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I am 14 and my boyfriend is 15. We have been going out for 1 month, 1 week and 2 days. My boyfriend smokes weed and normal fags. My dad has asked me if he does drugs and I am lying for my boyfriend. My boyfriend is trying to quit but he gets pissed of easily. And he calms himself down by smoking some weed or sokes normal fags. Should I tell my dad?
Honesty is the best policy, 15 and he is already addicted? The kid needs more help than you can provide
But if I'm honest to my dad he will no I have been lying to him and will probably make me dump my boyfriend.Quote:
Originally Posted by Romefalls19
As you should, a 15 year old drug addict... I'm not quite sure where you think that relationship will lead
It going far believe me. The other day we were on about getting married and having a family.Quote:
Originally Posted by Romefalls19
We were going to but he said both of us was to young. You may think I'm stupid and you might be right. But I just want to leave my family behind I have had a bad family past
My mopm and dad split up.
There are reasons my boyfriend is addicted
14 years old and you're thinking about marriage and kids? YOU'RE A KID STILL! Why the urge to grow up? So you had a bad family past, your parents broke up. It happens, I know it's tough to deal with by to fill one void with another is going to crash very quickly. You have yet to come into any huge complications with this relationship. I'm not saying you are stupid, but you have false ideals of "love" as well as a perfect relationship.
Second, there are no reasons you're boyfriend is addicted, just excuses. I'm tired of people saying they have reasons they smoke weed, it's a choice. They make it sound like it's freaking breathing
Honey, you've got to make a choice. Not going to lie to you, life sucks out there, but you could have it worse, honest. Believe me, this guy will only drag you down and he'll be history within a year...
Here are your options:
Keep on lying to your dad and things will get worse at home. You will have feelings of guilt, and the frustration over that will make you get madder towards the situation at home and you'll be more of a 'rebel' that you are now. Your parents are not the only ones in the world that have split up - but that does not mean that they don't love you. They just cannot live with each other because they've grown apart.. that happens to millions out there.
Stay with this boy and nurture him in his excuses for smoking weeds or fags, what is he going to try next when the weed does not calm him down enough?? Honestly, what's next? His reasons are not YOUR reasons, and he has to live with them and accept them, and learn to take control over his life. He may promise a good future but what exactly is that? - a flat consisting of one room, hand-me-downs, no education, no job, and then comes frustration and anger because he won't have enough time for his weed due to having to work - or finding no job - therefore no money to get more weed unless he swipes money or other things to support his habit - which will rile him up some more and he will need more and more weed or stronger stuff to calm him down. Then, if and when you start complaining, honey, he will drop you like a hot potato and find himself someone else to make excuses to. Or, you start smoking to keep up with him in hopes that he'll love you more because you are his 'equal'. That would make two people who are blown away most of the time with no sound future ahead. And your lives have not even begun - life is really rough out there.
I know the world is not offering you young people the security there was 20 years ago, it's changing and not for the better, but if you think we had it easy growing up - I can tell you some stories that would make your hair stand on end (I'm 57 and have cancer). I honestly am glad that I am not your age right now, because I would be just as scared and frustrated about my future. And, I worry about my grandson's future (he's 2), but I have absolutely no control over it.
The truth is we only have control over what we do with what's in our lives, we can have hopes and plans, and have to go along with the stones thrown in the way, but please give your life a second look and see if falling into a dangerous trap is worth it.
It's your choice dear and I wish you all the best, no matter what you decide. Just please weigh the alternatives on your plate right now.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by chelocs14
Quote:
Originally Posted by chelocs14
Whoever is in a right mind you are going to ask if its advisable to keep on going out with your BF, they will tell you NO specially your dad who worked had to to give the best for your future. Why? He's a druggie. Whatever he's reasons for being like that, it doesnt matter. You will not grow up with this person and believe me LOVE isnt everything in a relationship.
Do you love pets? But lets say you got a dog/cat. You have to go somewhere else and you have to leave that pet behind. Will you leave that beloved pet to a druggie neighbor?
You're 14, I'm 25, Cherry is 57 ( I dont know how young the rest of the people here). All of us have been in your age and we understand whatever your feeling. Been there.Just listen to adults. It's your best interest. In time, you will see what we're talking about.
What do you see in this boy?
My friends that do drugs and are 15-16, they just sleep, smoke all day. They hardly move have no emotions.
Ask yourself, are you really in love with him or the attention he possibly is giving which probably isn't that much.
If you leave your boyfriend, then you won't have to tell your dad because its over
Thank you for your great advice I text my boyfriend and said I can't keep lying for you either quit or that's it, he text back I will quit for you because I don't want to make things worse at home for you. So I will give him a week see if he even tries if he doesn't then I will say bye.Quote:
Originally Posted by Chery
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...id-245501.html
Is this the brother of your ex, or the guy who wants sex with you? Your life is to complicated, so make it simple and lose the b/f and then you don't have to lie as the Sarge said.
He may try and quit for you, but I doubt if he can. Then what?? He will have to lie to you, and that's where the misery really gets started.
Way to complicated of a relationship for an adult, let alone a teenager. I would have taken off running a long long time ago
I don't know I feel like weed isn't really a "drug" it just depends on the kind of smoker you are as stupid as that sounds like does he smoke literally everday or just socailly when he's out with friends, there's a big difference. If he does it everday then just get out of the relationship, you might think you can change him but you cant, I've seen it happen so many times its not worth it if he's choosing weed over u . I smoke ciggs also but only socailly my boyfriend doesn't care b.c he knows that if he asked me to stop I would . Sometimes you have to lie I mean like your not going to go tell your dad that he smokes because of course your dad will over react so if he asks again maybe just say he's tried it and didn't like it I don't know haha
No, there isn't a difference. A drug is a drug, and it impairs your thoughts and actions. There isn't a difference between a social smoker and a druggie. That's my opinion.
You also contradict your statement, you can't change someone you say, but then say you would stop if your boyfriend asked you. You can't for one reason and one reason only, because YOU want to.
Lastly, don't tell someone to lie, especially to their parents. Misplacing trust is a horrible action. Of course her dad will want her to stop dating this druggie, I wouldn't want my kid to date a drug addict too.
Your boyfriend is addicted to weed?
That explains A LOT about him already.
Here is a quote my teacher told me when I was in high school:
One of my good teachers from high school, who is a Command Sergeant Major of the US Marine Corps and organized plans in 'Nam war, told me this:
Listen up carefully. You need to stay in school for your education; I don't care where you get it as long as you get that education. Why am I saying this? Look at the people around your, especially your graduating class seniors and friends.. many of them go to college to party, drink, sleep with random girls, and do drugs. They graduate as drunks and dopeheads, but you, my friend, stayed in school & got your education. You want to know what is the difference between you from college and others from college? What ever you learned in college STAYS WITH YOU FOREVER. Nobody can ever take your intelligence away.
That is all there to it. He's smoking weed and cigarettes which devastates the lung, heart, blood, sperm cells, and brain cells. Also, you're LYING to your own family about the relationship.. Seriously, if you're LYING to GET AROUND, chances are... the lies will get you. Your dad is protecting you from the dangers of the outside world.
Heck, I had to smoke cigarettes and drink alcohol to actually learn my lesson...
Romefalls19... in my opinion and from what I've seen having someone stop smoking weed who smokes everday is a lot harder than to change someone who smoke ciggs socially, weed changes your personality and you it's a drug but its nothing life threating like heroin & coke all it does is make you a dirtbag.. u have your opinon too & watevs I respect it but I don't think I'm contradicting myself, I'm just going off past experiences. And I'm not saying woo yay date druggies I'm just being realistic that you can't expect a 14 year old girl to tell the truth all the time to her parents and if its effecting her life negativly than you tell your dad but if he just smokes once in a while ( which I'm not saying is the right thing ) I don't see the harm in that.
OK thank you for you help on my relationship and I will take it into consideration
Nicotine is very addictive and I doubt if you could stop any time...Quote:
Originally Posted by sun_shine_xOx
Hey sun_shine... The thing about lies is that once you start and continue, it gets easier and more convenient. But, it also makes those who love and trust you to lose that trust because eventually, they will find out.
Generally, those who smoke weed because they have problems and 'need to calm down' will not stop at that, and believe me, it's not to be 'socially accepted'. When I was 13, I smoked my first cig - because it was the 'in' thing to do. Well, now I have lung cancer and will not last another year. But it was cool at the time. At that time, we were not into other things (thank goodness) and I did not smoke my first joint until I was an adult - and socially. But I also had a job and other responsibilities and decided it was not for me. When my daughter was of the age to 'experiment', I told her that if she showed interest in trying out things, that I would rather she did it at home and thank goodness she never showed that interest because she saw what her peers were heading through their use of weed, uppers, downers, and ecstacy. She told me that she thinks that they use it as an escape and she had nothing to escape from. I never lied or hid anything from her and neither did she. We always had trust, in good times and bad - that's what kept us together - no matter what life threw at us. She is a mother herself now and I hope that my grandson will trust his mom enough never to lie to her. Lies HURT like heck from those you love - and that pain goes deep. And, in my opinion, this world is messed up enough already, that we don't need an intact family to go though needles lies and pain from within.
If you don't see any harm in lies yet, then you have not been lied to by anyone important in your life - just wait until your boyfriend/partner lies to you about loving you or having an affair... it will feel like your heart is being torn out and you will never trust that individual again.
I'm 57, and 'been there, done that' and have also made a few wrong choices in life which I had to admit, accept and live with and go on... and I did lie to myself about not needing booze and being able to stop any time - until I turned myself into a clinic because I could not control the booze anymore.. but I never lied to my family and never will. My husband was a wife-beater and that was the only way I could deaden the pain... but that still is no excuse - and I'm dry for over 25 years now.
Also, when one has an 'addictive nature' due to fear, frustration, being unhappy with oneself and other things in life - it's an escape and unless you admit to it, you'll always be addicted to something.... that's just being human.
As for dating, well, we don't know everything about a person from the first day, so it takes time to know what they are like and if you can trust them. That's also part of being human and growing up. chelocs14 feels she can trust and believe this young man now - and it's up to her to make her choice if he lies to her and does not keep his promise within the week. As for her dad, he has probably 'been there and done that' in his life too, so if she has a relationship of trust with him and talks to him asking him to understand, I'm sure he will remember that he too was her age once. It would be nice if some of you young folks would give us 'parents' some credit - we were not born yesterday and are not totally puritanical.
Another thing, please stop it with the txt (shorthand) typing. I grew up using the english language and speak three others, but I don't find that SMS or txt stuff 'cool' at all. Thanks.
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Just to be clear, weed is a mind, or mood altering DRUG! It doesn't matter one bit how much is smoked, when it causes a problem, is when it crosses the line of use, and abuse. Lying to a parent is not good, as then you lose trust, and risk long term suspicions, that can prevent any type of growth or privilege, no dating, not using the car, limited activities, and privacy, etc.
He ain't worth all that, is he??
Yes, first weed is a drug and illegal, So just being with the boyfriend risks you being arrested, now that would be a interesting phone call from the jail for dad to come pick you up.
Next what is not addressed is the boyfriends anger issues, if using drug is his way to fix it, that is to me the most serious issue.
On top of that the lack of concern over his health with both the smoking.
With all the other issues brought up, you need to find a good boyfriend, one that is not getting you into this level of problems.
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