How do you decide what flaws to overlook in a man once you meet him? For example, if I met a guy and I noticed that he didn't dress very well (i.e pants not at his waist, shirt hanging out, shoes untied) I wouldn't really give him a chance. But am I jumping too quick to conclusions? All of those features p!ss me off. So does smoking. So does drinking. And so does bad grammar. I also don't like sloppy fat. It's a sign that he doesn't take care of himself. It's one thing to be a bit big and slightly toned to show that you at least try to take care of yourself. It's another when you're all flabby and jiggly and unhealthy looking. Because I don't want a man who doesn't take care of himself. See, the problem I see with flaws is that each one can affect me negatively in the long term. Even something small like where I meet him. If I meet a guy at the club, I'm not really going to be interested in him because you don't look for love at clubs. No one says "Hmm I'm going to go to the G spot tonight and find my future wife." No one does. So I can only think that he had ulterior motives. Motives that I want no part in. When you see a flaw, how do you know when to let it go or when to take it into serious consideration? Now a days, there seems to be a grey area and I don't know whether I'm being to hard on guys and how I should change if I am.

I think it is good to have a set of "criteria" that you look for in a person, some of them may seem shallow but in reality you should get what you want or close to it

I think some things like smoking, drinking, etc can be overlooked depending on the frequency, most people change in these areas as well, the main things I would never overlook are health and personality... if either of these are bad then it is generally a deal breaker

One comment I have to make about finding "love" at a club/bar... I do not see how it's valid to say you can't find a good relationship with someone you met in a bar/club... one main reason is I really enjoy going to bars/clubs and I would want the same in my partner, so if I didn't give someone a chance that I met at a bar/club then I would be a hypocrite... also my parents met in a bar and just celebrated their 27th anniversary...

But anyway, I think you will know pretty quickly if you see a "flaw" that you won't be able to look past, in any case, get out there and date around, have fun, meet people and learn, my opinion is that you should never go into a new relationship expecting long term because you are likely to pass up something good by judging the book by its cover

But you're telling me to date around. How can I date around when I see all of these flaws that bother me so?

Some say that you should lower your expectations... I say, you have one life to live, why settle?

Some things can change... the smoking, the drinking, the fat, etc... but they say something about that person. If you don't like them for certain reasons, then don't get into it... however, you should also know to cut some slack.

Ok, fair enough... maybe what I meant to say is do it to see if they are flaws that you can possibly overlook. Either way though, like I said just because you date someone doesn't mean you are in it for the long haul... maybe look at dating as interviewing haha

I agree with flash84x... I'm not so sure that you should completely discount them for certain things.

For instance, for me, it was all about teeth (don't ask me why... I have NO idea) and drinking. I refused to date girls that drank, smoked, or had bad teeth.

Then I went to college... and met a lot of girls. A lot of them were incredibly nice, and I didn't know they smoked/drank... until later on. Then I realized that it's not a personality flaw that they have, but just a bad habit... so I decided to not judge them on their habits. Yes, it says something about them, but there are plenty of really nice people in the world that have bad habits.

If someone's absolutely awful (like the bad dresser/smoker/drinker/ridiculously fat guy)... then obv stay away. However, if someone drinks, but other than that, you like their personality and you two get together, don't let the drinking be the deciding factor.

Who knows, after getting to know a few people, you may change your tastes.

That makes the most sense isneeze. Thanks.

When you meet that person who will take your breath away, you will downplay the negative side instantly. Trivial flaws will be unnoticed once a person's good background, treatment and chemistry are there.

Post closed, it is obvious you must be posting just to cause issues, in one thread you only want old fat men, here you don't want fat men. It is obvoius your stories don't even match on the same day between threads,