Matt 5
Teaching about Love for Enemies
43 “You have heard the law that says, ‘Love your neighbor’[a] and hate your enemy. 44 But I say, love your enemies![b] Pray for those who persecute you!

Jesus said we are to love those who are the hardest to love. I know that personally in my life, I have been very unlovely many times. I have been the worst of sinners, cursing God, walking away from His protection and love, forsaking my family, diving into the darkness of addiction and prostitution, choosing the lie instead of Truth--and yet even at my worst God still loved me and sent Jesus for me.

Romans 5:8
But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

Why is it that we, as Christians, have such a hard time with those who are hard hearted, stubborn, rebellious sinners like we have been?

Matthew 18:27-29 (New Living Translation)
27 Then his master was filled with pity for him, and he released him and forgave his debt.
28 “But when the man left the king, he went to a fellow servant who owed him a few thousand dollars.[a] He grabbed him by the throat and demanded instant payment.


I know that for me, the hardest people to love are those who are like I have been. I have despised my sin so greatly to transpose my hatred of my iniquity to impose this on another.

Matt 6
14 “If you forgive those who sin against you, your heavenly Father will forgive you. 15 But if you refuse to forgive others, your Father will not forgive your sins.

God is a God of mercy and patience. We, as Christians are called to be like Him.

Psalm 86:15
But you, O Lord,are a God of compassion and mercy, slow to get angry and filled with unfailing love and faithfulness.

Matthew 5:7
God blesses those who are merciful, for they will be shown mercy.

Romans 11:32
For God has imprisoned everyone in disobedience so he could have mercy on everyone.

So, how do you love the unlovely? When the rubber meets the road, what do you do?

I think I need to pray for them more and offer mercy when it's hardest to do.

That's going to be something that you're going to have to pray to God to help you with. Christians are human and it's second nature for us to dislike the enemy (hate is too strong of a word for me) but you're going to have to ask forgiveness for that and ask God to help you deal with these type of situations. If you're serious about loving your enemies, God will eventually help you start loving the unlovely.

Thank you, I realize this.

How do you love the unlovely?

If anyone needed my help whether friend or enemy I would hold out my hand and help them.


Blessings

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Originally Posted by savedsinner7

How do you love the unlovely?

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By the grace of God.

Would you really continue to be there for someone time and again if they continued to do you wrong each time?

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Originally Posted by bushg

Would you really continue to be there for someone time and again if they continued to do you wrong each time?

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I'm not sure who you are asking this question to (you may want to use the "quote" feature or at least a name if you are asking a question to a specific person) but I know I certainly would like to think that I would be.

I know it's easy to say things like this, but the reality of the situation is sometimes more difficult than many realize... that's why I think talking about it before hand (like this thread) is quite helpful to get you mentally prepared... this and prayer are of great help when trying to deal with a difficult situation.

I have a family member that resented me. When this person would come over, I constantly tried to love her. She still resented me and would even roll her eyes at anything I said. I did this for 5 years. Finally, one day, I asked her why she hated me. She lost it and walked out. She did not come over for 6 months. My relationship with my husband was strained by this because it was his daughter. He decided to continue to go to her house weekly for the next year and a half. I have had some very hard lessons on loving those who do not love you and who do not hide their lack of love.

What I have had to do is to "be still and know that I am God." I have been learning to "wait upon the LORD." He is faithful and He does restore. We are now going to her house for dinner together a couple of times a month, but the conversation never goes to the reason we changed things.

So, to love the unlovely.

How do you show love to those who are unloving?

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Originally Posted by savedsinner7

How do you show love to those who are unloving?

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Mainly prayer... because I imagine that every situation is different, and only through the guidance of the Holy Spirit can we ever expect things to go "well"... always keeping in mind that it may be God's will that things are NEVER "fixed".

You don't have to have feelings of love... As a Christian you just have to treat others with respect!

In this case, you just have to ignore her bad behavior. Take a gift when you go over to her house... chat pleasantly. That is "loving" a difficult person. There is nothing else you can do, or should do.

Note that in this context, love is a verb. Love is doing for and treating people, not a feeling.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by bushg

Would you really continue to be there for someone time and again if they continued to do you wrong each time?

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Always

Blessings

Blessings to you as well.

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Originally Posted by Choux

You don't have to have feelings of love.......As a Christian you just have to treat others with respect!

In this case, you just have to ignore her bad behavior. Take a gift when you go over to her house...chat pleasantly. That is "loving" a difficult person. There is nothing else you can do, or should do.

Note that in this context, love is a verb. Love is doing for and treating people, not a feeling.

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Thanks for the advice.

How do you love the unlovely? What, specifically, do you do to show love to those who don't deserve it?

How to love the unlovely?

Good question. As people who are taught to love justice, to love fairness and equity, and to love all things righteous, it is often extremely difficult (if not downright impossible sometimes) to love those who do not display the qualities that we value so very highly.

I think you are on the right road simply by asking the question. As you so rightly pointed out, ALL of us have been "unlovely" at some point in our lives. Speaking for myself, I can say with all honesty that my tendencies to slip back into that "unlovely" state occur with alarming frequency, despite my best efforts not to.

As to the actual question of loving the unlovely, the only answer I can give you is one that's helped me at times:

Try, as best you can with God's help, to see the "unlovely" not with your own imperfect human eyes, but with the perfect loving eyes of the Father. See them as you imagine He sees them--seeing past the sin and wrongdoing, and instead seeing the person He created them to be in the first place. Trust me, if that person is/has been buried inside of us, then it is buried inside of them, too. Who knows? The grand design might be that YOU are one of the people God put in their path to help dig out that original person.

A friend of mine said something once that has stuck with me for a long, long time. He said, "Sometimes I think that God put all these different people here for a reason." (We'd been talking about this same subject.) He went on, "I think sometimes that He put them here not as a way for us to measure 'how far we've come,' as if it were by our own efforts that we've become better people. No, I think He put them here to see what WE will do with them--whether we'll treat them as the world treats them, or if we'll see them and treat them as Jesus would and does."

Hope that I've been able to provide at least a little help in your search.

DK

kindj, thank you. I always appreciate your responses.

Dear saved,


That is a good question and one I have difficulty with myself. I have studied on the subject, and this is some of what I have learned.

Love is not an emotion, it is not a feeling, it is in fact a force; a powerful force. God himself is Love; Love is God. We do not have to have 'feelings' of love toward the person who is attacking us or trying to use and abuse us, but we have to let the Love of God, which is spread abroad in our hearts by the Holy Spirit have dominion and 'act' in love toward them.

That simply means we do not retaliate against them, we do not talk about them in the negative, we offer peace and when in my case it is thrown back in my face, I have to control the 'feelings' of hurt, anger etc, and still pray for them.
Ephesians 6

10Finally, my brethren, be strong in the Lord, and in the power of his might. 11 Put on the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil. 12 For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places. 13 Wherefore take unto you the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand. 14 Stand therefore, having your loins girt about with truth, and having on the breastplate of righteousness; 15 And your feet shod with the preparation of the gospel of peace; (you can read the rest in your study time)


This has helped me a lot in realizing it is not the person who has proclaimed herself my enemy, but a bad spirit that is using her. In this light, I can have compassion on her.


Sometimes people are sent into our lives to teach us patience and how to love our enemies. Remember it is not the people, but the spirit of contention, that is in them. So pray for the people because they are just being used of the evil one.



It takes practice and you will never always be perfect in 'loving your enemies' but your desire to do so, is pleasing to God and He will help you. He is your strength…and He is on your side. If you pray for your enemies and do good to them that spitefully use you, He will take vengeance on them. So we should extend to them mercy, kindness, and love then let God take care of the rest.
Also study the fruit of the spirit Galatians 5:22 (the whole chapter) But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith,

The Holy Spirit has deposited these into our spirit; but like all fruit, it needs attention.

Blessing to you and love in Christ.

Thanks Tsila, I often remind myself that "we wrestle not against flesh and blood."

Proverbs 21:30
No human wisdom or understanding or plan can stand against the Lord.

Thanks to you Saved, for putting this in your post; this is something I needed to hear/read. I am going to write it on an index card so that I can remember this.

thank you so much for this...you've helped me a great deal, I hope I helped you as much or at least some. I feel this is truly a word from God to me. I feel like shouting!!

Blessings to you in Jesus' Name.

Love in Christ,
T

To begin the process of loving the unlovely we need to start with what "love" is. Of the four main words used in Koine Greek(the language of the NT) two of them are used in the Bible. They are agape and philos.

Philos is a "friendship" love, and affinity for another person. Even though it's a lesser love, because it depends on "feelings", it is sometimes more difficult to have.

The highest love, the one the passages speak of and... and the love which God started with in His love for us is Agape. The easiest way to think of that is "a sacrificial love". A love which does not depend on feelings, but on a mindset/nature of caring at least as much about another than about ourselves.

This is both a spiritual gift which God gives to those who have His Holy Spirit AND a product(fruit) which grows in those who have His Spirit. In other words, we have to work on it! We need to "will" to love the unlovely and practice it no matter how much we don't want to at this time. If we keep at it, it will grow within us and become easier... over the weeks - years.

I believe we have difficulty with those who are under the same slavery we WERE under is partially a despising of our former self and has little to do with them. We maintain a certain shame and despising of our former(but now forgiven) sin.

Rom 6:19-23

19 I put this in human terms because you are weak in your natural selves. Just as you used to offer the parts of your body in slavery to impurity and to ever-increasing wickedness, so now offer them in slavery to righteousness leading to holiness. 20 When you were slaves to sin, you were free from the control of righteousness. 21 What benefit did you reap at that time from the things you are now ashamed of? Those things result in death! 22 But now that you have been set free from sin and have become slaves to God, the benefit you reap leads to holiness, and the result is eternal life. 23 For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.
NIV

Jer 31:18-19
Restore me, and I will return,
because you are the Lord my God.
19 After I strayed,
I repented;
after I came to understand,
I beat my breast.
I was ashamed and humiliated
because I bore the disgrace of my youth.'
NIV

It takes people different amounts of time to get over the past and be fully confident that God has forgiven their sin completely. Some of us still need to learn to forgive ourselves of those things which God has already forgiven. What, are we greater than God that we keep what God has "cast away"(the literal meaning of the Greek word "forgive"). And then there is also the devil who keeps reminding us our sin as we look at others with the same sin. This he does to prevent us from loving our neighbor as we love our redeemed self.

Be patient, but keep working on it. Becoming God's child was immediate because it depended on Christ on the cross. Becoming a mature person in Christ takes time because it takes "crucifying the flesh"... daily.

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Originally Posted by revdrgade

Be patient, but keep working on it. Becoming God's child was immediate because it depended on Christ on the cross. Becoming a mature person in Christ takes time because it takes "crucifying the flesh"....daily.

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Ha, right at the end there... what I was thinking. See, we have to humble ourselves like jesus did. This takes time. It's hard, 'cause we're not used to it. When we forgive people, and start to love them, we look beyond their sins. We look at them how jesus looks at us, as someone that can change. You wouldn't look at something unfinished, and berate it because it hasn't finished changing. It's a process. When we get impatient with others for being sinful, or whatever's lacking in them, we're actually those who are in need of change. That's why jesus said:
Luk 6:41 And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother's eye, but perceivest not the beam that is in thine own eye?
Luk 6:42 Either how canst thou say to thy brother, Brother, let me pull out the mote that is in thine eye, when thou thyself beholdest not the beam that is in thine own eye? Thou hypocrite, cast out first the beam out of thine own eye, and then shalt thou see clearly to pull out the mote that is in thy brother's eye.