Hi, I am a new member :-) and I would consider myself an expert on relationships. I have never had any problems dating or getting dates. I would say that I have had a wonderful dating life...some long term, some short and sweet and I could probably give out some real helpful advice on relationships BUT here is where I get stuck. I have been dating a man for a year and 3 months. He is an older, well established man in his 50's. The relationship started very quickly but has lasted. We live 8 hours away from each other in two different countries, USA/Canada. But spend most of the summers together. Infact he just left from a long extended stay with me and is on his way back to Canada. We do love each other. There was a time in the beginning of our relationship that he suggested that if our relationship is still going well after a year, he would come down in May and take me back with him. Okay, I thought, but I have two children in the states that have a couple more years of school and we decided to wait until they graduated and started their own lives. So I am thinking we can handle 2 more years. We had both looked into him moving to the states so we could be together while my children are going to school but that didn't seem to work out, it is hard for a Power lineman to get work if he's not a US citizen. Anyway, he has never asked me for a commitment to him and I am wondering if he assumes that I am or that he is even commited to me? Another thing that kind of alerts me is that he may be going through his midlife crises. He just bought a Harley and is going places alot without me. Tattoo's, crazy diets. I am the younger woman here so is he doing this so he can feel like he's a young man again? But there is still this question that I don't feel it is my place to ask for but would love for him to ask me, and that is for a commitment to him. How do I go about it in a way that he believes it is his own idea? This one frustrates me and I don't want to blow a great relationship. Thanks in advance

Every person has different preferrences and there's no such thing "as what you should be" to be a marrying type. It's only your partner who can tell that depending on what how he thinks you suit to him.

Sometimes no matter how you think you're great partner you will be, the person is just not really a marriage material. Im sure you've heard people who doesn't believe marriage. Some were just aking time. Otherwise check out these favorite links of mine.

Seal the Deal and Make Him Commit - Cosmopolitan.com
Will He Ever Marry You? - Getting Your Guy to Propose - Cosmopolitan.com

Your breaking the first rule, and that's honest communications. Very few relationships last with out it, and if your afraid to express your feelings to your man, what kind of commitment can you expect?? Talk to him and tell him how you feel.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by talaniman

Your breaking the first rule, and thats honest communications. Very few relationships last with out it, and if your afraid to express your feelings to your man, what kind of commitment can you expect??? Talk to him and tell him how you feel.

---

Ahhh someone who believes in communication. I believe it as well. I decided one day, about a month ago to trust that our relationship was able to handle the "Talk." Maybe it was bad timing on my part but I am usually not the one who asks to have the talk so I am very insecure about my approach to this subject. But he will kind of start it and when it seems to be getting a bit heavy, he stumbles over his words. I am still at a very comfortable level in our relationship and I want to just give him that opportunity to express it when he feels that talk needs to be discussed......But on the other hand....what is taking him so long? :-) What I have discovered on this last visit we had was that he let down a few of his walls and allowed me to come inside...for a few moments...and I just listened to him...I didn't judge him...I didn't compare what he was sharing with me to my own agendas...I just listened...and encouraged him so he would let me stay inside a little longer. He shared things that he only shared with his closest buddy and I thought it was amazing that he felt a safe place with me to open himself up more. I think that I need to practice a little more patience with him and allow him to have that safe place with me to share more of himself and then maybe he will feel safety when getting to that part where he asks me, no holds barred if I would commit myself to him. Thanks for the advice and I think I found my own answer :-)

He may be assuming you know there is a commitment there because you guys are making long term future plans together. And many people aren't comfortable discussing their feelings, especially men who don't get as much practice as it as women do with their friends, family. They let their actions speak for themselves, like making long term plans together.

If you're comfortable being patient, you're get your answer sooner or later one way or another. Which it sounds like you figured out already! :)