Me and my ex girlfriend haven't seen each other for over a month. She would call me at least twice a week just to see how I'm doing. I ran into her at a local bar last Friday. She was with 3 of her girlfriends. For the first time in my life I told her how I really felt about her. I wasn't drunk, but every word came out perfectly. It was weird because I thought I was over her. We where dazed out on each other and we hugged for a long time. She called me that night crying and telling that her perspective on our relationship has changed and that she's being thinking about us getting back together. She confessed that she has missed me like crazy and that she still loved and care for me. Its just that she is fighting herself on whether to be with me or not because of our rough past. She said she though she was over me but she regained her old feeling for me again after what I did. She was surprised I took the time to tell her all this in a public place without hesitaing. The reason she won't commit now is because she is just afraid me breaking her heart like before. Other than that she will consider us getting back. We have talked on the phone and send each other text messages since Friday. She text me telling me that she can't stop thinking about us,photo exchange all that good stuff. Im really glad what she told me. I love this girl a lot and I want to know a way so that I won't push her away. With all this that has happen should I give this another try and should I believe what she's telling me? Or should I just give it time? Your advice is greatly appreciated.

Give it time man, you can't do ANYTHING to change her mind directly. Keep giving her space, she seems to be testing the waters a bit. Common mistakes during this stage, constant contact on your end, always calling or texting her. If you can withstand the urge to do that, time will show what her intentions are.

I think details of the breakup and how long/close your relationship was are important to know for giving advice.

Take it little by little for now.

Lesson learned: Balace your time well.

Good to hear you're getting back. Good Luck!

OK... first... please don't open so many threads with the same basic question. It gets confusing and its annoying. Please choose one subject area, post the question, and let it have some time to develop. When there's a new development, you can still talk about it in the same thread.

Doing it the way you are doing it here means anyone who has given you previous advice might not see the latest developments and might not be able to assist you more. Moreover, the mods here tend to merge threads that are the same thing, so it makes work for them.

OK... not trying to be crabby, just needed to say that.

Basically you've been in contact with her pretty consistently. Doesn't matter if she's the one initiating it. You've made yourself available to her at her whims. You might as well be her girlfriend.

Its OK. I did that with my first big love. People do it all the time. But if you are broken up you need some space to get over each other, or at least space to feel what its like without the other person... even if you want them.

The reality is this... I've walked away from two big loves and never got back together with them, even though I loved them. Why? The issues were not resolved. The problems were not fixed. People who write in "true love conquers all" are clueless. It takes work and comittment, it takes resolve and compatibility. You can absolutely love someone whose destructive behavior prevents you from being with them. You can be in love with a person who just doesn't know herself well enough.

Don't get back together because you care for each other or miss each other. Do it because you care AND you have found some way to resolve your issues.

It isn't enough to miss that other person. You need answers to what went wrong last time. Anything less is just stepping in the same crap again.

Been there. Done that. Eventually you get tired of it. Then you figure out how not to do it at all.

Usually the reasons it didn't work the first time are still there, I think you guys should spend time dating other people to see what you want... there was something in your previous relationship that was NOT what you wanted... if it is meant to be you will both realize it and it will happen down the road

Neither of you has healed enough to be in a healthy relationship, and the continued contact is fueling false hope, which has stopped you both from growing, and realizing why you didn't make it in the first place. Why repeat a mistake, without learning from it??

Quote:

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Originally Posted by talaniman

Neither of you has healed enough to be in a healthy relationship, and the continued contact is fueling false hope, which has stopped you both from growing, and realizing why you didn't make it in the first place. Why repeat a mistake, without learning from it???

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I didn't read the part where they have been in constant contact. I take back what I said, Tal is completely right. If you don't remember the past, you are destined to repeat it