Ask Me Help Desk - Overnight visitation for infant

Hello,
My daughter is four months old. Me and my husband split up when I was about 7 months pregnant. For the first four months he saw her 3x a week for 2 hours at a time at our house. This worked pretty good considering I had to go in and help him get her quite at times so I think he felt more comfortable here. Last week he took me back to court for more time. He got 2 two hour days and 1 nine hour day, and at 6 months overnight visitation starts. Everything I have read said overnights are not recommended until she is 3 years old. I have showed him all my research and that it might have negative effects but he still pushes for them and the judge was a visiting judge that day who ordered they start at 6 months. I thought for a baby this young short but frequent visits were more beneficial. I am not one who is trying to keep her from her father at all. I believe it is essential for them to have a relationship, but at a pace that is good for my daughter. I was just seeing if anyone has any advice for me. The other day she had her first nine hour day. She came back kind of in a daze like she was lost. It took her 24 hours of being exhausted, fussy, and dazed until she came back to her normal self! My only worry is that I am going to do something that will harm her in the long run. I was just wondering if anyone has been through this same situation! Thanks for all the advice! The judge kept saying if you can't agree I am going to do something that makes you both mad. I didn't think that was the purpose I thought we were tehre for the best interest of our daughter.. I guess it just depends what Judge you get?

Quote:

Originally Posted by hnm3208

Hello,
My daughter is four months old. Me and my husband split up when I was about 7 months pregnant. For the first four months he saw her 3x a week for 2 hours at a time at our house. This worked pretty good considering I had to go in and help him get her quite at times so I think he felt more comfortable here. Last week he took me back to court for more time. He got 2 two hour days and 1 nine hour day, and at 6 months overnight visitation starts. Everything I have read said overnights are not recommended until she is 3 years old. I have showed him all my research and that it might have negative effects but he still pushes for them and the judge was a visiting judge that day who ordered they start at 6 months. I thought for a baby this young short but frequent visits were more beneficial. I am not one who is trying to keep her from her father at all. I believe it is essential for them to have a relationship, but at a pace that is good for my daughter. I was just seeing if anyone has any advice for me. The other day she had her first nine hour day. She came back kind of in a daze like she was lost. It took her 24 hours of being exhausted, fussy, and dazed until she came back to her normal self! My only worry is that I am going to do something that will harm her in the long run. I was just wondering if anyone has been through this same situation! Thanks for all the advice! The judge kept saying if yall can't agree i am going to do something that makes yall both mad. I didn't think that was the purpose I thought we were tehre for the best interest of our daughter.. I guess it just depends what Judge you get?!

It sounds to me like you can't agree and so y-all will have to go back in front of the Judge and let him make a decision, particularly if the visitation is adversely affecting your daughter.

Let the judge know that what you are interested in is the best interest of the child, and that's what you want the decision based on. Present to the judge your research. This will show initiave, and that you really want what's best for the child.

Or perhaps let your husband spend the night with her at your house...

Ive never heard of any 3 year rule. It sounds more like your being a worry wart. In most cases it may be common to put off overnights for the first year at most is all. You didn't mention anything really being wrong with the baby upon her return. It sounds like baby might have gotten over stimulated and that's more then likely normal on the first long trip out. Try to relax and get comfortable with things because if he stays in her life then he will be asking for more and more time as she gets older.

I really don't see a judge taking back his visitation since there was nothing really wrong with the baby other than being "dazed" which I would expect after her first long visit. It will get better with time.

Post being referred to has been deleted, FC

This fine sound advice however, this is a LEGAL board. Legally there is nothing wrong with the father having prolonged visits with his child. You can present this information to the judge but I really don't think it will be something that he/she hasn't already heard. In an ideal world the child would have both parents with them through the night and day... we don't live in an ideal world. While there are a few states that won't allow overnights with the ncp before 12 months there aren't any that I know of that would put it off longer than that. The child has two parents be glad both of his want to be involved!!

One has to remember the fathers legal rights, and that the father will get visits at his home, not yours, in fact it is not fair to force him to have to visit at your home, esp ifyou are a X. I am surprised he did not go for supervised visits somewhere else without you. He has that right if he does not wish to be around you.

next yes of course he will get overnights, I am surprised he did not get a lot more, if you push it, most likely he will go for full weekends, even longer.

We are seeing more and more joint where each parent gets the child for equal time.

I just feel bad when parents cannot come to a decision based on what is best for the child. Whomever the primary caregiver has been the child needs to be with overnight. A child learns trust and security from consistency and both parents should have this in mind. Yes it is important to bond with father, but the father should also want his child to develop securely. An infant or toddler has no sense of time and can assume that being separated from the primary caregiver as abandonment. This can have lifelong affects. When a child is older and better able to vocalize things then I would say overnights are in order. It is not fair that an infant/toddler... even a child... be shuffled all over for the sake of whoever is the primary caregiver (whether mother or father). Think of the child!

Please watch dates when responding to threads. This thread is two years old!!

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