I had been in a relationship with this guy for 7 months before we broke up last month in July. We had lived together all of these months. I have known him for almost 4 years, he was my first love, but we broke up when I was 18. He has a 3 year old son with another woman, so I obviously knew they had to have some type of relationship with each other for their child! Understandable! But at the end of June I spoke with his sons' mother she told me he bought her a very expensive name brand purse for mother's day! I didn't know anything about this bag, needless to say I was INFURIATED! His sons mother said oh I shouldn't worry about them dealing with each other in a sexual way because she had a boyfriend and everything but I was more hurt that he bought her this expensive item without me knowing. She told me about the purse because she knew I would get upset!! She claims she bought him a pair of expensive brand denim jeans for Father's day, but that didn't change the way I felt about the situation! FYI: we were arguing a lot before we got to this point of me finding out about the purse! Because he paid all the bills and I was unemployed! So when I confronted him about the bag, he said he apologized but he didn't know why I would be upset about something like that when he gave me whatever I wanted and paid for the rent, groceries, my clothing, hair, and whatever outings we went on! I still felt and FEEL betrayed. So For revenge I sold his plasma TV for $500... the value of the bag, and he gave me an additional $500 so we could reconcile. He tells me every day how sorry he is, and now he sees from my point of view why he shouldn't have got the bag, or at least he should have told me he got the bag. But I don't know if I could be with him, after making a purchase for mother's day behind my back! I think that my revenge was childish, but I was upset. He already forgave for taking his TV and laptop, he just wants me to move back in with him, but I don't trust that he doesn't have some lingering feelings fpr his ex! Even though she claimms there is nothing going on between them! My ultimate question is... Is what he did FORGIVABLE?!

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Originally Posted by MsMonroe

My ultimate question is...Is what he did FORGIVABLE?!?

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Is what HE did forgivable? It's not even worth getting upset over. He bought the mother of his child a gift for mother's day. That's a man... not a boy but a man who despite the break up still appreciates the work the mother of his child does when it comes to raising his child.

You take that action and turn around and sell his TV as payback? That's not forgivable. That's not trustyworthy. That's not right. That's not anything good.

Do you need to end this relationship? Hell yeah, let that guy go so he can get a real woman who won't go psycho for being a stand up man.

"MsMonroe agrees: LoL...True Indeed! I am 21 and I have alot of growing up to do! I tell him to move on and that we should be friends, but he insist on making things work! FYI: He is also 21 and has made mistakes as well, but, he should have been the one to tell me!"

I'm not saying the guy is perfect. I'm positive he's made mistakes and if your looking for the perfect guy you will never find it. But how many guys leave woman the moment she gets pregnant. Not him. How many guys stick around but put the mother down and hold the kid in "emotional hostage." Not him. No his crime is saying thank you to the mother of his child. That's a quality man. That's a man that I dare say most women who love to have in there life. To get upset for that is beyond stupid. To sell his property over it, that's unforgivable.

The very fact that he STILL wants you in his life speaks to the genuine quality of this guy. I've never met him and I respect him. You may have some growing up to and so may he for that matter but recognize when you have something that 95% of women out there would be grateful for. I'm not saying he's perfect, I'm not saying he isn't going to make mistakes. But you need to recognize that flipping your lid like a kid isn't going to help you keep this guy or any other. It's fine to recognize that you have growing up to do, but learn from this and start doing it. Also, recognize a good thing when you have it. I'm not suggesting you lie down and never stick up for yourself, but you need to recognize when you have a real need to be upset.

I agree you can't let petty material things upset you like that. Either you trust him or you don't. Either you love him or you don't. Either you want to make it work or you don't.
You have to decide and not make petty things an issue. If he took her on a date or vacation then that would be a serious problem but buying her something for her for mothers day no get over it.

I find that a lot of times guys do things and then they don't tell you because... Well , you'll get upset. But they don't seem to understand by withholding information it just makes it 100 times worse when you DO find out! Forgiveable, yes. But you need to explain to him that if he'd hide the purchase of a purse from you then what else would he be willing to hide? It's true, however that it's a very mature thing to do on his behalf. Then again, flowers would've been just as nice.

It's already been said, but you need to decide if you want to make petty things an issue or just let it go