. It may mean being alone longer in between relationships as you endeavor to travel the areas where the kind of guy that can seriously court you and care for you can be found.

The BEST candidates will be people you meet in common interest areas OTHER than bars. (nothing wrong with bars, just people there are usually more casual in their expectations and their commitments... not all, just most)

Volunteer at the legal assistance center... good place to meet altruistic lawyer/public servant types. Volunteer at the hospital... good place to meet doctorly types. Join the Kiwanis or Boys & Girls Clubs. Go to business mixers.

If you prefer to meet people in clubs, find out where the more affluent go clubbing and step in.

If you want to be courted by someone who has means of their own and not worry about being used that way, you'll need affluent hunting grounds. Branch out.

Ok, clarification... NOT MEETING PEOPLE IN CLUBS OR BARS! We know what usually happens with that. However, it seems as though the more recent guys I talk to like to be in clubs and lounges. Most of the guys I date are scholarly types ( Law student/Corporate/Wall St.) but still something is missing still even with them and as of late I have lowered my standards... sigh.

I think you are right. Maybe I should volunteer at a hospital or something. Clearly I am doing something wrong.

Additionally, I live in a city were wealth and affluence is everywhere, but I am still NOT meeting the right type of guy. Some of the guys here are cocky and arrogant and know that women chase after their money and status. I do not need any man's money, I have my own things.

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Originally Posted by AmExp

Ok, clarification...NOT MEETING PEOPLE IN CLUBS OR BARS! We know what usually happens with that. However, it seems as though the more recent guys I talk to like to be in clubs and lounges. Most of the guys I date are scholarly types ( Law student/Coporate/Wall St.) but still something is missing still evenw with them and as of late I have lowered my standards....sigh.

I think you are right. Maybe I should volunteer at a hospital or something. Clearly I am doing something wrong.

Additionally, I live in a city were wealth and affluence is everywhere, but I am still NOT meeting the right type of guy. Some of the guys here are cocky and arrogant and know that women chase after their money and status. I do not need any man's money, I have my own things.

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Well I understand what you mean... as women we like attention from men however you got to be careful & u may doing this to yuorself. There are signs men give off when they don't anything serious... trust me I have been there but I learned from my mistake & I am like you I am not a bed hopper... but I did meet a guy & things did not go well. Now I am changed & learned from it but I am in a situation now that I am trying to enforce the rules & the CHASE which is very much needed for a guy to pursue u. it is hard to do this but I do believe we as women make mistakes w/guys & then they wander off & we wonder why! Next guy you meet play the game of letting him chase u, call you take you out on dates, etc... 1 good book I read is "he is just not that into you"-great book for women!

Thanks for your advice. I think what I am also having a hard time understanding is WHY! Am I too boring? Young-minded/innocent? I mean I hear that I am a pretty girl but some how that is not keeping their attention. Most of the time these guys do not even try to really get to know me... (if they did they would realize that I am well traveled, intelligent, warm, funny, and kind) What are THEY looking for? What type of girls keep their attention? I just get depressed about this because you know it's bad when the bottom of the barrel doesn't want you. ( or so I think in my head)

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Originally Posted by AmExp

Thanks for your advice. I think what I am also having a hard time understanding is WHY!? Am I too boring? Young-minded/innocent? I mean I hear that I am a pretty girl but some how that is not keeping their attention. Most of the time these guys do not even try to really get to know me...(if they did they would realize that I am well traveled, intelligent, warm, funny, and kind) What are THEY looking for? What type of girls keep their attention? I just get depressed about this because you know it's bad when the bottom of the barrell dosen't want you. ( or so I think in my head)

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First thing you must do is have confidence in yourself #1st-guys love confident women! I say play the CHASE.. because it will grasp for their attention & don't be so available either... I tell you this advice because I have been there... and currently still am but I will not let any guy put me down or make me feel like that once you feel this you must drop them immediately plus they will see you are vulnerable... read that book- it give you direction on guys :)

I have heard about this book, but I am not feeling the message. However, considering I am not in a good situation, I better read it. Furthermore, what makes you think I do not exude confidence?

Ummm u are giving excuses/reasons why guys don't like you... u named all the qualities you do have so keep you head high & give off that "confident" energy to guys... trust me!

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Originally Posted by AmExp

I do not need any man's money, I have my own things.

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Yeah, good for you.

This may be a case of the "watched pot never boiling". Perhaps, as I've suggested, getting involved in your ambitions and philanthropic activities will be a better focus for you, working for the benefit of some less-fortunates.

While you're doing good with your free time, love might find YOU since you stopped looking for it yourself.

Maybe.

Instead of looking for someone to love, fill your life with the things you love to do, and love yourself. Not as easy as it sounds, trust me, but the whole key is attracting someone who appreciates you, so you must appreciate yourself first. Focus on you, and date for fun, with no other expectation.

We all think a relationship will make us happy, but nothing is further from the truth. Hooking up and latching on is nothing but a quick fix, that fails more than it lasts. Do it right, and build from inside of you, to the outside and have something really worthwhile to share with the person, who can hang with you and your life, and not settle for a warm body, who drifts into your life.

Then you won't have to settle, nor chase a ghost, who looks like a man.

Your emotional dust has not settled from your previous relationship, nor will it until you stop looking around for your happiness, and be proactive in building it yourself. You may be over the person, but not the feelings.

Yeah, I have idle time and too much of it ( undergraduate college student here). But at the end of the day it is nice to have a guy to share your joys with.

That special person will come along when you stop looking/ least expect it. I know it's a bit of a cliché but its true I promise :)

Thank you to all that replied! I will take everything into consideraion and try apply it to my daily life. I am skeptical about if my "prince charming" will come along because I have a friend who is a virgin 30 and has waited on her guy to come along and no cigar...

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Originally Posted by AmExp

I am skeptical about if my "prince charming" will come along becuase I have a friend who is a virgin 30 and has waited on her guy to come along and no cigar...

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That's dorky logic. Just because you've never eaten an apple doesn't mean there aren't plenty out there.

There is no "one" perfect guy, there are many, many compatible men out there. Failing to find one of them is usually an indictment on WHERE you're hunting, not on IF they exist. They're out there, and wondering where she is, too.

Being 30, a virgin and single is not a punishment, none of it. It's a testament to not screwing up your life and attaching to "dumb love" instead of "compatible love".

Yeah but I am in respectable places... CHURCH, the library, CLASS, upscale restaurant or shopping area, and other clean and fun places. Just no luck. I am not looking in the clubs or anything like that. That is not my motivation. I end up settling just because I am tired of waiting for Mr.Right.

Love yourself and things you love to do, the right guy will come alone, don't rush it or it will only end in disaster

Hi, sorry but you seem a little unapproachable, money and class doesn't equal confidence rather (to me) you seem snobby and lacking confidence, you are quick to jump the gun, defend and make excuses. This may put genuine guys off, so you tend to attract more overconfident, cocky guys who aren't really interested in YOU. The reason you keep ending up with guys who use you or leave you feeling unfulfilled is because you let them. Say no to these relationships, have patience and wait for someone who cares for U